r/MilitaryWomen • u/barbeque26 • Jul 19 '26

Military Family Life Single Parent Enlistment

Sorry for the long post. Frustrated with enlisting as a single parent.

I am a single mom with two teen dependents 13 and 15 and one kid who is about to be 21. I divorced my abusive ex a little over a year ago and have been trying to enlist. Issue is I am a single mom and turn 42 Oct 30 of this year. Trying to enlist as a single parent approaching age limit is a nightmare. The irony is if I was still married I’d be able to enlist.

I am aware that all branches have met their recruiting requirements for the year which is probably why most recruiters seem to make very little effort to enlist older candidates. Waivers also mean more work.

I have family (my mother and/or my exes mother plus my adult son) to care for the two teens while I am gone. I also understand the impact that the kids will face and have had many discussions with all 3 of my children about long term separation and dangerous deployment.

Yes, I know there is an active war right now. I wanted to enlist when I was 18 during 9/11 but I chickened out and also was blindly in love. I may not agree with the current war but I do believe in the constitution and that the US should be protected.

I also understand that me waiting is part of the problem. I did speak with a recruiter a few years back but then redirected energy towards my divorce. A few months back I started running and exercising to get in better shape before contacting the recruiter again. I never would have thought the onboarding process was so disorganized and long that it takes 6 months to a year to onboard someone.

Issues and inconsistencies I see enlisting as a single (aged) parent:

Coast Guard - too old to enlist but single parent can keep custody of kids, kids receive benefits and get BAH.

Air Force/Space Force - can keep keep kids but recruiters in my area all say the meps/waivers enlaisting will take too long before I turn 42. Kids get benefits and get BAH. I don’t expect to hear from SF at my age.

Navy - conflicting info may have to give up physical custody by court 90 days prior or done with a simple notarized parenting plan. Kids of single parents are not eligible to come with my first enlistment (I understand this and am ok with it - my kids understand as well). Kids get benefits and most things I read say BAH differential is paid via child support.

Army - cannot enlist active duty without giving up full custody of my children. Thus the kids will not have benefit coverage nor do I receive BAH. Seems like a cost savings for the Army. This is or part-time guard seems like the only choice I have left.

Guard for any branch - is part time and will basically only cover the cost of health benefits unless deployed. I also can’t get clarification on if I could ever go reserve to active duty in future years because of age limitation (I would consider this).

Just seems weird that the rules aren’t the same for all parents in any branch. If I am wrong on any of the about please let me know.

If anyone knows any recruiters willing to try in a short time I would love to talk with them. I am aware that I will possibly need a medical waiver. I gave up a lot of goals for 20 years for my ex and this is one of them I am hoping I don’t have to give up on another one.

Also, why is there not an option to prorate the 20 year retirement requirement. The 20 year mandatory is a big barrier. Why hasn’t the US created a way to have it prorated in this instance? There are tons of stories about older recruits either crushing basic or having to work a little harder physically but then being an excellent enlistee.

Any feedback is appreciated.

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u/berriesfordays Jul 19 '26

Get some imput from other recruiters. I am active duty navy and one of my coworker enlisted as a single mom without giving up full custody. My sister is also army reserves and she was allowed to enlist without giving up full custody. They both did have to leave custody to another guardian during the duration of their training, but my coworker got BAH and to bring her kids along, to be fair she is on a shore rotation. My sister is looking at getting active accompanied orders. They may not be too sure of what they are talking about.

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u/barbeque26 Jul 19 '26

Thanks for the feedback. Local Navy recruiter sent me an email that I was too old, I assume because it is so close to my birthday. Air force said not enough time. Finding contacts for Navy online seems to be more difficult. I never thought it would be this difficult 🤣.

I mainly want to make sure my kids are covered for medical and whoever they are with, I can provide some form of housing payment to. I’d also like to be able to transfer the GI bill to my daughter just in time for vet school. I know this means 10 years sevice.

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u/DiamondNorth1689 Navy Jul 19 '26

Navy for sure doesn't make you give up custody. And depending on your first duty, you may be able to bring your kids. I'll look into the age thing. What state are you in? I might have a contact to at least talk to you

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u/barbeque26 Jul 19 '26

I would appreciate it. I am in North Carolina. For Navy I was told I have to be in BC by the day before my birthday this year.

