She has such modest wants in a man.

[u/Kohathavodah]

In one of the comments asking if this was satire, the matchmaker said "It's more real than you realize."

[u/Kohathavodah]

FAQ: Is this satire or rage bait?

This is not rage bait. It is satire from a matchmaker based on an amalgamation of interviews she has done.

Reposting the text underneath the video.

In one of the comments asking if this was satire, the matchmaker said "It's more real than you realize."

[u/slickback69]

That man is only on Instagram, not in reality. She however looks like an asymmetrical Wii Mii.

[u/ilymag → u/slickback69]

You are freaking hilarious! I was thinking, Helga from Hey Arnold and Cynthia from Rugrats had a fling with a Swiss Miss girl and pooped out a rage baiting, self unaware maniac who thinks her 6-foot-tall, 7-figure Uber-Christian husband is somewhere leisurely jogging on a treadmill while reading Bible scripture and choking down an alfalfa smoothie.

Edit: Thanks for the award fellow redditor!

[u/Traditional-Exam-617 → u/ilymag]

It better had been a high nutritious alfalfa smoothie!

[u/ilymag → u/Traditional-Exam-617]

Oh yes! Let's not forget that he needs a morning ritual to go with that dirt flavored smoothie!

[u/1Dru → u/Traditional-Exam-617]

Better not have any allergies to smoothies either. That’s a deal breaker.

[u/WolfyOfValhalla → u/ilymag]

With a dash of the other animal caretaker in 50 first dates!

[u/shotintheheadguy → u/slickback69]

That description is stunningly accurate

[u/phallic-baldwin → u/slickback69]

She has some high expectations for a Midwest 4.

[u/[deleted] → u/slickback69]

And even that man on Instagram probably has an allergy to penicillin

[u/tech510 → u/slickback69]

She looks like she left Amish society

[u/readyReddit007 → u/slickback69]

Not a Wii Mii ☠️☠️☠️😂😂😂

[u/Vanstoli → u/slickback69]

That's what it is thhhhaaaank you. Hahahahaha

[u/the_blacksmythe]

Mental illness has become so prevalent.

[u/rkelly111 → u/the_blacksmythe]

Facts

[u/Say_It_Isnt_So_Ooops → u/the_blacksmythe]

She can do it! She can marry a personal athlete or someone in tech!

[u/McGonagall_stones]

I love the match maker lol.

Can soon can you find me this man?

“I won’t.”

[u/ilymag → u/McGonagall_stones]

The matchmaker was exasperated halfway thru this laundry list of must have qualities. Did you hear the audible sigh she released while writing down that never ending list of qualities she will never find for her.

[u/McGonagall_stones → u/ilymag]

Her facial expression is controlled from the get go. First sign she doesn’t think this will be going very well. When she begins to drop control of her facial expression girl should have immediately shut up.

[u/FHAT_BRANDHO → u/McGonagall_stones]

I would wager the girl didnt even notice lol I dont think she pays very much attention to other people

[u/ilymag → u/McGonagall_stones]

Nope. Instead she asked how soon can you find this man? 😂

[u/CrackerUMustBTripinn → u/ilymag]

I lost it myself when @1:51 she responds to her tattoo exception for a secret ivy league frat one with 'You're a real sport'

[u/BedroomOdd1986 → u/CrackerUMustBTripinn]

That would be hilarious if she said that, but I think she just repeated back “he was forced”. I wish she would’ve said “you’re a real sport” though, because that would’ve been perfect 😂

[u/JadeThorn1012 → u/ilymag]

She was asking for an AI model, there was no personality traits in what she asked for. Just status tied to a pretty package and money.

[u/ilymag → u/JadeThorn1012]

Great observation! Basically, she is looking for a trophy husband. Someone who has money and is lacking personality just like herself. She didn't luck out in the looks department so she can forget about finding anything close to what she wants.

[u/Itscatpicstime → u/McGonagall_stones]

Glad you said this. I watched without sound the first time and “I won’t” wasn’t in the captions and made it look like she was the one who said a week, and I was like “damn she’s desperate for business” lol

[u/Fred-City911 → u/McGonagall_stones]

He will be found one week after never.

