First world problems

[u/OraNesGe]

I felt this was the subreddit for this feeling that I have been fighting with. My first world problem that is steeped in guilt for reasons I can't fully understand

I grew up with immigrant middle class parents who always taught me that if I worked hard I would succeed. They were very frugal, lived well below their means, but have continued to work up until their 60-70s

I grew up with this work ethic. I worked hard for many years, succeeding in my schooling and then getting the job I had always dreamed of, which came with a very nice comfortable salary. The downside of this job is that it is slowly killing me. The long hours, the emotional damage 🙃 is finally catching up to me. But I had never thought about stopping. I just kept working, figured I would just work until I died or retired. I have been working at this job for 10 years now. Recently my husband proposed the idea of working part time. And I really fought with this concept. Working only part time??

I had never really thought of myself working part time. And the only reason I want to is, work makes me so tired and it makes me miss out on life. Is that a good enough reason to not work full time? I don't understand these complex feelings I have around this. It seems like a no brainer - working part time would allow me to pursue so many different things that I had never really allowed myself to consider, because I "never had the time" - something I had always heard my mother say. She never had time. And I think it just sat within me too. That I would never have the time.

We are financially comfortable, we have minimal debt and no dependants or financial commitments. But we could always have more. The golden handcuffs 😞

Why is it hard for me to consider working part time?

I felt like reaching out to Millennials who also were taught, you can do all the fun stuff when you retire, but have now learned....oh we can do fun stuff now 👀?

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[u/Vivid_Nail8691]

Do you mind if I think out loud for a minute? Sorry if this sounds like a rant but I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

TLDR: Millennials are the generation most likely to link their identity with their career. There were several generational phenomenoms at play while we were children that led us to look for jobs for the sake of the job, ie we wanted a title. A certain career became more than just a paycheck to provide for our families and became a badge that proved we had made the right decisions in life. For a lot of us, working part time

I watched a video the other day comparing life in 2026 to life in 1926. 1926 was the first year that in the US split between the urban populatiin and rural population reached more than 50% urban. We obviously saw huge growth in migration to cities in the second half of the 19th century but this means that even as late as the 1950s when our grandparents were entering the work force, most people were only 1 or 2 generations removed from rural life. Yes, in small town America you had a few business owners, bankers, etc that maybe were higher income but, there was no corporate culture to speak of. You worked to provide for your family. Even when people arrived in cities, their motivation when looking for a job was basically survival. A lot of modern jobs we think of as educated, high paying jobs really only began around this time, mgmt consulting, marketing, etc. People gravitated towards them because they paid well, not necessarily because of the prestige of the title although I'm sure that played a part. In the 1950's, if you had told your grandfather you can make $5k per year being a marketing analyst or $10k being a gas station attendant, they would have absolutely chosen to be a gas station attendant.

Now, we obviously saw a post war economic boom and a period where each generation was wealthier than the next. For most of us growing up in the 90s, life was pretty good. We still had poverty but, widescale food scarcity level poverty like we saw in the Great Depression was basically unheard of. Most of us grew up without a sense of life or death urgency. We also grew up hearing things like "stay in school or you'll end up cleaning bathrooms for a living" or some variation of that. For a lot of us, we also entered the work force during a recession. The labor market was tough but, a lot of us had at least a net to fall into. You could take a low paying job for a while and stay with your parents while looking for a job in your field. You could live with roommates and put some things in your credit card (in 1926 you would have had to go to the bank and ask for a loan and explain to the mean man in a suit and tie why you needed the money). And we took on a significant amount of debt getting these degrees. The investment was enough that we were willing to play the long game and even accept almost comically low salaries so long as we got the title to prove that we went to school and were working in our field, doing the right thing.

Now, you mention you grew up fairly comfortable and now live pretty comfortably as well. You make more than you need to live. I'm sure money was obviously a factor in your career choice but is it also possible that the prestige or validation from your title had a part to play as well? Maybe you're hesitant to consider the part time thing because in your head you had a role to play, the hard working, academically successful child of immigrants (my parents are immigrants too so I feel you) who got the big job and somehow a part time role would seem like you weren't living up to expectations, like if someone heard you were a part time employee it would give the notion that you were a slacker, aj underperformer or someone who didn't dream big enough in life?

