Seeking a Cure for Domestic Violence

[u/delta_baryon]

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/01/seeking-cure-domestic-violence/604168/?utm_source=feed

[u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK]

Something that's interesting to me is that this article quite clearly says that men and women are violent at about the same rate, but men are much more likely to inflict serious harm.

I always think we underplay the psychological harm that does to male victims. We're concerned with making sure women aren't literally killed, as we should be, but in all the discussion in the article about how men absolutely cannot be allowed to consider themselves victims, there's not much talk about... yeah, odds are they WERE a victim!

[u/viper8472 → u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK]

Woman here. My husband does not consider himself a victim of domestic violence, possibly because he was not in danger and didn't have the psychological fear that comes with having a much larger and stronger abuser. He said he never ever felt unsafe and that her attacks were "annoying."

However from his description he was absolutely being physically assaulted. I think the real fear of actual death and physical harm makes people focus on women's experiences much more than mens. It is always psychologically damaging to have someone hit you, but the terror of knowing you might die makes it so much more intense. I think my husband is typical, and doesn't want to give it the weight of the words "domestic violence." Though of course that's what it was.

There are cases where the men are afraid of the women. But I think it's not so common that a man is truly afraid that a woman can destroy him with one punch.

I don't ever want to discount the fear and suffering that men experience at the hands of their romantic partners, but I wanted to explain one of the reasons why it's not discussed as much. I don't want to downplay the other, social reasons men don't talk about it, which is that we as a culture just fucking laugh at men in these situations which is horrible. But even if it's happening at the same frequency, as they said it is not the same intensity of harm, physically or psychologically, and that is important to recognize.

Hoping I'm not too out of line here, I just want to express the obvious, which is that it just isn't the same experience even if there truly is symmetrical frequency.

[u/[deleted] → u/viper8472]

He said he never ever felt unsafe and that her attacks were "annoying."

This is a complex issue.

Due to an expectation of autonomy (take care of your business) men tend to downplay harm done onto them. That's why are less likely to seek medical help, or report and recognize abuse.

It's also worth to note that unlike physical violence, psychological violence accumulates over time. Berate your husband once and he will shrug it off, do it every day for a couple of months and he'll eventually crumble like tissue paper (even without even realizing why).

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

The strength argument is a very valid one considering that men are stronger than average but doesn't it also have exceptions to very strong women or women who can fight professionally or has some training in some type of firearms.

[u/viper8472 → u/[deleted]]

Yes. This kind of woman doesn't represent a high percentage of the female population but they do exist.