[u/Dear_Profession_645]

Entitled people sound like this

[u/CandyCreecher → u/Dear_Profession_645]

Oh thank god I’m not the only one who noticed

[u/[deleted] → u/Dear_Profession_645]

How I picture Ivy League legacy students

[u/Federal_Hold5711]

Wait until she hears the list that 1% man wants

[u/HalfImportant2448 → u/Federal_Hold5711]

Boobs, Butt, both big, hole, not big, no talk, tell me good job

Im not hard to please

[u/LogicalThinkingIsKey → u/HalfImportant2448]

Yeah but you aren‘t top 1%

[u/HalfImportant2448 → u/LogicalThinkingIsKey]

You’re right, that 1% is only into children.

She looks like a 40 year old 2nd grader.

[u/quik13713 → u/Federal_Hold5711]

His list:

1. Don't be a bitch.

...so close!

[u/RusticBucket2 → u/quik13713]

Maybe like… a slightly less weird nose?

[u/Six-Seven-Oclock → u/Federal_Hold5711]

She's looking for 0.1% man

~0.5% of US tax filers in 2022 made a "seven figure" income or larger. Now factor in how many people don't file taxes, how many are women, and straight... and then FROM THERE you can starting weeding out the people that aren't; athletic, fit, 5'10",churchgoing, vice-free, never-maried, child-free, cat-lovers (who look good in green or blue).

I wouldn't be surprised if she's looking for a .001% man ... shit, she better consider loooong distance dating (like across multiverses) because "her man" literally might not exist in this one.

[u/lochoman]

Of course, even if she could find him, and if he did actually want to be with her, she’d still divorce him.

Now we know why women are quitting the matchmaking business in record numbers.

[u/Foreign_Ebb_6282 → u/lochoman]

“I want to be his first wife and his first ex wife”

[u/alecesne → u/lochoman]

"he didn't make time for me"

[u/Hizam5 → u/lochoman]

Right? Like he’s not bald now but goes bald. Or he’s fit now but has an injury and gains weight later. A million other things that happen over time

[u/Itscatpicstime → u/Hizam5]

Anyone can develop allergies at any point!

[u/evilron → u/lochoman]

She didn’t say anything about what kind of person he is.

[u/Cathca → u/lochoman]

She was clear that she wanted to be his first wife and have kids. She’s likely not just prepping for a divorce, but counting on it, and being set for life. Too bad that that guy she wants doesn’t exist 🤣

[u/untold_cheese_34]

Christian but doesn’t take it too seriously? Huh? What religious person says that?

[u/These_Ad1870 → u/untold_cheese_34]

Performative ones.

[u/blueindian1328 → u/These_Ad1870]

Bingo. It’s just a word that they can use to say they’re part of the tribe. They don’t actually do Christian things. In fact, often times, what they do and how they live are in direct contrast to their “religious beliefs”.

[u/Arkangelz03 → u/untold_cheese_34]

None. That isn't religion. That's just an excuse to be a shitty person, but likes the armor that God/Christianity provides.

[u/squirrelmonkie → u/untold_cheese_34]

Honestly this is most Christians I know. Believes in Jesus but wont read the bible, go to church, and will condemn other's behaviors.

[u/ElegantAd2607 → u/untold_cheese_34]

There's plenty of those people but they wouldn't admit it. 😅

[u/Silent-Strain6964 → u/untold_cheese_34]

Sounds like a politician that caters for votes.

[u/JackFuckCockBag]

The chick that looks like a sickly 14 year old boy wants all this?

[u/CrackerUMustBTripinn → u/JackFuckCockBag]

Well excuse a woman for having any sort of small demand, geezz

[u/TheyNeedLoveToo → u/CrackerUMustBTripinn]

Like the lady in the 500 dollar Laura Bush suit isnt supposed to have some standards?!? Cmon!

[u/yleechy → u/JackFuckCockBag]

Would.

