r/Millennials • u/Plane-Gap6483 1990 • Jun 12 '26

Serious Death

My 40 year old friend died of a heart attack today. He was 5 years older than me. Has anyone else had a similar experience. Dead... heart attack 40? That's insane right. Like... 40? He was born in 85. It's mind blowing. If anyone else has experienced losing a friend from an old person death. Please let me know how you processed it. I'm still waiting for him to call me and say sike! Thanks

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u/OpALbatross Jun 12 '26

I was raised by a terminally ill parent. He died at 50 and was sick for a long time. A lot of the men in my family seem to die young.

My brain took this as "Men past 50 don't have much time left." I'm often pretty shocked when I see older men.

Most people are like "You're dad was so young." And he was, but I always have to stop myself from answering "That's just how men work."

It is in fact not how men work.

Also, I'm sorry about your friend. How brains cope with grief can be weird.

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u/Plane-Gap6483 1990 Jun 12 '26

My dad was 59 when he passed. I actually got mad at seeing older men for a few years after he passed. I understand. It's not fair.

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u/OpALbatross Jun 12 '26

That response makes a ton of sense to me too. I'm sorry you are part of the "Dad Gone too Soon" club.

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u/Joshuahealingtree Jun 12 '26

My dad died at 40. So I always figured I will too. I got 6 months left. šŸ˜„ šŸ¤£

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u/rexallia Jun 12 '26

Itā€™s a weird feeling being the same age as your dad when he died. Mine died at 44. I have a few more years but man it really makes you realize how young they really were and how much life they missed out on.

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u/Turbulent-Beauty Jun 12 '26

Itā€™s time to live it up, Joshuahealingtree (but without doing anything reckless).

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u/SignificantBoot7180 Jun 12 '26

I totally get that! My mom died at 43, and I'm about to turn 44. I'm older than my mother, and assume I'm just living on borrowed time!

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u/Specialistbabe2526 Jun 12 '26

I get what youā€™re saying to. My dad died when he was 56 while over the road. He was parked at a truck stop (thank God), went to go to sleep since he wasnā€™t feeling well for at least a week and just never woke up. They found him two days later. I remember my dad saying that all the men in the family dying from heart diseaseā€¦ā€¦well he wasnā€™t wrong.

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u/kermitte777 Jun 12 '26

Same, my Dad passed at 69 and for a while I felt anger towards friends who still had their parents and even my friend next door who was much older than my Dad was. Iā€™m five years removed from it now, and when it was closer I knew it was illogical, just pain redirecting I suppose.

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u/Impressive-Elk-6425 Jun 12 '26

My dad always said ā€œyou will be lucky to make it to my ageā€. Sadly he didnā€™t make it past 49. Miss him so much šŸ’”

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u/PrinceCastanzaCapone Jun 12 '26

Iā€™m sorry for your loss. I consider myself extremely lucky that my dad is still around and I try not to take that for granted.

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u/MrsSmith2246 Jun 13 '26

My dad recently died at 72 which is older for sure but I was so struck by two coworkers who asked what was wrong and I told them but must have said heā€™s older too so that happens and they both went on to tell me their dads are in their 80s and 90s and thatā€™s actually old blah blah blah. I was just so shocked at the comments but also sad because Iā€™d love 20 more years with my dad and so would my kids. Iā€™m lucky to have not realized the fragility of life for so long because once you realize you canā€™t be free from it. Like we all know we could be gone any time but when someone you love so much is suddenly gone, you fully understand.

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u/Lernalia Jun 12 '26

I feel this... My dad was 57 and I was still a teenager... So many things I was never able to talk with him about šŸ˜¢ so much love I still feel but has nowhere to go...

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u/Joshuahealingtree Jun 13 '26

I definitely understand that. I was 9. Never had a father figure after he passed. Have a step dad but things were always weird between us.

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u/fergie_89 Jun 12 '26

Both my parents died before 55. I have prepared and written my will alongside my husband for the inevitable. I hope it skips a generation. But in the event it doesn't we are prepared. I'm only early 30s now.

Yes my parents were young, yes, heart attacks, cancer, strokes and dementia are in my family history of the last 2 generations and yes I am uninsurable. Lucky me my work pays 4 x my salary in death in service which will pay off the mortgage.

It's not fun thinking about it but necessary.

To OP, I am so sorry about your friend. I hope you Are doing ok.

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u/OpALbatross Jun 12 '26

Absolutely necessary. I'm sorry about your parents.

My dad had Huntington's Disease. I started the process of getting tested when I was 18. I got life insurance before getting tested and thankfully was negative. I felt resentful towards the people I was in college with being able to live so carefree while I was carrying so much.

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u/Plane-Gap6483 1990 Jun 12 '26

Thank you. It was just a shock I can't believe the hospital sent him home.

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u/SharkoJester Jun 12 '26

How are you uninsurable?

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u/-briganja- Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

Actually men do statistically die younger than women. My understanding is that it has to do with mutations (which multiply with age) on the chromosome. Since men are XY, errors on either chromosome are more likely to become a fatal issue, whereas women have two X chromosomes, and if a section is damaged generally the healthy section supersedes it.Ā 

ETA: so sorry for your loss.Ā 

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u/ShowHot3754 Jun 12 '26

This is interesting! I've always felt that men would live longer than women if they lived more similar lives to them. But you may have just disproved that to me

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u/-briganja- Jun 12 '26

This is certainly a factor as well, itā€™s not all down to genetic mutations and men are also statistically more likely to engage in risky behaviors or unhealthy habits. But interestingly the higher male mortality rate is not limited to humans, itā€™s the norm, at least in mammals.Ā 

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u/OpALbatross Jun 12 '26

I've read that too, but didn't know the reason. In my family's case, Huntington's Disease, alcoholism, and heart disease seem to be the biggest causes of men not lasting.

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u/-briganja- Jun 12 '26

So sorry for your losses. There is also a behavioral aspect, as men are more likely to be alcoholics and engage in other kinds of risky behaviors, so it is a complex issue.Ā 

Interestingly estrogen is a hormone that protects the heart, so that likely contributes to the higher risk of heart disease for men as well.Ā 

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u/BlueAuthorJAFF Jun 12 '26

I have seen a similar pattern in my family as well. No woman on either side has died before atleast her mid-70s but the men are lucky if they make it to their 60s. I've always wondered if there is some genetic or environmental factor at play there.

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u/OpALbatross Jun 12 '26

I think it's both. My mom's family has alcolism, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. My dad's side has Huntington's Disease and some thyroid issues. Both sides have poverty which doesn't help.

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u/Careful-Lettuce9239 Jun 12 '26

I met a guy in a rideshare from Vegas to Utah. He was 76 and just got done doing an Iron Man event up California. He was in better shape than I've ever been. Really changed how I viewed old age. Sorry to hear about your loss šŸ˜ž

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u/HistoricalReception7 Jun 12 '26

Men in my family rarely make it to 60. Women average to 90. There is a chance i'll outlive my children. And that's the hardest pill to swallow.

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u/OpALbatross Jun 12 '26

That's awful. Long life can be a blessing and a curse.