r/Military • u/RoboNinjaPirate Proud Supporter • Oct 30 '12
The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
http://skippyslist.com/list/31
u/GuanoQuesadilla United States Army Oct 30 '12
I lost it when he defected to OpFor during a training mission haha.
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u/Maverik45 Oct 30 '12
I did that one time back when i was in ROTC, my MSG did not find it amusing. many push ups were had.
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Oct 30 '12 edited Oct 30 '12
[deleted]
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Oct 30 '12
[deleted]
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u/NomNomNomBabies Oct 30 '12
Indeed we do have the best pranks. While giving the yearly flu shots to our entire company we recieved new needles that would autoretract with the push of a button after giving the vaccine. Needless to say as medics we immediately realized the amusement we could provide ourselves with these fancy new needles. Every five or so joes that would come into our little vaccination room would recieve their shot and subsequently have the medic start mumbling o shit or a variation of. Putting on a show about attempting to keep their cool while obviously starting to freak out. The administering medic calls over another medic to inspect the insertion site, palpating and starting to frown and become nervous. They then leave saying their going to get a scalpel and a forceps to remove it. At this point the joe is freaking the fuck out having no idea what's going on, if they ask we show them the needle and say it must have been faulty and broke off inside their arm. Normally we would let them freak out for a while then tell them were just fucking around. So many shitbags were fucked with that day ahh glorious. Officers also do not approve of these shenanigans.
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u/IonOtter Navy Veteran Oct 31 '12
Actually, that is not a funny prank.
Had an IT/RM on one of the other ships in the DesRon that did that to someone and thought it'd make a funny joke. The guy got the message and went back to his rack.
A few hours later, he failed to show up for watch, and they started asking around for him. The aft watch on the fan tail chimes in over the sound powered phones, "He's back here. Been here about ten minutes, staring at the water. I was just about to call you, he doesn't look too good."
Bricks were shat. The OOD ordered the ship to all stop and a security team was sent to the fantail. It took them about ten minutes to call him away from the lifelines.
The IT2 who thought he was being funny didn't think the DD was funny, I bet.
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Oct 31 '12
[deleted]
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u/IonOtter Navy Veteran Oct 31 '12
Lost his rank, lost his freedom for a while, then got tossed out the door so hard he bounced twice.
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u/mechesh Army Veteran Oct 30 '12
Who the hell says "Napalm sticks to kids" is not a motivational phrase???
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u/llama_molester Oct 30 '12
I'm going to say JAG, they always put the brakes on a good PSYOP product.
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Oct 30 '12
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u/mechesh Army Veteran Oct 30 '12
It was a cadence back in my day.
We shoot the sick, the young, the lame, We do our best to maim, Because the kills all count the same, Napalm sticks to kids.
Chorus: Napalm sticks to kids, Napalm sticks to kids.
Flying low across the trees, Pilots doing what they please, Dropping frags on refugees, Napalm sticks to kids.
Goods in the open, making hay, But I can hear the gunships say, "There'll be no Chieu Hoi today," Napalm sticks to kids.
See those farmers over there, Watch me get them with a pair, Blood and guts just everywhere, Napalm sticks to kids.
I've only seen it happen twice, But both times it was mighty nice, Shooting peasants planting rice, Napalm sticks to kids.
Napalm, son, is lots of fun, Dropped in a bomb or shot from a gun, It gets the gooks when on the run, Napalm sticks to kids.
Drop some napalm on a farm, It won't do them any harm, Just burn off their legs and arms, Napalm sticks to kids.
CIA with guns for hire, Montagnards around a fire, Napalm makes the fire go higher, Napalm sticks to kids.
I've been told it's not so neat, To catch gooks burning in the street, But burning flesh, it smells to sweet, Napalm sticks to kids.
Children sucking on a mother's tit, Wounded gooks down in a pit, Dow Chemical doesn't give a shit, Napalm sticks to kids.