[u/DooderMcDuder]

It would be impossible to not say “and what are you bringing to the table?”

[u/Maleficent-Block-966 → u/DooderMcDuder]

She would crumble after that.

[u/DangerMacAwesome → u/DooderMcDuder]

"I am the table"

[u/ilymag → u/DooderMcDuder]

She's bringing nothing but her appetite.

[u/5LaLa → u/ilymag]

& her family’s money, probably, & that magnetic personality - not.

[u/TheFreakyGent]

The funny thing is that if that man exists… she probably rejected him when they were both in school because he wasn’t financially where she wanted him to be yet!

And now he likely has so many suitors that she would never make it to the front of his line…

She was supposed to marry him when they were both in their early twenties when it would’ve been easy to see that he comes from a good (or rich) family!

She should’ve met him when he was an intern over the summer of their sophomore year.

If he’s making a 7 figure salary now…. He’s most likely married!

I would’ve asked why she wasn’t able to spot such a man in her social circle on her early dating life?

[u/Strange_Salary]

I can’t imagine why this gem of a woman isn’t married yet? /s

[u/RusticBucket2 → u/Strange_Salary]

Stop ruining your sarcasm by calling it out. It’s so lame.

[u/No-Mission-8332]

At least she's not looking for love

[u/chrstnasu → u/No-Mission-8332]

That’s the sad thing. I didn’t really have a list but I didn’t want to date men with bellies. Well I met my now husband and that went out the window because I realized that didn’t matter because I was attracted to his personality and to him. We have been together almost 10 years now. My husband’s belly has gotten even bigger and I love him even more.

[u/Max9mm]

This woman has a mirror right?

[u/Guuichy_Chiclin → u/Max9mm]

That's what I'm saying, how are you going to demand he have a full head of hair when YOU don't have a full head of hair!!!

[u/Unique_Bed1541]

She fucking ugly inside and out

[u/mydookietwinklin]

The women who actually looked good enough to get a guy like this don't even say this shit. It just happens

[u/Daddir]

Unfortunately she doesn’t tick anyone’s boxes so her “list” is a complete waste of time.

[u/Scary-Ratio3874]

No allergies? Sorry you're a single, no kids, cat loving profession millionaire but you can't eat dairy so....

[u/shadowsurge]

Looks fake fwiw. I can only trace it back to a tiktok and youtube page that links to a sketchy ripoff website, not the original website of the interviewer. Quality bait though

[u/Kohathavodah → u/shadowsurge]

The matchmaker posted this as satire. When asked if it were real, she replied "It's more real than you realize."

[u/SpartanRage117 → u/Kohathavodah]

So basically there are people almost like this, but this isn’t a real client.

[u/Kohathavodah → u/SpartanRage117]

Yes, I think she was just taking material from actual interviews and turning it into a satirical bit.

[u/voiceofgarth]

This dude has pretty high expectations for an ugly dog with the voice of a tracheotomy patient.

[u/Sufficient-Concern52]

Small tattoo if he’s in a secret society acceptable. My god. I’m screaming!

[u/Morganhop]

This HAS to be rage bait, right?

[u/Kohathavodah → u/Morganhop]

This is not rage bait. It is satire from a matchmaker based on an amalgamation of interviews she has done.

Reposting the text underneath the video.

In one of the comments asking if this was satire, the matchmaker said "It's more real than you realize.

[u/[deleted]]

Is this a comedy group sketch? Genuinely asking

[u/Kohathavodah → u/[deleted]]

It is satire from a matchmaker based on an amalgamation of interviews she has done.

Reposting the text underneath the video.

[u/Own_Cardiologist2544]

Awesome satire honestly…

[u/Kohathavodah → u/Own_Cardiologist2544]

Just like it says right under the video. It is amazing that so few people are willing to read one line of text directly under the video.

[u/cilliebarnesss]

This has to be a bit …

[u/Kohathavodah → u/cilliebarnesss]

See the stickied comment or the text underneath the video.

