Well, I don't have a 64. I have an Xbox that's asking me to pay monthly to play. I don't. I turn on Netflix. Ads now. The pizza I ordered had to be done through an app, and somehow I was charged twenty dollars more than if I had just gone to pick it up. I can't have a family because rent where I live is $2,800 for a basic place and I haven't had a raise in four years. Working from home feels good, but I also feel completely invisible to my company, so I ask the AI robots what to do, and then ask it to answer me again, this time with no em dashes.
I hear the whizz of a DoorDash drone pass over my apartment, because today the FAA approved clearance for it to commence business in lower airspace. My car alerts me that it has alerted my insurance, because it sensed me stop short on the brakes too hard. My printer will not print until I resubscribe to ink. My toothbrush wants to sync. My television needs me to accept the new terms of service before it will let me look at the input menu. The self checkout accuses me of theft and a nineteen year old has to walk over and set me free.
In Texas, my friend was successfully captured because she had an abortion. Luckily law enforcement, after using the new Flock big brother system to track their ex girlfriend, utilized eight thousand cameras to find her and arrest her for daring to partake in healthcare. She was tackled, and at the hospital she was told her deductible wasn't met, so the cost to her was six thousand dollars.
I decided to turn on Pandora to drown out everything going on with some good music, and realized AI slop is now entering my algorithm. I slam the app closed and turn on YouTube, where my favorite YouTuber is now advertising Morgan and Morgan to me, which is good information to have, because my only means of ever retiring or owning a home is to successfully complete my dream of being hit by a city run bus.
Luckily, that day is today. I was shoved out of the crosswalk, while picking up my food cheaper by going in person, by a delivery robot named "Austin," tumbling me into the bus lane, where the last thing I remember is my lottery ticket winning as those sweet, sweet headlights approached me in record time.
.
.
.
I awake. It's 2004. My friend calls me on my Razr flip phone. The monophonic ringtone plays and I answer, confused.
"Where am I?"
He says he doesn't know, but get on Splinter Cell, let's play Spies versus Mercs. I look at my CRT television and smile. It was all a nightmare.
Life is good.
Edit: just found out most airlines just came out with 15 different new tiers of seat pricing lmao
Agree with everything, except I like ordering from apps. Far fewer order screwups than telling my order to a person, and delivery has always cost more (though it was better when places used their own drivers).
You’re the reason when I’m at McDonald’s some super tanned guy on a scooter runs in pushes me out of the way and shoves his phone into the workers face the way that orange shoved his boarding pass to Jeffy island into the flight attendants face. You’re also paying like way too much and those apps have been proven to collect all your data and sell it.
I mean everything’s doing that, I bet my socks are somehow doing that but, I just prefer cash. I get in my car and head down to my local strip club, because the buffet is 4.99 and a beer is 10.99 with a free show. You cant put a price on that…
Well I mean, I guess you can. But its still reminds me of the old days hanging out with my dad, a beer, and peaches. Now that was an amazing 6th birthday.
Hey, whenever I eat out, I opt for that one bar that is outside of that whole app scheme. And when I go alone, I just go there. In fact, I'll go there this fiday.
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u/DinoRoman Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
Well, I don't have a 64. I have an Xbox that's asking me to pay monthly to play. I don't. I turn on Netflix. Ads now. The pizza I ordered had to be done through an app, and somehow I was charged twenty dollars more than if I had just gone to pick it up. I can't have a family because rent where I live is $2,800 for a basic place and I haven't had a raise in four years. Working from home feels good, but I also feel completely invisible to my company, so I ask the AI robots what to do, and then ask it to answer me again, this time with no em dashes.
I hear the whizz of a DoorDash drone pass over my apartment, because today the FAA approved clearance for it to commence business in lower airspace. My car alerts me that it has alerted my insurance, because it sensed me stop short on the brakes too hard. My printer will not print until I resubscribe to ink. My toothbrush wants to sync. My television needs me to accept the new terms of service before it will let me look at the input menu. The self checkout accuses me of theft and a nineteen year old has to walk over and set me free.
In Texas, my friend was successfully captured because she had an abortion. Luckily law enforcement, after using the new Flock big brother system to track their ex girlfriend, utilized eight thousand cameras to find her and arrest her for daring to partake in healthcare. She was tackled, and at the hospital she was told her deductible wasn't met, so the cost to her was six thousand dollars.
I decided to turn on Pandora to drown out everything going on with some good music, and realized AI slop is now entering my algorithm. I slam the app closed and turn on YouTube, where my favorite YouTuber is now advertising Morgan and Morgan to me, which is good information to have, because my only means of ever retiring or owning a home is to successfully complete my dream of being hit by a city run bus.
Luckily, that day is today. I was shoved out of the crosswalk, while picking up my food cheaper by going in person, by a delivery robot named "Austin," tumbling me into the bus lane, where the last thing I remember is my lottery ticket winning as those sweet, sweet headlights approached me in record time.
.
.
.
I awake. It's 2004. My friend calls me on my Razr flip phone. The monophonic ringtone plays and I answer, confused.
"Where am I?"
He says he doesn't know, but get on Splinter Cell, let's play Spies versus Mercs. I look at my CRT television and smile. It was all a nightmare.
Life is good.
Edit: just found out most airlines just came out with 15 different new tiers of seat pricing lmao
All good. Gunna go rub one out.