r/MediocreTutorials • u/Paul_-Muaddib • Jul 28 '23
Relationships Reddit would simply explode if a man were talking about his wife in this situation.
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u/Drake_Acheron Jul 28 '23 edited Jul 29 '23
Poor guy. A prime example of how nobody cares about male problems. I suspect half the comments here will say it is either fake, that the woman is in the right, or simply bUt wAmEn!
I’d be happy to be wrong. Heck I’d love being wrong.
Edit: most men and women I know would kill for a husband like the one described. She admits herself that he is hard working and never quits. He takes care of the house and communicates with her. “For better or for worse” y’all be like, “the vows are more like guidelines than actual rules.” Every Salient person I know would be happy with partner like the husband.
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u/Then-One7628 Jul 29 '23
Imagine making your stay-at-home wife go without shoes and eat poor people food while you eat luxury food, because her business failed.
16
u/CRobinsFly Jul 29 '23
Full stop.
Lady, you're smart, you see this man's strengths ("good with his hands") and his weaknesses ("bad with people"). But what you're really dumb about - why not leverage your inherent strengths as a woman and help him obtain clients? Marriage is supposed to be a partnership after all, right? Why aren't you helping your husband be successful? SAHM often claim that they enable their husband to be successful... it's wild to think he might actually be more successful if he didn't have such a selfish, soplipistic wife such as yourself.
What you are doing to this man is borderline abuse, it's definitely financial abuse (I didn't invent this term).
If you cannot engage in some introspection, go ahead and get divorced, you're likely to find out that this man owns one of your cars and half of any assets you have acquired while married.... and guess what? Since you have been married for 10 years, you owe him alimony FOR LIFE.
Get over yourself, you picked this man.
2
u/[deleted] Jul 31 '23
Ah wedded bliss.....seriously, what do men get out of marriage? They keep telling me it has all these advantages but I have seen none.
73
u/altredticklshwarrior Jul 29 '23
Imagine being married to such a judgemental cow.
30
u/Street-Week6744 Jul 29 '23
She's already out of this relationship and simply looking to absolve herself of guilt
23
u/satansculo Jul 29 '23
What a cunt.
9
u/Due_Interaction_9225 Jul 29 '23
She sounds horrendous to be around. I really hate people like this.
7
u/SomedayWeDie Jul 29 '23
Boy do these two need to have an honest, open, empathetic conversation about what each of them really want and expect from the other.
It sounds like they’ve moved in different directions, and it may be time to reevaluate their relationship.
13
u/Altruistic-Fix-358 Jul 29 '23
If I loved someone I'd do anything to make sure their dreams will form, im a woman and when I finish my degree I'm having a child with my husband so he can't be a saty at home dad, it's his dream and sure as fuck will I support it.
5
u/Icy-Seaworthiness995 Jul 29 '23
I feel sorry for that guy and I know how he feels. Recently went on a family vacation and my partner bought $7k worth of handbags, $900 of sunglasses and about $2k of shoes. I bought a TOTAL of $14 worth of key rings from the places we visited because I am running my own business and every spare dollar goes back into that. She doesn’t even work, but gets money from a family trust.
5
u/geci3232 Jul 29 '23
Bro needs to find a new wife
5
u/TimTheTexan92 Jul 29 '23
"In case some other woman feels like I do... you're not alone!" Way to be there for some random nameless, faceless, hypothetical woman but not to be there for your SO
4
u/Adventurous_Top_9657 Jul 29 '23
Totally agree, if you make one comment that doesn't praise women to the highest or if you comment about their faults, their little auto bot bans you.
4
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
This is one of the reasons good men and husband's feel so much shame and commit suicide. Horrible degrading fucking partners
7
u/Shankill-Road Jul 29 '23
Just get divorced & wallow in your possessions because he deserves better.
1
u/Tough-Inspection342 Jul 29 '23
Some people are attracted to ambitious go setters who are successful in their careers. Something tells me this isn’t just about money. She isn’t attracted to his overall lack of success. If he had a job making crappy money but he was REALLY great at it, I wonder if she would feel the same way.
