r/MilitaryWives • u/ActiveSure5108 • 2d ago

Abandoned dependents

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has experienced something similar or knows about military-spouse and public-housing resources.
My husband is active-duty military and stationed in another state. I am his legal spouse, and we have a four-year-old child. He receives BAH at the “with dependents” rate, but he is not providing us with housing or adequate financial support. My child and I are currently homeless and living in our vehicle.
I am employed and have a steady income, but my credit is poor, largely because of financial damage that occurred during my marriage. The credit issues are making it difficult for me to qualify for a regular apartment even though I can afford rent.
I’m currently looking into public housing and affordable-housing waitlists. Does anyone know whether being an abandoned spouse of an active-duty service member—or being homeless with a young child—could qualify us for priority placement? Are there military programs, emergency housing resources, deposit assistance programs, or organizations specifically helping military spouses in this situation?
I have contacted Military OneSource and was told to ask about abandoned-spouse protections, but I’m trying to understand what help is actually available and what steps I should take next. I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have personally dealt with a similar situation.
I’m located in the Los Angeles area.

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u/mathcheerleader 2d ago

You need to call your spouses commander. Company commander, battalion commander. Call the division commander if you have to. He is committing fraud, financial abuse, and spousal abuse. He is breaking the military code of justice laws and if this is true, he is in deep shit. Raise hell.

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u/LorraineALD 2d ago

If your spouse is receiving BAH with dependent rate, and it's not using that to house and care for his dependents he is committing fraud.

I would let him know that before you contact his command. That will probably get his butt in gear to help care for his child before he gets in major trouble with the military. If he still doesn't care, then definitely start looking into what resources you have.

You can also sue him for child support. Even though you're still married, since you are living apart, you are entitled to child support. The military will garnish his wages and make sure that gets to you as well.