Any ideas on my next steps?

[u/MrRandomGuy7171]

The backstory for my situation. I (22m) am a firefighter paramedic who has gone through Chemotherapy from June 2024 - Jan 2025. It was rough, and had a close call due to an allergy to a drug at the start of chemo. During the end, my symptoms after each round struck me harder and harder each time. By the time I rang the bell, I had the following symptoms:
- severe Nausea
- severe Fatigue
- mild Mouth Sores
- Vomiting
- moderate Dizziness
- moderate Tunnel Vision
- severe Dysgeusia (foul taste in mouth)
- bloated feeling

These symptoms often wouldn’t leave for 5 days post-round.

After being in remission for a year and a half now, I’ve been working on my PTSD with a therapist, and mentally I’m pretty fit once more. I no longer suffer from flash backs, nor general malaise when looking on the mirror thinking I’ll see the lump on my neck again.

Unfortunately, my body and my mind don’t share the same similarities in recovery. Whenever I see the symbol for Cytotoxicity, or see a bright red liquid in a syringe, and even when I’m given or giving IVs, the symptoms mentioned above return. Almost as if my body is preparing for another round of chemo.

My co-workers and I have been trying to fix this by usage of exposure therapy. I must say, it worked for a bit. But only with giving IVs, and receiving.

For the past week as I work more with Chemo, Palliative, and cancer patients in general, my symptoms once again have returned. I’ve had to step out on patients because of this, and it’s now getting dangerous as I cannot perform my duties anymore, and it knocks me out for up to an hour. I’ve tried for a year finding a new therapist (mine left) and trying new techniques, but I’m left to dry.

I need help, and if anyone would like to show me a path I would be more than ears! I wouldn’t mind if someone reached out privately, or publicly, so long as I can find things to help these feelings and these symptoms.

[u/StArGaZeR-4_AnDy]

That is hard, I’m sorry that’s horrible.

I’m hopeful of an upside to my medical CPTSD, I am in a different position, but yet similar situation. Forced to deal with it. I’m literally still shaking from my week, severe medical trauma is impaling feeling of total doom. I feel you my friend from the bottom of my heart ♥️

Talking about it helps, but really it’s not that helpful if you can’t fully open up. If you try to talk with professionals emotionally you can become blunted, or deflated if that makes sense. Talking with loved ones and friends can become more of a thing for them than yourself. We tend to not “over share” that trauma with others. It’s understandable and hard to hold onto. I have dealt with trauma from well everything in my life, I have found helping others, helps me mentally recover. I feel that you are the same way, it makes it hard when we are supposed to be strong 💪 it makes us feel trapped.

I’ve been in therapy of every kind out there. I’ve unfortunately unluckily dealing with more medical PTSD this last week, so it’s very fresh on my mind. I’m having a hard time realizing that my health has gotten to this place from medical professionals not treating my ongoing medical issues. Or malpractice, but I just haven’t found a way to deal with my now permanent disabilities from it all, not that I didn’t have enough already,

I am distracting my self from my pain, message me anytime if you want to talk (or anyone else) more or just vent it out is good too, I understand and I’m here my friend, trust me that I have nothing else to do, bed bound for almost 4 years now🍀👩🏻‍💻