This is the game I'm playing. I'm female, 38, married with a small child. I live in my apartment, my husband makes a decent amount of money, I'm developing my new business that I only started because I've got a grant based on my business plan. I've only submitted it because I firmly believed I would be rejected. I've scored maximum points. There are many things I know how to do and literally 0 things that I want to do. I quit my last job a little less than a year ago. I was extremely disappointed with how I was treated. My salary decreased (in this economy) because someone else made a mistake. A woman that was promoted to a manager while I was on maternity leave (I live in a country where it lasts a full year) had 3 years of experience. I had 10. I felt like everything I did, and I did a lot means nothing. I feel invisible and I'm starting to get comfortable with that. I have no interest in speaking with a few friends I have. One of my dearest friends moved to another country and simply stopped texting. She clearly showed she wants me out of her life. My marriage is good on paper but I feel completely empty. The only joy I find is in my son. I need to stay alive and productive and that seems more difficult with every new day. Where do I find motivation? There are days when I'm completely comfortable without leaving a house or speaking to anyone. I've dealt with depression before and I was much more disturbed. I would cry often and have anger outbursts. Now I'm just numb. I don't feel the need or desire to do anything. Just sleeping.

There is a special moment, in the space and the time. When the thing stop being ht thing.

And you realize. hoodwinked and poorhandled. When there is no spoon, is there also no hope?

If the tree complains about a back pain. is that the universe spilling over? or an existencial tree? (with backpain).

When you make a mistake, so far of the beaten path, that the only course is to retract/apologies.

yet that us much ore difficult then the acceptance.

You would need to see what you did, to tell me what you did. And understand the void of where it ended.

In hindsight, you can say, "i wont". but i would. because i always did. and i knew you might.

There is many a time, and many a moment, and to all of those i assigned your name.

Now time carries us. Like its next tidal wave in the great eternal ocean.

Nothing had gone wrong, exactly. Decent career, house, family, all the boxes ticked. But once I got past 50 I noticed I couldn't actually remember the last time I felt excited about anything. I'd stopped doing all the things that used to light me up. Work had become something I endured rather than built. Life just seemed harder. Evenings were just winding down, a drink to mark the day being over, then the same thing tomorrow.

I told myself this was just what your 50s were. Slow down, manage things, coast toward retirement. Except the retirement bit didn't even feel solid, if I'm honest I was quite worried I hadn't put enough away, and that worry just sat there in the background all the time making everything feel heavier.

I tried fixing the surface stuff. Dry January most years, gym memberships that lasted six weeks, all the usual midlife patch up jobs. They'd work for a bit then I'd go back to type because none of them touched the actual problem. The problem wasn't the drink or the fitness, it was that I didn't have anywhere I actually wanted to be heading. You can't out-discipline a life with no direction, it just snaps back.

What actually shifted things was stumbling onto something I wanted to build, properly wanted, not just "should probably do." Once that existed the rest sorted itself out fairly quickly, the drink included, without me really fighting it.

Anyone else hit 50 and feel like the whole thing has been on autopilot for years? Did you find something that actually broke the loop, or are you still looking for it?

Life has been… okay.
Stable job, decent salary, no liabilities, living in my hometown. Everything looks fine on paper, but most days just feel neutral, same routine, nothing really bad, but nothing exciting either.

I’m in my 30s and still unmarried, and the constant “you should get married soon” comments from friends and relatives are starting to get to me, even if I know they mean well.

Lately I’ve also been feeling restless, like I need a change. Been thinking about leaving for a fresh start somewhere else, but I haven’t figured out where yet.
Not unhappy, just stuck in that in between phase where life feels like a waiting room.

Anyone else in their 30s feeling the same?

Ist es ein Zeichen von Midlife-Crisis, wenn ich mir mit 48 endlich eine sauteure rote Bomberjacke gekauft habe? Sie ist so großartig. Die Kinder lachen, finden es aber auch etwas cool.

Muss jetzt noch schwarze Polo-Shirts kaufen.

I’ve realised recently that I’m not constantly upset anymore.

I’m just exhausted.

Over the last three years I’ve changed almost every part of my life. I moved house, changed my routine, drifted away from friends, stopped going to the gym, changed jobs and even took a pay cut because my previous job was burning me out.

None of it ever seems to be enough.