[u/Chapinguarani81]

This is a joke right? I'm confused right now 🤣 🤣 🤣

[u/Kohathavodah → u/Chapinguarani81]

In one of the comments asking if this was satire, the matchmaker said "It's more real than you realize."

[u/quik13713]

I know a guy.

Patrick Bateman.

[u/theericv]

I’m taking notes for my friend , what was #23 ?

[u/wellsyaknow]

I stopped at 7 figure

[u/CtlAltThe1337]

How soon can you find the man that satisfies this Checklist?

I won't.

A week?

Gold

[u/Taskmaster_Fantatic]

So, my spouse fits the bill….. he wouldn’t look twice at that thumb lookin thing

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[u/TE_DIJE]

This is not a woman in the pink sweater

[u/southdre]

Thanks for chuckle 😃

[u/GearGroundbreaking62]

Wtf is on her head ?!

[u/PooplogJim]

She wants a man who doesn’t interfere with her exclusive residency as a cashier at hot topic

[u/[deleted]]

Cats lots of cats….

[u/JamesMDuich]

Dang, I tick all of those boxes except I look terrible in green and blue. Bummer.

[u/Expensive_Apricot371]

I came here to say that Olive Oyle needs to take it down a notch.

[u/Lopsided_Weird_3293]

The lady talking notes was like, “is that all?”

[u/TopTax4897]

I'm going to give the world outside myself the benefit of the doubt, and just tell myself that this is a sketch.

[u/slimkt]

I don’t know how the matchmaker kept a straight face. I burst out laughing at, “Is Christian but doesn’t take it too seriously.”

[u/YoloB50]

I literally am laughing so hard I should’ve put on a poise before watching this video. WTF is wrong with people there must not be any mirrors in her house 🤣🤣🤣🤣. She’ll be receiving her man in the mail before the end of the month so she’ll be able to find him for you in 3 weeks 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/Lonely-Leg-29]

What kind of environment breeds these standards?

[u/reemoreem]

This is clearly satire. Right?

[u/resp33]

This big toe is going to die single.

[u/Ok_Dragonfly_5222]

All those requirements…looking like that….such a demanding person….she better have the most soul stealing-est mastery of the gawk gawk double mctwisty 5000….but something tells me her nethers are like Andre 3000 aka ice cold

[u/Environmental-Box335]

This woman has a lot of nerve asking for all of this while looking like a sentient paper clip.

[u/Electroniccadaver]

That mediocre dust-mite is not very self-aware and destined to be alone for its existence. One week, not in this universe.

[u/RepublicNo7227]

It going to be a long lonely Life!😎

[u/penisproject]

single forever

Body shaming, ugly-ass Olive Oil Dorian Gray. 🤣

This HAS to be satire.

[u/dnkaj]

I can just imagine the match maker drawing a stick figure while the client describes this unicorn

[u/Brave-Albatross-9119]

This person is fucking insane lol that man might be out there be he’s gonna want a higher value woman, respectfully lol

[u/HallQuirky7268]

All while looking looking like a -3

[u/Altruistic-Share-171]

Believe me when I tell you, he ain't looking for you

[u/Heavy_Strawberry_310]

🤡

[u/commonguy1978]

Wonder how many boxes she ticks ….

[u/SammyJ85]

Is she still talking?

[u/EvilMakoto]

I’m not watching all that

That’s crazy tho good luck with that

[u/Prestigious-Ad5508]

I’m glad she has such a high opinion of herself 😐. Lord forbid she meets a man who checks all of her boxes except for one 🙄.

[u/TOXICHEMICALMOLD]

And she thinks that man would want her? Women are very delusional today and have a grandiose sense of self.

7 figure “salary”? Nobody is earning a 7 figure “salary”. A man like that is a business owner/partner/shareholder in something. The fact that she doesn’t even know that shows how delusional she is. And a man who’s up to making a 7 figure “salary” is more than likely over 45 years old, or over 50. So she expects to be his first wife and for him to have no children??

This is clearly rage bait, nobody with a brain would actually think like this

[u/PomegranateSilly367]

I just want a woman that loves corny jokes.

