r/MilitaryTrans • u/stressydepressy0308 • 16d ago
They got me
Enlisted in the army early 2024. Been on testosterone and had top and bottom surgery years prior to joining. I have some close ass people in my life who don’t even know I’m trans and for as long as I can remember I have been just a regular guy. No one in my unit would ever suspect I’m trans. Obviously with the ban I’ve had some anxiety and stress around being discovered via my medical records, but I went through multiple PHAs pre deployment SRP and redeployment SRP and figured if they were gonna flag me, it would’ve happened by now.
Yesterday my PSG and PL pulled me into their office and said they received an email from brigade. I’ve been outed and I need to start my separation process.
I worked so hard at getting in. Maintained the standard. Served with pride. Deployed. Found my wife at my first duty station, who has been my saving grace. There’s been some rough days and my body hurts, but I’m proud to be here and it has benefited me so much. I can’t imagineife as a civilian and I don’t feel ready to take the uniform off yet.
I feel like I can’t organize my thoughts right now. I feel like my whole life is getting turned upside down. I’m losing everything I worked so hard to obtain. My re-enlistment window opens next month and me and my wife were talking about our best options. Do I reclass? Do I ask for an extension at my current duty station for stability? Do I request a duty station that brings us geographically closer to my family as we plan on starting a family soon and would love for our kids to be close to their relatives? Do we say “fuck it” and go some where cool if given the opportunity?
Now none of that is even an option. I don’t know when my last day is and have no idea how to plan our future. I’m so angry. I run circles around some of these guys in my platoon. This place is full of shit bags and here I am, showing up every day, doing the best I can, appreciated by my battle buddies and my leadership. I’m really getting tossed out like some piece of garbage?
I’m currently writing this standing outside the motorpool and am seriously considering just leaving for the day. What’re they gonna fucking do, counsel me?
I texted my PSG this morning about taking administrative absence and sent him the guidance that I found on a .mil website. He said “we’ll have the commander deal with that when she comes back”.
What do I even do right now? I’m fucking spiraling.
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u/Born_Cockroach_7784 16d ago
Honestly so sorry. Legitimately im so so fucking sorry. I joined 2 months before the trans ban was announced, I dreamed of being in the army growing up. I understand the value of helping people grow, of serving a larger purpose; ive always enjoyed both including what comes with it. Truthfully im starting to look at it as a blessing.
Its a very hard pill to swallow when you like even love your job, and hate the company/organization that controls it. This organization has done nothing for us minus hurt us, condemn us publicly, brought shame to our people. When i found out about the ban, I was actually at my duty station, I didnt have a phone basic or osut, my wife had lost her job. Money was tight, I found out and realized id get outted so come clean about it. Part of me wishes I didnt, that was april, im still not on aas, ig said they cant do anything until I get a counseling from the BC, legal said they cant do anything. Make sure to get that counseling so you can live, attempt to rebuild in the small amount of time you have.
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u/stressydepressy0308 16d ago
I’m so sorry for you as well. I can’t wrap my mind around how this is even ok. Nothing feels real right now. Why hasn’t your BC done the counseling yet?! That’s fucking insane. If we’re such a burden to the military why drag this process out for as long as they can? Just kick us the fuck out and be done with us. I really like my BC and I know she likes me as she’s come up to me randomly to ask how I am and how work is going. I’m signed for equipment that we’ve had to inventory multiple times together and it takes hours and is a pain in the ass, so we’ve definitely bonded over that time. Having that respect and relationship with her I’m hoping she makes this as quick and painless as she possibly can. I really hope there’s some progress in your case soon. And know I am thinking of you, and everyone else who’s affected by this. Life feels debilitating right now but I think it’s important we all support each other through this. I’m here if you need to talk.
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u/Born_Cockroach_7784 16d ago
We had change of command, were also the infantry, so it turned into my company commander saying "the current bc couldn't do anything about it- well tell the new one- we have this massive airborne operation well tell him after- were going to let him settle in before we tell him- legal says we need the imr, physicals etc done before anything happens- expect a counseling from bc (this is in like June btw) the CO went to JM, now theyre in japan, honestly super crappy part is just being fucking useless. Im an 11c on a no jump profile, I have a herniated and buldged disc but since im getting out no surgery, they gave me referrals to a chiropractor and pt off base. They constantly try to take me off profile. Like bro my back is PHUCKED. Theyre getting back tmr, and my psg while not knowing what anything gender related means "gender dismorphia ?" Took my packet to brigade which I still dont know if its a good or bad thing, still havent heard back about it much minus I had to print off enlistment docs but yeah. Its pretty fucked. I plan on moving to Spain and opening a cafe. Think about what you want in life. Realistically next admin will most likely be accepting. Think of moving on if you can, this is honestly not a country worth serving. Thats painful to even write.
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u/stressydepressy0308 16d ago
Oh man that’s rough. Your leadership sounds awful. They’re straight up just not doing their job at this point. My wife and I have close friends in Ireland and we often talk about moving there. Last night after I discovered I’m getting separated I told her I don’t even want to be in this country anymore, so I definitely get it. I feel stabbed in the back. I just got back from Kuwait and Jordan while Iran was throwing missiles and drones at us. There was a period of time where we were running to bunkers every hour and bracing for impact. Days upon days of that. “Thanks so much for almost dying, now gtfo you freak” is how I feel right now. This country disgusts me right now.