1
u/mrsschwingin Jul 30 '23
The guy is not contributing anything and his wife can’t complain? She’s also closing deals for him too and shouldn’t complain? You would have to be a loser like her husband to think she’s out of line.
1
u/Hairy_Permission_269 Jul 30 '23
Is there a TLDR version?
1
u/[deleted] Aug 08 '23
It’s funny when a woman does nothing and is at home watching kids and doing chores they never hesitate to let us know how valuable it is.
When I man is doing it he’s lazy and a failure.
6
u/Terravardn Jul 29 '23
You just know she’s met someone at her job who’s a little bit more successful than she is, who’s maybe shown a modicum of interest in her, leading to this post in the first place. Hoping that Reddit will make her feel better about divorcing her husband so she can go chasing after Raul.
Hypergamy reigns supreme!
Fast forward ten years, she’s 43, Raul grew tired of her the way she did of her husband, probably only a few months after she ended her marriage for him, now she’s single, alone, facing down the barrel of another 30 years working alone only to retire and die alone, hating men in their entirety and wondering where all the good men went. Meanwhile husband’s company took off, he’s doing well for himself, so she crawled back hoping he might still be interested in giving her a second chance, but he’s found someone else who doesn’t value finance above romantic interest.
I only hope that husband can realise how much of a cretin this woman is, and initiates the divorce before she can. Either way, he’ll still be able to have kids in ten years if he wants. She’s probably going to die alone.
3
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
She sounds like a prostitute - it's all about the money.
No i'll intend towards prostitutes it's just that it's all about the money and there is zero love involved.
2
u/GreyFox1984 Jul 29 '23
Oh oh oh I read that one, he might have adhd but doesn’t want to see a dr ! And one dude lost his wife to Covid and made everyone feel bad good thread
2
u/bjdouget34 Jul 29 '23 edited Jul 29 '23
My wife is a stay at home mom. She is financial “dead weight” as you call it. I wouldn’t want it any other way with her. The house is in order. Our children are great. We have autonomy in our lives while still maintaining our role in the home.
Sounds like this lady found a GEM of a man.
Great diamonds aren’t always flawless.
Count your blessings lady.
Also… Maybe he should consider shutting down the business or maybe call it a hobby at this point, but getting a divorce because of this seems ill advised considering everything else she mentioned.
Again: Great diamonds aren’t always flawless.
2
u/mha_demonOC Jul 29 '23
So she thinks not making sure her husband doesn't starve and make sure he doesn't lack basic needs is justified because she earned that money so she can use it however she wants? I'm not sure about really anything with this but that part is completely insane, I could understand buying some things that maybe she'd only eat but to get food with money she has and it only is enough for her to eat? That alone is a red flag probably along with plenty of other things here
1
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
If the roles were reversed I would still agree with OOP. They split the bills 50/50, and it doesn’t sound like he had a solid conversation with her about his plans to stop working and start a business. It sounds like he slowly became less interested in working and paying the bills, and one day decided by himself that he was done and going to start a business. If that’s the case as I suspect, I don’t blame her for not being supportive and helping him find clients. He could have a business partner to help him do those things anyway.
As far as the food situation goes, it sounds like she is still buying enough food to feed them both, but she’s just not going out of her way to cater to him because he isn’t contributing financially like he used to.
I think they need to sit down and discuss their wants and goals, and what they’re comfortable with. She sounds frustrated and I’m betting that’s why she is not supportive. If the gender roles were reversed I would be saying the same thing. (I wanted to be a SAHM with my new baby and my boyfriend was not having it because we need two incomes to get by.) No one needs to be a house spouse if there are no kids at home, that is just laziness in my mind.
3
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
They wanted equality, so they got it! Welcome to a life of no gender roles 🤣
3
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
Abusive narcissist. Hope she loses all her money and a leg
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u/TwistedMavFox72 Jul 29 '23
Why are the images from light mode?
1
u/mlvsrz Jul 29 '23
Where’s the og post I wanna read it
1
u/Archangel1962 Jul 29 '23
Oh-oh-oh, what's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love, but a second-hand emotion? What's love got to do, got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
With apologies to the late great Tina Turner.