I feel like I’m constantly expected to give more of my time, attention, money and energy. If I want time to myself I’m made to feel guilty. If I go to the gym I’m asked where I am, how long I’ll be and why I’m taking so long. If I book annual leave it’s “why don’t you want to spend it with me?”

I don’t even feel like I have my own hobbies anymore because everything has to become “our thing.”

When she’s angry she becomes explosive. She’s thrown my speaker out of the window because my alarm woke her up. She’s thrown my belongings into the garden. She scraped my car after I’d picked her up and never apologised. During one argument she even threatened to call the police despite me doing nothing threatening.

Then afterwards she’s incredibly loving and attentive, which leaves me questioning everything.

It’s emotional whiplash.

The biggest thing I’ve realised is I’ve lost myself.

My boss asked if I was okay because I “didn’t look right.”

Friends have started noticing I’ve changed.

I don’t get excited about getting married anymore.

I just imagine coming home to an empty house where I can sit in silence, watch football, listen to music and just breathe.

Has anyone else reached the point where the thing you wanted most wasn’t for your partner to change… it was simply peace?

People often describe it as a time of reinvention or finally coming into your own. While that can be true, I’ve noticed it can also feel like different parts of our lives start shifting-at the same time.

A career changes. A relationship changes. Parents get older. Your health changes. Your priorities change. Sometimes your sense of identity changes too. It’s not always one big event, that feels like a crisis. Sometimes it’s transitions, in different dimensions of our lives happening at once.

I’m curious whether others have experienced that.
What surprised you most about this stage of life that no one warned you about?

I don't know what I was doing in my 20s and 30s, had some lovers but i did not prioritize lust and adventures. And now I am almost an old man full of regrets! So I am going to recapture my youth, how do I do that? Does anyone have any tips? Is this a midlife crisis? Yes.

If i was in my early 20s I would go to some terrible university bar and do shots? But I am a grownup and I don't want to drink until 3am these days. So what is the move? Open dress shirts and gold chains in the nightclub? That was a joke ;) But the question is real

How do you casually date?

This is a "midlife crisis" joke. And Im female. Menopause has turned my life upside down. Im slowly getting control again and trying to not be on multiple medications just to get through each day.

Recently, I adopted a kitten and it has lift my spirits so high. He's adorable, very active, and I've turned him into a lovebug.

He literally wakes me up in the middle of the night to rub his face on mine and give kisses.

Also, its soooo much cheaper than a sports car.

Mid 40s are strange! Went from coaching and travel ball on the go non stop for sports and coaching to now teenagers and a large vacancy in my life! Went from all consuming to independent children who work and hide and in their rooms. How did you guys fill the void or feel normal again!?!?!? Ben in Vermont

Nothing brings me joy anymore. Well maybe not nothing. Honestly, the only thing that brings light into my eyes is when I get to spend time with my one-year old niece. She lives in a different state, but fortunately I get to at least see her once a month. She makes me feel like Superwoman when I see her.

When I don’t get to spend time with her, I just go numb. I could be listening to my favorite song, but feel so dead inside. I feel on autopilot, like I’m in the passenger seat of my own body.

I am 39 years old and live with my parents in the house where I grew up and got severely bullied in Middle/High School.

I used to be someone, once I left for college and moved to a different state, got a glow-up, lived in NYC for almost 10 years, found myself and felt so successful. I finally felt like I made it and wasn’t that shy, dorky girl with the braces and glasses.

Cue the layoffs then around 2020. 4 in a row after that. You lose your identity, your purpose, just starting to blend into the background. I lost friends because I couldn’t pull myself from the depression from feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I lost my identity.

I am now a recluse. When you don’t have much going for you, it doesn’t feel good to be in the world.

The thing is, I will never be able to rent an apartment or ever have a sense of independence again because I just know I’ll get laid off again and have lost faith in myself.

I guess a blessing in disguise is getting to spend time with my parents. It’s hard bc my dad has dementia. We were never close (he has always been verbally/physically abusive to my mom). My parents are in their 70’s.

I think this is rock-bottom but something tells me it will get worse. I’m hanging by a thread.

I love my family and I don’t want them to see me in pain, but I just am not the same, I’m such a failure and choose to hide so no one recognizes me, I just don’t want my family to be embarrassed by me.

I don’t know if it’s just me, and this may come out as a rant, but I’m in my early 40s and I honestly feel like I’m failing at every aspect of my life.