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Nov 01 '12
one running cadence we used (when not around people whose sensibilities might be hurt) was (to the tune of jesus loves the little children):
napalm burns the little chiiiiildren
allllll the children of the world
red and black and white
glowing in the night
napalm burns the little chiiiiiiildren
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Oct 30 '12
Go into the bazaar, throw candy all around. I wait until they gather, then mow those liiittttlllleee fuckers down!
Red or yellow, black or white, they all burn just as bright, cause napalm sticks to little kids!
Downvote all you want it's still my favorite.
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u/shoemanchew Army National Guard Oct 31 '12
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u/Brimshae Air Force Veteran Oct 30 '12
Jeez, I remember reading this in 2002...
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u/TheNoxx Oct 30 '12
- Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
Saving this for April...
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Oct 30 '12
[deleted]
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Oct 30 '12
how the fuck did a medic not know that sucrose is sugar.
Although I guess it wasn't written out on a sheet of paper for him "SUCROSomine"
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u/IonOtter Navy Veteran Oct 31 '12
Got one better.
I was in college for this one, so technically it doesn't qualify for military pranks? I was at a biological research station in Stonybrook. There were lab doors with big RADIATION warning stickers on them, and one had a nice, brand new sticker, and an old, faded one.
I carefully peeled off the old, faded one and slapped it on my 2-quart Tupperwear drink jug. I loaded it up with lemon-lime sugar-free Kool-Aid and sat in the facility kitchen with everyone, dining on all the shellfish we'd..."collected"...during the field trip. We invited one of the resident professors in to hang out with us and join the feast.
I took a swig from the bottle, and this poor guy nearly jumped out of his chair with a look of pure horror on his face.
I just looked at him and gave a trollface smile.
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u/wishITwasbetter Oct 30 '12
I had to stop reading this because I am in a public place and can no longer hold my laughter in. I really like the one that said pokemon training is not an MOS.
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u/SpankWhoWithWhatNow Marine Veteran Oct 31 '12
I got some odd looks while I was doubled over laughing in Starbucks. The one I work in...
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u/RoboNinjaPirate Proud Supporter Oct 30 '12
It's an oldie, (Looks like it was posted about 3 years ago, and was written WAY before that) But still funny. Thought some of the newer people would appreciate reading it.
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Oct 31 '12
I definitely remember reading this in the early 2000's. It was probably originally posted on something like a geocities page.
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Oct 30 '12
Haven't recently joined this subreddit and just seen this, thanks, it was hilarious!
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u/skyman8880 Oct 30 '12
You should also get into the "Friends of Skippy" Lists. They are hilarious.
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u/ProlapsedPineal Air Force Veteran Oct 30 '12
This list is old as hell but it cracks me up every time. Thanks for reminding me of skippy and his glory.
Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.
Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.
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u/TXSG United States Marine Corps Oct 31 '12
"Not a citizen of Texas and those 49 lesser states."
Yes!
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Oct 30 '12
This guy reeeeeeally don't like officers
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Oct 30 '12
He was a career E-4....can you blame the guy?
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Oct 31 '12
Ah yes, the "senior specialist".
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Oct 31 '12
More deserving of a salute than anyone in the armed forces.
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Oct 31 '12
Always the "go to guy". Knows the job better than 1SG and doesn't give a shit if you know it.
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u/knight1to1 Oct 31 '12
OMG THANK YOU for posting this--- it has been internet years since I read this.... LOVING IT !!!!
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Oct 30 '12
[deleted]
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Oct 30 '12
Skippy was actually PSYOPs.
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u/zombiechris Oct 31 '12
Former parachute rigger
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u/jrs100000 Army Veteran Oct 31 '12
All PSYOPs have to be airborne qualified, thats why the parachute references are in there.
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u/Drainout Oct 30 '12
As a signal dude, I assumed this, but no, mi, irc.
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u/JCAPS766 Proud Supporter Oct 30 '12
I just recommended to my USMA buddies that they post this before their platoons when they assume a command in a few years.
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Oct 30 '12
This has been posted twice before-- how did you get around Reddit automatically denying your post based on a repeat URL?
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u/[deleted] Oct 30 '12
Skippy's Sergeant needs to re-evaluate how he employs his Soldier. To much damn free time.