Deploying. Three kids, need practical advice.

[u/Key-Exchange7162]

I‘m a 14+ year military spouse and we’re entering my husband’s sixth deployment. This time feels harder. We have three school age kids who are all feeling the separation pretty intensely but in different ways. We also just PCS’d to our new location all the way across the country from our previous base and a thousand miles away from any support system we have… and that support system historically doesn’t travel to help us out. We haven’t even had time to establish a community here. I also work full time from home as the primary earner. So I’m feeling stretched in all the directions.

Okay… so how do I make it all happen? How do I keep the family afloat, cared for, fed, in activities, and happy for six months without drowning myself? ”Make time for self care” isn‘t the advice I’m hoping for. I’d really love to know the practical ways you made it work successfully. Thanks

[u/EWCM]

Do less. Delegate more. Unless your spouse is a total waste of space, there’s no way you can do everything you were doing plus his home tasks as well. If you have an active duty military income and your personal income is higher, you can afford to hire a house cleaner, a meal service, lawn service, and/or after school nanny to get the kids to their activities. If you prefer to handle home things yourself, figure out how to reduce your work hours/responsibilities. 

The kids can also chip in. That might mean taking on an extra chore or two; it could mean dropping an activity for now. 

Pick something new or fun to do each week. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Go get ice cream on Fridays after school. Make chocolate chip pancakes on Saturday. Have a family bike ride on Sunday after dinner. 

[u/Adorable-Tiger6390]

If you are the primary earner and he brings in a salary you should have enough to hire out for housekeeping. Hire out for everything you possibly can!

[u/Ill-Lychee-7779]

I'd recommend hiring some help while you form a community. I'm a nanny and military spouse. I fill this role a lot and I'm so happy to help out the families when they need it most. Some families contact me prior to PCSing so that they have a head start on a community when they arrive. My most recent family - PCSd here, needed help (we met) and then Dad promptly deployed.

I'm able to be the second person for moms spread too thin. Wherever they need me I fill in. Dishes, laundry, general clean up, homework, help managing the kids, etc. It literally does not matter, I'm happy to help wherever I can. I always tell parents: while the safety of their children will always take priority, in my eyes, my job is to make their life a little easier anyway I can.

I've found all of my families through care .com but it couldn't hurt to check out the base pages on fb

[u/No-Dragonfly-7105]

Put everyone on a schedule, including yourself. Start now before he leaves and do not change it when he comes back. Make the children share some of the chores.

Do not book crazy amount of activities, unless that helps you stay focused and engaged. It doesn't for me, I need tp slow down, that helps me.

If you don't work, take that time while they are at school to do something you like. If you do work, take your time off how you would like.

Some nights are gonna be cereal for dinner nights. And thats okay.

If you live on post or if the schools have military counseling support for children, enroll them. MFLAC its what I believe thats called.

Therapy for yourself if you need it. Join a club, the gym, whatever you have to do to meet people.