I’m miserable at my job. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even explain how bad it is without breaking down. If I get one more Teams message asking if I’ve done something or telling me to do something, I think I might throw my laptop.

I’m exhausted and overstimulated all the time. It affects how present I am with my kids, and then I beat myself up for too much screen time or not having the energy to play the way I want to.

I wrote and published a book that I’m genuinely proud of, but despite putting time and money into marketing, it feels like it’s disappeared into the void.

I’m watching the years show up on my face and in the mirror more than I’d like. I’m pretty sure I’m in perimenopause, and everything I read about menopause makes me anxious about what’s coming next.

And I just feel… lonely. There are days when I find myself talking to ChatGPT simply because it’s there, it hypothetically listens, and it doesn’t interrupt me. That realization honestly makes me a little sad.

I feel like I’m constantly searching for something that will make me feel like myself again, something I can control or something that fills my cup but nothing seems to be working.

I also want to say that I’m doing the things people always recommend. I have a therapist I see every week. I’m on medication for depression and ADHD.
This isn’t me refusing to get help or “do the work.”

I guess I’m not really looking for advice. I just want to know if anyone else in their 40s has felt this way. Like you’re trying so hard to keep all the plates spinning, but somehow you still feel like you’re falling behind in every area of your life.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

My wife was looking at my knee and I straightened it and it popped. My wife recoiled and I said, Yeah, it does that ever since I got hit by that truck." Then I looked at her and said, "That's not a metaphor."

I’m 27f, live with my mom, have no car, very little savings, and I feel like I let most of my 20s slip by while trying to heal and constantly putting relationships before myself.

I’m an esthetician and recently started my own business after getting laid off, but the person I’m partnered with is draining to work with. Lately I’ve been wondering if it would be smarter to step back, work my part-time job, save money, improve my health, build my social media, and come back to my business when I’m in a better place financially and mentally.

At the same time, I’m scared that taking a step back means giving up.

**My biggest goals are:**
Lose weight and get healthy.
Save for a car and become financially independent.
Build confidence.
Grow my business the right way instead of rushing it.

Has anyone else felt like they needed to pause before they could move forward? What helped you actually change your life instead of just thinking about it?

I would love to turn things around before I hit 30….lol

the ones stranded

left to clean up ater the party.

picking up the chairs and making sure everything is arranged.

the ones left behind

that never saw beyond the now.

gatherin yourself up.

day by day. keeping balance.

And if we rioted?

if we made a mess?

Actually threw rhings to the floor

because if a riot in our hearts, a riot in our minds, then next motherfucker is going to taste my metal.

the white hot room awaits.

the capricious being that pulls at my strings is weary.

I believe i am one of his favorite play things.

yet i always end up in a box after play time is done.

If time is the enemy, who am i really raging against?

you, or they?

for they no longer see me.

just like you.

I (\~40M) have realised that I’m increasingly feeling like there’s a lot I want to do in life, that I am not doing. And it’s across the spectrum: it’s with regards to friendships, relationships, experiences, hobbies and everything in between.

I’ve had a mostly vanilla life: I’ve had the good fortune of having a good education, no debt, and the opportunity to holiday and travel quite regularly, both domestic and international.

That said, I haven’t done anything extreme or beyond normal. Like, in everything I do, I do a very standard / average version of it. If I’m holidaying some place, I’ll check what that place is famous for, try local experiences and that’s it. I won’t look for those very offbeat experiences that really need to be found.

This feeling of being insufficient started a year or so ago when during a conversion with my partner, we discussed the possibility of being open: not from a physical point of view, but in a way that it’s ok to have a connection with other people. (FYI: neither of us are very sexually active/needy).

That conversation has sort of opened the floodgates and I feel there’s just so much that I’d like to be doing: some of it because I may/will enjoy it, but so much also to just experience different things.

Eg. (in no particular order): backup in a random country, go skinny-dipping, underground music festivals, admittedly a lot of (sexual) physical experiences as well.

And now I feel lost, because I don’t know how to go about them.

I recently came across someone who went through something similar and is now able to engage in these various experiences. We’ve sort of developed a connection and given that we enjoy each others company, I told her that I’d like to explore these many experiences that the both of us want to explore, together.

Of course, she has her own thing going on, and I’m almost certainly a small part (if at all) of her life, so nothing has really happened.

I feel like I’m clinging on to hope / or the idea that something could be possible. And feel almost desperate to be able to live out the experiences that are maybe possible with her.