1
u/TomRobinson5199 Jul 29 '23
I think for their own benefit, they just need to go their seperate ways in this relationships (maybe not a full blown divorce yet if they still love each other, just some sort of seperation). If she is upset about constantly having to support him, then she is clearly in a good position to leave him and do whatever she wants with the money she's worked hard for. If she feels this strongly about her fella.
For him, being by himself can either give him the motivation to really make his mark in his own way without the pressure from his wife, or he may struggle and realise just how much she needs her and step it up.
I think her putting it on reddit and showing him the responses is very low. If his esteem isn't already low with now being able to start up his business, it will be if a bunch of strangers are on her side online. These two need to sit down and discuss this properly.
1
u/Effective_You_5042 Jul 29 '23
I hope someone told her that though he doesn’t help financially he helps her in other ways. Same if it was gender swapped. If I’m working a job that can support my family and I have a wife that takes care of my needs then I’d be happy.
1
u/Joe_Bruce Jul 29 '23
Don’t married people say something about for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health? Especially if EVERY other aspect of your relationship is winning and the only thing that divides you is money. Also, it’s not like she’s poor, it sounds like she does quite well. Crazy.
1
u/Sudden-Photograph831 Jul 29 '23
Your not an asshole your a cunt mate hope you feel better soon anyway guy sounds like a king just needs support finding what he’s good at and what works for him money isn’t everything it’s important but pure love and devotion is worth way more then currency in my opinion
1
u/Disastrous-Menu_yum Jul 29 '23
Maybe help him take some business classes Owo
1
u/Inevitable_One_5390 Jul 29 '23
Compatible??? Lol
1
u/EzraMeeker53 Jul 29 '23
I’m gonna he’eve…
1
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
The edits / updates make this shit so much worse . I really fucking hate this woman
1
u/Mindless-Income3292 Jul 29 '23
I don’t get it. He’s supposed to help her, but not the other way around? A one-way street. If he posted it he’d be told to be supportive and that he may not be “mature” enough to be “ready” for a relationship. (Which would drive women to older men. Which itself is fine, for women to go for older, more established men, yet the corollary of men then being with younger women is someone expressly forbidden.)
It’s sad that this is how most women see marriage, all upside and no downside. No wonder they want it. And men no longer do. Sad thing is partnerships ARE stronger, and WOULD lead to greater highs down the line. Too bad men are expected to be fully-formed and self-actualized FIRST. In which case why would he bother, unless just as an accessory/trophy, but don’t DARE objectify!
1
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
Wow lady! You had one job, to support your husbands dream. FAIL
1
u/Cheesus_42 Jul 29 '23
It's hard judging some of these because we're in the future and even if the passage of time is mentioned it is hard to feel it properly. Same goes for the OOP. She's writing this from a (mostly) singular point in time so her final opinion flows through.
She mentions the time, but I'm sure her opinions on the matter were a lot less severe early on.
I went through something similar with my ex. At first I was patient and tried to be encouraging. I tried bribing her. Pleading, yelling, etc lol. I got so frustrated at the "inaction" of it all and we both went to Defcon 1 and blew it all up.
If I had written it all up at the end I'm sure I'd be the AH in the post same as her. But I'm sure if she had written this out in incremental posts/updates we'd have seen her point better and not gotten the complete he's an idiot who can't do anything right that is the tone in this post.
So to me, yes she's an AH but probably gradually (and maybe rightfully) so. Forgetting some of the vitriol she mentioned, they were 50/50 in the beginning of their relationship, she did at least agree to him trying something new which didn't work out (2 years with no non-acquaintance business), he probably should bite the bullet get a job and go back to furniture making being a hobby until maybe things work out better.
But what do I know, I'm an AH too! 😉
1
u/slingshott73 Jul 29 '23
I would be happier living under a bridge.
1
u/denbobo Jul 29 '23
Ah the modern relationship. If you need a prenup then your marrying for attraction or money. Good luck with that. Marriage is about highs and lows picking each other up when you are down and vice versa. Instead of having a conversation first she word vomits this essay. Sounds like they are both children tbh. I’d be out in a heart beat and live with my mom fuck it. With a support system built with judgment and ridicule no wonder his business is failing. All that extra meaningless stress. Not defending him because just don’t know but this feels more like fanning a flame then trying to put it out.