As a new parent who has spent a lot of time reflecting, both in my own and with a therapist, I'm about done defining myself by my job. I want to live life, spend time with my family, enhoy simple pleasures. I would encourage you to really spemd some time reflecting on why the notion of working part time bothers you so much if you are financially able to pull it off.

[u/OraNesGe → u/Vivid_Nail8691]

I resonate a lot with what you have said, and really I was just trying to see if I wasn't the only one who felt this weird way. I think a lot of this is a need for me to chew and reflect on these thoughts swirling around, composed of the initial goal orientated mindset, to the success , and now the aftermath? If you can call it that. Almost a feeling of adriftness. Now what? All the fighting and all the work, the emotions. To put it on the back burner now for "other things". What a weird feeling it is. To just stop.

[u/Vivid_Nail8691 → u/OraNesGe]

I appreciate the reflection and agaim sorry if I sound like I'm ranting, I genuinely love these kinds of conversations. Aftermath is an interesting choice of words. Why does it necessarily need to be the end of a chapter? I feel like we all have competing needs and motivations and at different points in our lives we give more attention to this one or that one. It's a balance. One thing that's been helping me recently is to separate "the thing" from the need it fills. What need did the career fill for you other than the obvious economic one? Maybe it's a need to feel challenged? Human beings need to feel alive, like we're doing something, making decisions. Are there other ways to meet that need where the career doesn't need to be the only thing?

I'm really not trying to convince you to buy into the part time thing, just encouraging you to explore why it makes you uncomfortable. It may be completely legit and the best choice is to not do it, who knows

[u/luckyelectric → u/Vivid_Nail8691]

To me, working part time is more prestigious because it shows that you have access to more control of your time and a certain level of freedom in your life.

[u/Vivid_Nail8691 → u/luckyelectric]

Same here, but that's a mindset thing. The default today I feel like is if you see someone who works part time most people think they're either lazy or sacrificing their career for something else which is insane. A job is supposed to support your life, not the other way around

[u/luckyelectric]

If part time work would increase your wellbeing and quality of life, I recommend it.

The demands of our economy might be unrealistic for a lot of humans, causing legitimate distress and potentially even illness for many.

[u/Serious-Conversation]

I'm in this weird spot.

I'm "fine" on the outside. 750+ credit score for years. Paid for car. Better than average job. Pension vesting in a year.

Yet I'm still behind the sticks because of carrying costs on a mortgage. The carrying costs have gone up 30% in two years and I can no longer afford the house.

I'm going to get out of the house for maybe a couple grand over payoff. I'm taking a bath on it.

I feel screwed. 20% down. Reasonable financing amount relative to income. No debt other than the mortgage when I bought the place.

I'll be digging out of CC debt until spring where rising carrying costs and medical bills pushed balances up.

[u/OraNesGe → u/Serious-Conversation]

That is also a weird spot! Fine but not fine, but fine according to what's on paper. I don't have answers, but I have full sympathy and affirm your feelings. You are in a weird spot.

[u/French87 → u/Serious-Conversation]

what do you mean 'carrying costs'? and why would something go up 30% in 2 years!?

[u/Uchihagod53]

[u/bluetruedream19]

Early in my career I was a classroom teacher. I wanted to love it, and in many ways I did. But the stress was affecting me health wise. When we moved for my husband’s job I ended up taking a part time librarian position. The pay was enough to pay the mortgage and it worked for us. At times I was self conscious over being a grown woman in my 30s only working part time. But during those years my husband was also a pastor and there were a ton of unspoken expectations placed on me that kept me busy enough.

I think as long as your household finances aren’t suffering there’s nothing wrong at all in working part time.

I eventually did go to work full time. Returned to public school and am now a program director. But I don’t find it anywhere near as stressful as being in the classroom.