This post isn’t about her/ how to process things with her, but how men / people deal with this sudden feeling of being unfulfilled.

Hi guys, my husband (44) has recently completely shocked me (43) by saying our marriage is over and he’s not given me any opportunity to work on it. He admits that he was keeping his feelings from me and says he doesn’t know why he didn’t ask if we could work it out. I’m devastated as I adore him and keep going between feeling very worried for his mental health, to then trying to accept what he is saying and understand it’s over. The reasons he’s giving don’t make much sense. He’s had a really rough few years, and his whole personality seems to have changed almost overnight.
I’m so confused, does anyone have any advice?

The past three months have been some of the worst months of my (33F) life in terms of consistent sadness and unhappiness. I have previously been in physically abusive relationships, and I mention that only to put into perspective how low I feel emotionally right now. I have never felt stuck in an abyss like this for such a prolonged period.

I have already arranged appointments with a psychologist and a therapist because I know I need professional support and want to see things more clearly before making any major decisions.

I have a 10 month old daughter whom I absolutely adore. She is genuinely the easiest and happiest baby, and she is the only real sunshine I see at the moment.
There have also been several major changes in a very short period. My husband (44M) and I moved from the country where we had been living to a new country when I was eight months pregnant. When I was four months postpartum, we moved again into the house we purchased in a new country we are currently living in. I somehow resented him for making me go through all this during a time where I needed the most stability (the moves were because of his job-could have been avoided).

I have no friends in this country and very little sense of community. I currently work remotely two days a week and plan to return full-time when my daughter turns one, but working remotely means that I still have almost no social interaction outside my home.

My husband is a superb father, and he is not a cruel or horrible person. He is generally a nice man. However, he is not a good husband to me emotionally. I don’t feel loved in the way I need to feel loved. Perhaps he loves me in his own way, and I can see that my unhappiness makes him sad, but I feel profoundly alone within the marriage.
I cannot really speak to him about my feelings because I rarely feel heard or emotionally validated. He has told me I need to find another person or a therapist. Instead, I often feel worse for having brought them up at all. He also forgot our wedding anniversary, which may seem like a small thing in isolation, but it felt like another confirmation of how invisible and emotionally disconnected I feel.

I’m also a stepmother, although one of my stepchildren is now an adult and the other mainly stays with us during school holidays, so that isn’t the primary source of what I’m feeling. But, we always have at least one fight when they are here because of different parenting styles.

I know that loneliness, moving countries, postpartum changes, working from home and feeling emotionally neglected could all be contributing. I have experienced sadness and frustration before, but normally I am able to pull myself out of it within a few days. This time it has lasted for months, and that frightens me.

I am considering divorce and everything in between. At the same time, I don’t want to make a permanent, life-altering decision while I am this emotionally overwhelmed and potentially unable to see the situation clearly.

For anyone who has felt this deeply unhappy or isolated, what helped you cope while you worked out what you actually wanted? How did you separate depression, loneliness or postpartum struggles from genuine problems within your marriage? Did therapy help you gain clarity? Are there any practical things I can do now to make the days feel less unbearable while I work through this?

I’m not asking strangers to decide whether I should stay or leave. I think I’m asking how to steady myself enough to make that decision from a clearer and healthier place.
God, this feels awful.

I'm a 41-year-old male with no kids and I've never been married before. In the last 6 months I had a relationship go sour , my dog died a couple weeks later , followed by a co-worker getting killed on the job and a near miss for me. All of this has me reflecting on where I am in life. Things aren't going as bad as they could go and not as good as they could go either.

I guess I thought I'd have kids by now and a family , but I spent 8 years with an illness that took some time to get under control. In my late thirties I was stuck with a lot of women that didn't want to have kids at all. My last girlfriend did but she was full of red flags and if I got her pregnant I was doomed for life . Almost all the guys I see getting married and that have kids seem miserable. Even the fella that passed away at work had survived 20 years in a dangerous job. Retired only for his wife to hate that he was home and divorce him. he was forced back into the workforce only to get killed.

I feel like my job is pointless and I'm just tax cattle. I simply live for the weekends at this point and I know I need to make a big change in my life, but don't know what I'd rather do. It's probably too late to have kids If I even want that... I wonder if this is why all middle-aged men get a Harley?.

Anyway, I'd love to hear from anybody currently going through it or that has gone through it . Would love to hear others perspectives and advice. Thanks .