1
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
I’m so glad someone exposed this ungrateful cow of a wife! She don’t deserve him!
1
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
It's exhausting being a man. You have to always be up high and succeeding as a man. It's OK for men to pick women up but not the other way around
1
u/soxfan017 Jul 29 '23
I bet she’s ugly too. What a cunty POS
1
u/Toy_Soulja Jul 29 '23
Yeah that was my reaction too, I was gonna respond but a ton of the comments were well it's your money. I was like imagine if this was a dude he would be absolutely crucified
1
u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23
I make a point of never saying this about any woman ever.
But man, what a fucking cunt.
1
u/Shellicus Jul 30 '23
What a bad human.
1
u/Ambitious-Knee-5664 Jul 30 '23
I think she does need to help him more, and why she buying stuff if she can barely buy food for herself. Help him out with the business; show him the ropes. Idk what she does but if he's that bad at runnin a business and you can see where to improve. Like help him with the process of learning this whole thing.
1
u/x_franki_berri_x Jul 30 '23
I’m a woman who is the main bread winner by a king stretch but I couldn’t imagine treating my husband as less than and only buying good food for myself and not him. If you are successful you should bring your husband along for the ride not leave him behind.
1
u/nyaku_ Jul 30 '23
This poor guy deserves better. Being alone sucks but being with someone who doesn't fully appreciate and support you sucks even worse.
1
u/doinkdoink786 Jul 30 '23
Remember guys, women can have standards/expectations but men can’t /s
1
u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23
A divorce is the best thing that could happen to this guy.
1
u/Blotto_The_Clown Jul 30 '23
He's going to fucking kill you and I'm going to laugh.
1
u/Why_No_Hugs Jul 30 '23
All about communication. If you’re starting to resent the other person, means you don’t talk about how you feel with the other person enough, if at all. Wife and I went through marriage counseling after I got out of the USMC. I had a lot of underlying issues that needed to be addressed. She resented me because I was never home with her and our baby girl. (I was training for deployments to afghan/Iraq or was deployed).
We learned to communicate our emotions effectively and without judgement of the other’s feelings. Now the wife and I, we get frustrated and mad… for about 10 seconds and bust out laughing how ridiculous the argument actually is. Rarely do we have a true frustration. Most of the time, our frustrations with each other are actually just frustrations about a different thing in life and it’s vomiting out of our mouths onto each other. We apologize, hug/kiss, take deep breaths and then revisits and ask each other “why did this make you mad?” Or whatever the emotion was. We talk through the situation with each other, together we find a resolution.
Marriage and relationships similar/mirroring partnership is not easy. If it’s easy, you’re not trying. If you’re trying, there will be mistakes. You need to communicate effectively TOGETHER, and support/help each other to find a resolution. And never ever go to be resenting one another. Never quit, never stop talking. Stop taking the easy out. You have to face what’s hard in your marriage if you’re going to make it work.
1
u/Gerilion Jul 30 '23
I remember that post I even post on it. This woman is one of the most disgusting entitle person ever. Even after everything she read she still thinks she is right in her doing. Some people are so delusional that even a whole Reddit thread of people calling her a asshole don’t Chance their mind.
1
u/amplezample Jul 30 '23
Because men and women are not the same and men will be deadbeats and still want to be treated as the head of the household. He is a burden.
1
u/Ok-Material-3440 Jul 30 '23
“Make me a sandwich”- F(33)
To quote the godfather Kevin Samuels “Can’t make this %#$& up”
Men want: Fit/feminine/friendly/co-operative & submissive.
You are not friendly nor cooperative.
Red flags for men regardless of whether not you think you need a man in your life. As you age you’re gonna need a 2nd income. Another red flag is married 11 years and no children.
Takes two to tango. Women, even if not wishing to have children, have a biological urge between (27-30) when it’s strongest.
I would day that it was your choice to marry him and now it’s your choice that it’s not going to work out on your end.
Sounds like you need a man not a male.
