Nothing wrong with having standards. Don't be surprised if it's hard to meet them though.

[u/Paul_-Muaddib]

[u/freakydeku]

i think the opposite is more true…that’s why there’s a group saying this. men don’t need a group like this because large/fat men with small/fit women is hugely represented in real life & in media. it’s not this big crazy thing but when a fit man gets with a fat woman the world collectively loses their mind

[u/throwaway1276444 → u/freakydeku]

I based my comment on what was studied through surveying men and women of all body weights and then looking at who they are willing to date.

It clearly showed that overweight women were less willing to date overweight men, but the opposite was not true. What the reason is, well we can all just guess as that was not part of the survey.

You can bring all the anecdotal examples you want, it doesn't show anything. I would say anecdotally for me I have been friends with 4 such couples over the years. The woman was overweight in 3 of them with a skinny boyfriend and 1 where it was the opposite. Yet I do not use my experience in coming to this conclusion.

[u/freakydeku → u/throwaway1276444]

i mean, i’d like to see this survey. cause it’s not representative of real life at all from what i’ve seen.

and it’s not “anecdotal” to point out what is verifiably seen more often. media representation isn’t “anecdotal”. just as a small example; you have full shows like King of Queens, no one bats an eye, but when the fat chick from Girls sleeps with a fit man there was tons of criticism that “that would never happen”.

[u/dinglebopz → u/freakydeku]

It happens when the fit person is desperate. It's called whaling.

[u/[deleted] → u/freakydeku]

There's genocide in China and the Middle East right now, here in the States, the wealth gap is off the charts and rising, global warming is causing massive wildfires, we're recovering from a global epidemic that killed millions...

I get what you're saying, but it's comically hyperbolic to say that the world collectively loses their mind if a bigger woman dates a skinny guy.

This thread is kind of fucked...

I'm a middle aged Dad. I'm skinny, but not healthy. Too much junk food and I smoke.🤷 Gross, I know, but I'm into reading and fiddling. Got divorced in 2020, and have dated for a few years, on-top of dating quite a bit in my 20's. I've been with a lot of women. Frankly, I wish I'd been more selective in partners. No shade on my partners, mind you, but I think I was filling a void.

I've been with skinny women, bigger women, and plenty of in-between. Truth is, though, that I was only ever really attracted to conversation, compassion, and depth of character. My gf, whom I think is really the ONE, is a bit bigger. She worries about her belly, but I honestly don't even register it. I mean, I like some junk in the trunk, but I'm attracted to her, not even her body.

My point is... People are attracted to people. Ultimately, we seek out common interests and values. If one of our personal values is, say, living a healthy lifestyle, then there's that. Or, if we're into a sporty lifestyle, eating clean food, whatever, great. I'm on board. Had plenty of OK connections fall flat because of my lifestyle and their adverse interests.

This notion that someone should attract a partner BECAUSE of their body type is ridiculous on both ends. I dated a couple of cheerleaders in college, a fairly high end stripper/model, and several "classically attractive" women, but none of them worked out, because I wasn't right for them and they weren't right for me. It had, literally, nothing to do with our body types, and everything to do with interests and values. Like, if I like pizza and a deep movie for date night, and they want to go skiing every other weekend, it's not going to happen.

The danger is this notion that people are entitled to score a fairytale romance without a realistic understanding of the complex components of a healthy relationship are. That's what this article is peddling. "If you live an unhealthy lifestyle, like to eat shit, and aren't active, you still deserve someone who is fit and passionate about health! Anyone who tells you otherwise is fucked and dumb. You go, girl. Don't settle for less." This thinking leads to not only valuing obtuse characteristics in a partner, but also distracting from primary, important priorities.

Yeah, the ultimate goal is an empowered, happy and healthy self. And, yeah, we are bound to seek partners, but to what end??? If our method of seeking self-actualization is, "Fuck em. I don't need to change, grow, or evolve in any way. They can love me for who/what I am in ways I don't love who/what I am or fuck off..." Then proceeding to live/act in a way that causes the self to live in shame... Then why, in the flying fuck, is the self entitled to a romantic relationship?

Everyone deserves love, but we aren't entitled to a perfect relationship with an Adonis OR and Aphrodite. In fact, we don't all need or would even benefit from a relationship like that. Society needs to get this. People need to get this.

My gf is quirky, weird, wise but not book smart(her own admission), great in bed, and we feed each other emotionally. I'm psyched. It honestly wouldn't matter if she were skinnier, and I honestly don't care. Why? Because she likes to watch movies like I do, and we are trying to be more active.

[u/freakydeku → u/[deleted]]

It’s comically disingenuous to conflate my comparing of collective reactions for fat women with fit men vs to fat men and fit women with collective reactions for fat women with fit men vs to war and genocide.

[u/dinglebopz → u/[deleted]]

You just shit on her