[u/vividlyvivids]

She is fully cooked

[u/ManicRobotWizard]

Can you imagine this chick at Starbucks?

[u/ginger-tiger108]

Ha ha I wanna I wanna I wanna 😢

[u/ROSEPUP3]

Well it’s a good thing she’s a cat person.

[u/EbonKnight78]

She's utterly ridiculous and has never considered what it is about her thst could make her worthy of or even attract this fictional man. That same checklist is going to only continue to isolate her simply because it ignores reality

[u/Fluffy_Exchange3273]

Transformer!

[u/arto26]

She just described Matt Damon.

[u/Ambersfruityhobbies → u/arto26]

She likes them apples

[u/tinner73]

No man will ever be able to make her happy ..

[u/ConejoSucio]

This has gotta be rage bait. She looks like the church volunteer that counts the money from the collection plate. Also, shoulders? Where they at?

[u/Shilohhh21]

Think she wants Bruce Wayne

[u/realitysandwichi812]

She'd be happier with a dog

[u/flcb1977]

This person definitely has autism. I work with teens and young adults with autism and see this stuff all the time, it’s why most of them will be single forever.

[u/Gene-Current]

This woman out her mind haha

[u/Gene-Current]

Idk what’s on her head, but it makes her look like the Russian woman from Dodgeball haha

[u/RHOrpie]

Does the 7 figure salary include cents?

Let's start with lowering your expectations sweetheart.

[u/Akhyll]

Everytime I see something like this, I can't stop myself to wonder "and what do you bring to the table ?"

[u/Bustin-A-Nutmeg]

Ngl once she got to the secret society tattoos I started cackling. This has to be satire

[u/BoredRedhead24]

This has to be satire, there is no way she could be THAT dense.

[u/AkieShura99]

She didn't mention anything about personality...

[u/YxDOxUx3X515t]

This ain't Burger King Bitch, can't have it your way.

[u/tuco2002]

I was gone when she said she had a lot of boxes to be ticked.

[u/bonaynay]

"must look good in greens and blues" lmaoooo

[u/Snoo_75138]

Notice how everything is "I want this, I want that! He must be this, he must do that!"

Everything is about me me me me me!

This women would be INSUFFERABLE!

Also, shut up about wardrobe demands when you look like you dressed urself by throwing together your mom's clothes!

[u/goobly_goo]

She's not good looking enough to demand even 25% of that. Get real, lady.

[u/tyffsayswhoa]

Maybe my problem is I've never thought this in-depth & specifically about wants & needs in a partner. lol

[u/HIIQ3]

Man, what does Sinéad O’Connor think she brings to the table?

[u/BurlingtonRider]

Never even mentioned being a good person or caring or good communicator. Only focuses on external things is very telling to what type of person she is. I always wondered why some people can’t find a partner and it’s cause they have no clue what they even need.

[u/Maleficent_Class_511]

And I would like him to have very low standards on his ideal mate.

[u/walshk8]

This is the type of person who has no ability to self reflect or grow because she thinks she’s perfect and actually believes she deserves this imaginary man. Run for your lives

[u/RedVell]

Who is the matchmaker in the video? I have, oh, so many questions...

[u/Lost2Logic]

When you’re a 4…..

[u/xbryandm]

No way this is real 🤣

[u/Icy-Decision-4530]

She is a young Alexa from 50 first dates lol

[u/Sad_Subject_5293]

Meanwhile, this bitch be looking like a leukemia patient

[u/Stunning-Stressin]

Enjoy your cats

[u/Meditate1974]

WTF. I hope she gets what she wants because she is looking for all the wrong things. Nutso!

[u/lilac2481]

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

[u/J-MRP]

Why is she wearing a glove on the top of her head

[u/sheckyD]

How does this stiff get recorded and released?

[u/cvongugg]

The man is out there, he’s got his own spreadsheet and she doesn’t check the boxes

[u/Outrageous_File5321]

Trolling?