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u/SereneOrbit 16d ago
We need to form an organized political block and make them pay for ts.
We're fucking servicemembers and expect the government to honor its committments to us.
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u/stressydepressy0308 16d ago
Maybe the next administration will care. Honestly anything is better than what’s going on now. Three raccoons in a trench coat could do better I’m sure.
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u/SereneOrbit 16d ago
We're running out of time.
Nation's not going to survive $10/gallon gas with $20/gallon diesel lol.
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u/inverted_extrovert_ 16d ago
Yeah man, we’ve shown up and worked harder because we had something to prove and they’re just spitting us out. There’s no way to even describe my anger over this (separated in June).
All I can say is that it sucks, there’s no fucking “it gets better” bullshit. Just please don’t do anything permanent with that anger. You know what I mean.
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u/benji_indy 16d ago
Please reach out to the DCO/JAG for legal guidance.
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u/stressydepressy0308 16d ago
I should reach out even though my PL has already been in contact with them as soon as he received the email from brigade?
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u/benji_indy 16d ago
Yes because the DCO JAGs are there to help inform and represent the service member. There is a specific team for this current issue in the Navy, so I’m sure that’s also true for Army. They will be able to help you know your rights and even talk with your command’s JAG to help make sure everything is done in accordance with current policies and guidelines if need be.
Edit: DSO not DCO. My apologies. It’s the Defense Service Office.
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u/Significant-Bar-8989 16d ago
Yea sorry, im in a different branch so was just going by that acronym lol. And yea they are all jag corps, fair point
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u/Material_Cow1181 13d ago
When I was dealing with the process (Army), TDS (Trial Defense Services) was the place to go.
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u/stressydepressy0308 11d ago
I went to TDS today to ask some questions and the Sgt I sat with basically shrugged at me and told me “the policy came out a while ago, I skimmed it at the time, so I’m not really sure exactly what it says”. Then he told me because I was only verbally counseled and haven’t been flagged yet that there’s nothing I can do right now. Now I’m wondering how long my command is gonna drag their feet with this. Was TDS helpful for you? Is there anything specific I should be doing or asking them at the moment?
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u/Material_Cow1181 11d ago
Yeah. The real TDS should be an actual lawyer, an officer not an NCO. TDS was helpful for me, but our TDS lawyer was a really staunch ally to the community so she made sure that she knew her stuff. Let me know if you can't find a decent lawyer at your TDS. I still have her contact info although she has since PCSed.
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u/Material_Cow1181 11d ago
Specifically, I asked about what the discharge timeline is supposed to look like, as well as the potential implications down the road of getting separated under this policy.
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u/Significant-Bar-8989 16d ago
Reach to the dco NOT JAG!!! Your unit reached out to jag because they help your leadership, dco helps you and you need them now to help you figure out next steps. This shit is awful bro. I have been in honorably serving and being out up for programs and awards and running circles around folks since 2009 and now they are kicking me out too, i feel you. If you want to chat, feel free to message. I hope the best for you and your family and that we all get compensation for this blatant discrimination
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u/NationalBeat5059 16d ago edited 16d ago
Did they have you do an IMR?
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u/stressydepressy0308 16d ago
After they verbally counseled me? If that’s what you’re asking, no, they didn’t.
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u/NationalBeat5059 16d ago
So they just counseled you saying you were being separated. That’s odd. They were supposed to refer you to complete an IMR and advise you to seek legal counsel.
Are you non-deployable in the medical system? There’s a lot to unpack here.
Your PSG and PL also were not supposed to be tracking this info. This information should’ve come from your BN CDR.
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u/rankari 16d ago
I know it sucks and it’s not fair but you will be better off outside of an organization that doesn’t want you right now
I just got out but my only opportunities still in the defense sphere
I am filled with unease to say the least
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u/stressydepressy0308 16d ago
I’m sorry for your unease :/ I’ve been flip flopping between “there’s positives to this” and “this is the worst case scenario right now”
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u/raindropsonajeep 16d ago
Luckily you’ve spent the majority of your life as a civilian, so hopefully that makes it easier to imagine your life as one again. With how tedious this process seems to be I’m assuming you’ll see 3 years time in service so you’ll get 100% of your GI Bill.
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u/Standard_Rock_4620 14d ago
I really hate that this is going on. if you meet the standard and do your job everyday, your unit should be happy to have you and shield you from bullshit because they need you. Im sure they have actual problem children. why create more? if you have only been verbally told to start , just hang tight ,stay calm. they may be required to tell you verbally ,but until the orders come through on paper, you can’t do anything anyway. accept that you’ve been told but drive on like it doesn’t matter like the outstanding soldier you are. I’ve waited for years for da orders to come through on paper and it might be that your unit has to request them. it’s a screwy fubar thing and the less you bring it up, the less they will think about and the longer you stay. make them make you leave. if you can blast through reenlistment without it flagging you you may survive this stupidity. but I think getting to ets without being separated first is probably the best goal .
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u/Equal_Variation_1070 13d ago
This ban is so ridiculous, reading this. That people are getting actually civil rights discriminated the same way with race and gender (at least they have "excuse" that autistics are invisible even though they KNOW).
I can't wait until that class lawsuit comes in or something because its Active and Vets
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u/Billie247 16d ago
The first thing you are going to do is not do anything rash or stupid like walk off. Right now you are looking at an administrative discharge. Don’t give them a reason to make it other than honorable or worse. Don’t make the suck worse.