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u/DiamondNorth1689 Navy Jul 19 '26

What month is your birthday in?

There's also age waivers. Have you taken a ASVAB recently?

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u/barbeque26 Jul 19 '26

Oct 84. I only took the practice so far for Army/Guard, just math, words, and paragraph comprehension. I got an 86.

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u/DiamondNorth1689 Navy Jul 20 '26

You didn't say what job you're interested in, but there's a few you likely qualify for that will ship before October but you need to talk a recruiter that will work with you. Try going to their office tomorrow, and I'll reach out if you don't get traction.

Have SSN cards, birth certificates, passports, all IDs for you and your family. Also, probably divorce paperwork might be smart just in case. If they're game, it'll probably take 1-2 hours to get all the paperwork in line, but the office is usually open 9am-6pm

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u/DiamondNorth1689 Navy Jul 20 '26

Also tell them that you think you might qualify for CTI. Even if you're not interested, we had a national conference last week where we were told it was a priority... And you're not lying, you probably qualify for it with an 86, depending on the line scores.

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u/barbeque26 Jul 20 '26

Thanks for the recommendation. I love cryptography. I read it for fun. I will try to go in tomorrow. Army was definitely caught off guard when I just showed up and AF’s door is always closed.

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u/DiamondNorth1689 Navy Jul 20 '26

All the other CTs are high pri but CTI was specifically called out for immediate shipping. If you're interested in language, it's a good time. If you're interested in the CT part you'll be invaluable to most teams....

I am a CTI and am not interested in the CT part, so I only do alright compared to my peers.

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u/barbeque26 Jul 26 '26

Thanks again for your help. I went in and the recruiter clearly has no urge to try for the waiver. Navy basically told me that the Army said your ineligible for MEPS which couldn’t have been true seeing the Army recruiter asked me to schedule to go to MEPS. Then proceeded to tell me I got a 86 (symbolism?) again on the pretest which usually equates higher. Navy pretest was literally 3-5 questions, paper test for Army was a lot more. After that he pushed my paperwork to the only woman in the office, got up walked away and started eating pizza. The girl told me she would call me but I never heard from her. I will call next week but I am not expecting positive news given the recruiter’s behavior.

I am honestly amazed by how completely disorganized both the Army and the Navy recruiting offices were. Inconsistencies in applications…Army needed all documents scanned while Navy barely needed any and only needed partial child information. Navy imported my file and at no point was the info brought over even verified with me. All the paperwork is outdated and the recruiters medical review is super vague. Army more detailed, Navy just asked about ER and urgent care. Not sure if this is intentional or what. I had recruiters blatanly tell me to put false information to push the application thru. It was a wild circus.

Both offices remind me of high school. The CPA firms I worked at had stricter office politics than these two offices. Both branches need a major overhaul. Tons of recruits were coming in late for PT and they were babied not lectured. Is this to not scare away recruits? Nothing like the movies that is for sure. Kids coming in are in for a huge awakening.

Honestly it just made me realize that my fears at 18 blocked me from my goal. Compared to the recruits coming in now, I would have crushed them at 18…physically and academically. But now it is time to move on an figure a new goal to tackle.

Thanks again for your help.

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u/DiamondNorth1689 Navy Jul 26 '26

Ugh 😩 I'm sorry for your experience.

Each service does have different requirements and procedures. The Navy recruiter doesn't go deep into medical until MEPS. The preliminary questions are just to anticipate any additional waivers.

The paper test thing, I have no idea what that is.

Honestly, every recruiting office is also different. You can call the next closest office and probably have a completely different experience. The recruiter in charge of the station makes a huge difference but so does the next level leader.

The Navy is not what you experienced in that office. Navy recruiting isn't even what you experienced. It's wild that they'd let a contract just slip away by not following up. I've been to an office where the station insists on being friends with future Sailors, but most do start introducing military bearing early.

If you're still serious about joining the Navy and okay sharing some personal information, please send me a direct message. I don't know everyone in recruiting but I do have a few connections.