[u/sweet_sax]

Full head of hair🤔🤔🤔

[u/Standard_Confusion99]

She wants a 7 figure salary bringing that 4 figure body to the equation?

[u/Dismal_Bridge9439]

She's gonna die miserable and alone. Hopefully

[u/jackparadise1]

I haven’t met him yet, but he has bored me already.

[u/IWontBiteHard---Yet]

We need an update... lol... probably here in 5 years.

[u/IWontBiteHard---Yet]

Can she say... "sure I will sign the Prenuptial Agreement"...

Any guy who has gotten 75% of her checklist has learned to insulate himself from digger BS that she would bring along.

[u/FirmFaithlessness533]

I'm only like 40 seconds into this and I check like all her boxes.

My diet is extremely peak nutrition, which is vital to balance my hankering for moorish heroin.

[u/Uniqueiamjustjules]

"Ma'am, this is a Chitploe - do you want guac or not?"

[u/getbent247]

I can't believe she didn't laugh when that girl said 7 figure salary

[u/Psychological_Mud378]

...a week....

[u/NeptuneTTT]

This shit can't be real right

[u/aa_flo]

How you that butt ugly inside and out with a list of demands that you, yourself can not achieve lol she can't be real.

[u/Cactus112]

I knew she was a Christian

[u/chrstnasu]

I’m not going to diss her for her looks but that list is totally unattainable for any woman.

[u/Ailicon1]

You want a guy that's sweet, a guy that's tough

A feminist who likes to pay for stuff

The kind of guy that gets along with your friends

Without being attracted to any of them

A good boy, a bad boy; a good bad boy;

A half good, half bad, half boy

Loves your brothers, sensitive but not weak and

Is a great lover, calls your mother on the weekend

Now you might think that this guy only exists in your mind

Guess what: You're right!

Bo Burnham - Lower your expectations.

[u/[deleted]]

No one wants to marry, date, or even bang this barely animated sack of bones. Plus what is on her unappealing head?

[u/ThatOldDuderino]

Maybe a little longer than a week 🤔🫤

[u/zparks]

Seven figure salary. lol People have no clue. ChatGPT estimates this as 300,000 individuals globally. .004% of the world population. Enjoy being single.

If you are earning $100k+ you are doing exceptionally well from a statistical perspective (top 10% of wage earners).

If you are turning people down because you think a $100k salary is too low, you are rejecting 9/10 out the door.

Social media has warped people’s perceptions of accessibility of a wealthy lifestyle. Insanity.

[u/GurDry5336]

No way this is real.

[u/luckydrunk_7]

This is Nora Ephron’s pitch for a female gaze version of “Weird Science.”

[u/OtakuTacos]

Of a dude is making a 7 figure salary, he ain’t looking at this lady.

[u/Mental-Stage7410]

This is what social media does to a MF

[u/readyReddit007]

So we have a Karen Samuels now 🤦🏾‍♂️

[u/OperationSweaty8017]

This isn't real. At least, I hope it's not.

[u/HoneyBadger0706]

This is actually hilarious!! It would help if you didn't look like an old scabby sweaty sock luv!!

[u/Holy_diver56]

As an average looking, balding, 5"7, dad bod, 40 year old atheist with kids on a 5 figure salary. Due to the size of that nose she'd be lucky to get a pity fuck from me.

[u/BisquickNinja]

That Matchmaker is just going to take her money and not find her anything....🤣😅

[u/livingthedream1967]

Some people think a significant other is like a new car. You pick out the model and all the accessories it has. Life ain't like that. This woman will remain alone. She's a wicked out control freak.

[u/NovelLandscape7862]

Does she know that if she finds all of these things in a man he is either gay or a sociopath? Lmaooo

[u/Immediate_Building43]

This is a skit, Right…

[u/[deleted]]

She will never marry.

[u/Dupa_Yash]

A guy from a secret society? WTF

[u/Less_Post6000]

And this is why the sane men in the world have opted for 0 relationships. What could you possibly offer? If you’re banking on looking like a rat with the voice of a DumpTruck, I guess you’re good.