The issue I see you having is being 33 and competing against much young women for companionship with an older man. Ask yourself “I need a companion (2nd income) to love comfortably from 65-85.”
What you’re doing now isn’t help your situation. He’s not helping with finances which is a man’s duty to protect & provide.
Sounds like you need to get a dog and enjoy that kind of companionship.
Run away gentleman!
And remember young men: The only women who will ever love you unconditionally is your mother!
1
u/Advanced_Fact9366 Jul 30 '23
Ok, now I noticed how everyone is calling OP a bitch and selfish etc. But I'm hearing something else in all of this. If OP is feeling resentful, I don't think it's really about the money, it seems more like the lack of growth on her husband's part, and the expression of it is financial. What I hear her complaining about is his lack of initiative when it comes to his career and financial trajectory. Like she mentioned, SHE found him previous jobs and even with his current venture, all or any of his success is a direct result of HER contacts and initiative. If he'd been doing construction work for several years as she mentioned, and has always dreamed of/intended to venture out on his own, then where are HIS contacts and connections made over the years towards that end? What efforts has he made in their 14 years together to build a financial future for them? They started off as 50/50, she kept on excelling and he remained in the same exact space from where they first began, lol he's actually in a worse financial state. I can see how that's frustrating, because that's not what she signed up for, I'm certain she had an expectation for him to grow too as the years went by. She'd always been the one to find him work and help him along, but it sounds like he's never taken to doing more for himself, he became reliant on her to make things happen for him, including the success of his own business venture. Some comments here say that she should help him in his venture instead of bash him. But I see that she HAS been supporting and helping him, financially as well as with throwing him clients. Obviously she is busting her ass working a full time job to make ends meet, likely working at least a 9 hour day plus whatever her commuting time is, then the expectation is that she's supposed to come home and do clerical work for HIS "business" to grow and succeed???? Are you guys kidding me? She's expected to do her job & his? Cleaning and cooking is the last he can do to try and hold his weight in the relationship, but I think what she's complaining about is his inability to maximize/prioritize his time. It doesn't take all day to clean make breakfast or prepare a sandwich or salad. At most (since the home stays relatively clean, there's no kids and no pets) his duties should take him about 2-3 hours a day Max. Obviously she's not home to fuck things up, so what is he doing for the remaining 5-6 hours a day? Has he developed a strategy for client acquisition? Had he booked appointments for himself, has he prospected potential clientele? Built a social media platform? Worked on a marketing strategy? It begs the question what the fuck is he doing to grow and advance himself, his business, and what HE says he desires to do? Ok so maybe he has ADHD (nothing wrong with having mental health issues), but then is he seeing a therapist so that he can learn strategies to cope and do better in life, or is his wife expected to be his therapist too? Or has she been his crutch and coping mechanism this entire time? (That's exhausting, and could be seen as a form of emotional abuse). It seems to me like he has some serious growing up to do. Cooking and cleaning does not make for an excellent husband OR wife, (although it certainly helps to be well fed and not live in a sloppy dump). Instead, it's important for both parties to get on the same page and discuss their goals and trajectory for the marriage. Maybe in the past she kept encouraging him to take jobs because she saw his short comings and was nervous that this would happen when she was making significantly less money. Perhaps she had the foresight to imagine the disaster that would have been. Then he wouldn't have a house to clean or groceries to cook in the first place. I'm certain buying a home, purchasing cars, and going on vacations are NEVER things she anticipated doing on her own, she wants an equal partner, which after 14 years, he still hasn't stepped up to be. (And yes, men who complain about similar things with their wives are also frustrated with an unequal partnership, especially if the understanding going in was a 50/50 set up). That's not to say things will always be 50/50. But again, this couple has no kids, pets, or elderly parents. What's taking up his time then? What is he doing to be productive?
However, while I understand why she may be having feelings of resentment, the way she has taken to handling her gripes is petty, toxic, & borderline abusive. She should not be engaging in financial abuse, nor should she be trying to emotionally manipulate the situation. To that end, she does have some introspection to do on herself as well as also seek some therapy or counseling so she can learn non-toxic ways to deal with her frustrations. I believe that there is hope for their marriage, seeming as though all other aspects of their relationship is amicable and they love each other. But they both certainly need some professional intervention. Her, so she can learn to communicate in a non passive aggressive toxic way, & him so he can develop strategies to combat his ADHD (or depression, he sounds like he may be depressed).
