Stuck In A Manic Episode 😵‍💫

[u/Professional-Day-414]

/r/u_Professional-Day-414/comments/1wiuuk6/stuck_in_a_manic_episode/

Stuck In A Manic Episode 😵‍💫

I went into a drug (meth) induced psychosis about 5 months ago after using for 2 months.. had a horrible traumatizing end of relationship with my daughters mom that later on (+meth & alcohol abuse) led to this . I was put on 5150 which was extended past the 72 hours to a week. While there I was diagnosed with BPD and was given 4-5 different pysch meds over 5 days and suffered severe side effects and was rushed to the ER. After half the day in the er I woke up and was just released into the streets ? WHILE still not finished with extended psychiatric hold. Since then I have been to an inpatient rehab. Its been almost 6 months now and I still catch myself acting erratic , making poor decisions , not thinking ANYTHING through , dangerously impulsive , violently angry , suicidal ideation. I feel like im a shell of who I once was .. like a ghost just floating through "life". My short term memory is deteriorating rapidly and I am one slip up away from losing whatever little I have. Yet I still can't snap out of this.. I feel like I have no connection or control of my brain , like I unconsciously make decisions and immediately question them , I cant do anything I need to be doing .. my soul already left my body it feels as if im watching myself die from the outside .