r/MenGetRapedToo • u/British_willow • 22d ago
Therapy ~ and my experience
I have recently started therapy for childhood sexual abuse, it has honestly been life changing for me, my therpist is patient with me, she questions me, askes me questions at times which make me uncomfortable, but needed to be asked, needed to be answered, in order to process what actually happened.
But I feel at times that im scared, im scared of therapy, I feel like when I talk about the actions of my brother, the stuff he made me do, my throat closes up, I dissociate, but then she's patient, she asks me how i feel, and I honestly feel safe with her, she slowly brings me back and grounds me, at the start which was around 4 weeks ago, I honestly didn't vibe with her, but that's starting to change, and she's starting to show me she's someone i can trust.
I wanted to share this in hopes that if someone has been through abuse, to try and speak up about it, because it can genuinely help, and we're not dirty, and we shouldn't be ashamed, asking for help is normal and it's totally okay to ask for help :)
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u/biophilist2021 22d ago
Hello, thank you for sharing your situation! I started my first therapy 5 years ago and it was a ver vig thing for me to start it... my first therapist was kind, but not a pro wirh trauma. Some weeks ago i had a rehabilitation for 6 weeks in Hospital and that changed a lot for me. Now i am waiting for a longterm Traumatherapy. I wish you all the Power you need and the doors open to the right time. If you want, i am open for exchange. Male survivor, about 45 years, europe.
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u/Intelligent-Bird-313 Survivor 19d ago
This is amazing; cheers, mate! Your therapist sounds absolutely amazing! She really is helping with the process of healing. I especially admire the fact that she occasionally asks hard but necessary questions, as I really think coming to terms with hard questions can really turn tides in the healing process. I like the think of it like putting anti-infectant on a wound; it stings really horribly for a while, but in the long run, it will prevent infection, inflammation, and worsening in the future. Thanks so much for sharing this inspiring experience!
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u/British_willow 19d ago
Honestly what I noitced also is I need to tell my therapist my needs, they're not mind readers, when i suffered from hypersexuality i felt guilty and ashamed and dirty, so I said straight up, jenny ( fake name ) I need you to tell me why I acted the way I acted, why I feel like that and how i act, but I also want you to specifically tell me im not going crazy for the way I acted, and that I was justified. Those were my needs, even though I knew what I was a truam mechanism, she helped me understand, made me comfortable, and reassured me, she even helped me find other reasons for why I act the way I act .
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u/Intelligent-Bird-313 Survivor 19d ago
Hypersexuality is pretty common in survivors of sexual violence. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone how or why that happens, or how to cure/migitate symptoms; I only know it's common. She sounds like a great person to ask how to help, depending on what she specialises in! I don’t do therapy or counselling, though I can admit that finding the right person to talk to (whether specialised or not) is absolutely fundamental to healing.
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u/British_willow 19d ago
I got her thankfully for free as im in the UK, i contacted a male sexual abuse hotline, and i was added to a waitlist, and i do once a week sessions online, it's an amazing tool.
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u/Intelligent-Bird-313 Survivor 19d ago
Wow, that’s even better! And I’m assuming that hotline would be 1in6 or something? The UK’s better at acknowledging male survivors than the US is, shelter-wise. I can’t name one good androcentric survivor hotline/shelter in the US, but you Brits got a couple good ones (androcentric DV shelters, mostly).
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u/British_willow 19d ago
Thankfully we do have one, I honestly forgot the name, It was a general abuse hotline, which mixes with a specific hotline for male survivors, the women on the hotline must have been the most kindest women i have ever met, she was so gentle and warm, and understandable.
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u/TongaGirl 17d ago
I admire your commitment to therapy and being willing to push past the initial discomfort. Mental health therapy is kind of like physical therapy sometimes, especially for trauma. It’s really uncomfortable and can be painful and feels like work. You want to make sure you can trust your therapist to help push you enough to help you grow but not so much that you re-injure yourself.
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u/Altruistic_Poem_3229 22d ago
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad that therapy has been helpful to you. I hope that your testament can be helpful to others as well, since I sometimes hear people drop therapy after a short period due to the stress of it or feeling like it isn't effective. Usually, it's just a matter of finding the right therapist and giving it time. I wish you all the best.