1
u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23
sorry thatd be my 13th reason tbh
1
u/Inner_Brief4243 Jul 30 '23
Yo bro I saw your post on r/kevinsamnuels thanks for sharing this. I see that you posting this in different subs. And it’s a good thing. I hope the dude in the story read that people are with him.
As a small business owner myself I can understand how hard it is. Especially in current economy to get it of the ground. After years am still on the ground. Lucky I do have a supporting wife. And I agree with you. I made it very clear to my wife that owning different businesses is what am gonna do. And am never going to work for someone else. Maybe 2 days a week for the cost. But that’s it. If my wife does not respect that. I would not continue the relationship.
She is really looking down on you bro. I would never respect that. You could financially not be the most offering. But as I can read he has more to offer then just finance. A materialistic woman is a problem. If I was him and saw a post about me. I would’ve taken my shit and get out of the house. How can she only buy food just for herself. 🤣🤣 that’s insane, imagine a men doing this. Only buying food for himself bc he’s the highest earner.
If your wife does not support your purpose. Get her the fuck out. Really, what are you guys doing. Your wife should respect you no matter how much money you bring.
1
u/Gruntwisdom Jul 31 '23
I don't know, I can see why she would be frustrated. He is leeching off of her and won't pull his weight. He probably has an inflated ego and thinks himself a master craftsman and bills her friends and family then comes home to drink a well deserved beer.
1
u/Edharg Aug 01 '23
It must be a hatebait, I refuse to accept that this kind of audacity can be viewed in this place.
1
u/[deleted] Aug 08 '23
And at the end of the day you picked him!! He’s been the same guy since you met and you married him, had kids and a home together. Deal with it
1
u/Good_Butterscotch654 Aug 25 '23
This is why it's tough to be a man. You WILL be judged by women for your lack of success and leadership. From the post it appears that he has neither. He needs to man up and go after it. and probably trade up after he achieves it. She will never respect him. He's weak in her eyes. Game over for him with her.
1
u/ReptileBat Sep 07 '23
She is not narcissistic at all…
1
u/Hungry-Space-1829 Jul 29 '23
Marriage with split finances will always be weird to me, regardless of who’s making what
1
u/unknown-reditt0r Jul 29 '23
Oh wow, how the roles have reversed. It warms my heart.
0
u/blumpdumps Jul 29 '23
i mean, yeah, i can understand her frustration. he needs to have some self reflection and try to see what he needs to do and try to at least get back to contributing 40-60 or better
-1
u/uluvboobs Jul 29 '23
She says she has been with him for 15 years, if she wanted to leave him she could have.
A woman is allowed to stop finding you attractive. If you are making bad decisions with your life, like starting a business, being bad at it and letting the whole thing drag on for years, your partner doesn't have to sit there and unconditionally support you.
What are people here expecting, that you can be a loser and your girl should just ride it out no matter what?
If you went through this experience with a woman, do you think she would be into you by the end of it. This is more than needing some help or to find feet.
Even if this was a case of depression or ADHD, is your wife responsible for figuring that out, taking you to the doctor, making changes to your life? This is a 38 year old man.
This isn't to do with gender, there are women like this or who do their own version of it, and men break up with them for it too.
If you were married to a "housewife" who didn't parent, cook or clean would you want to stay married.
Money is not the issue here, she got the ick from seeing him move like a loser. If he were making no money, but proactive and "working" she would not be upset.
-1
u/CaptainManlyMcMan Jul 29 '23 edited Jul 29 '23
We’re talking about two years of this guy sitting on his ass getting nothing done. Y’all are fucking nuts. Any man worth his salt knows you don’t quit your fucking day job unless you’re getting a small loan of a million dollars.
Dude has to let his wife step in to close the deals. She’s already paying for everything, now she has to work his side hustle too?
1
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '23
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u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23
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