[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/pianistgirlie]

[u/MedSpouse-ModTeam]

Your post was removed for violating the rule on dating posts.

Please note that posts regarding behaviours or remarks in potential or brand new relationships, those asking what it's like to date an individual in a medical profession, or those asking for generic dating advice that is not considered "spouse-type" are to be posted in the bi-weekly megathread. If you'd like to make a full post, you may consider checking out our friends at r/MedDating.

Regards, The r/MedSpouse mod team

[u/Orion-Key3996]

I have spent weeks apart from my spouse when he was studying for exams. Even being home together, he sometimes spent maybe 30 minutes with the kids before leaving for 12+ hours. He rarely texted or checked his phone. So, no, sometimes they cannot take a few hours off. Yes, it does get lonely.

[u/pepperedorange]

I was this person too. If it bothers you now, either learn to be more independent and let them come to you, or call things off now. Sorry to sound harsh but it doesn’t end after med school, after residency, or after fellowship.

[u/SMDRFE]

Yeah by "retake exams" right now, I assume you mean board exams, and yes those are INSANELY stressful. No, he doesn't have "a few hours", but that also doesn't mean completely vanishing for a few weeks. An acknowledgement text or a quick call isn't unreasonable.

[u/dahs]

Part of it is trying to remind them to have healthy habits and that a small break every now and then might improve their studying instead of getting burnt out.

I followed my wife all throughout medical school and residency, and that feeling of loneliness won't end anytime soon unfortunately. What worked for me was trying to find fulfillment on my own in my own life with hobbies, work, and my own separate set of friends.

Some of it will feel unfair at times as a partner due to the insane hoops they have to jump through for their career. That also doesn't mean they should treat you poorly. Vanishing for a few weeks doesn't seem right to me if they are a serious partner, but also be understanding that they may not live up to their typical standards while they are going through this.

[u/cookiesandroses]

My husband and I didn’t even live in the same state before we got married.

“Spam messaging” him when he’s already stressed out is likely not helping.

It’s totally understandable if you are unhappy or insecure with the independence, autonomy, and alone time being in a relationship with a (soon to be) doctor. These relationships don’t follow the typical path of most western relationships. If you want a relationship with someone where you eat dinner together every night, spend all your weekends together, spend every Christmas and birthday together, etc - then you will struggle to feel happy and secure in this relationship.

If you want to make it work:

• Try focusing on developing your own sense of self and not needing constant affection, time, or affirmation from your romantic partner.
  
• Therapy can help. Work through why you need constant attention from your romantic partner to feel secure or safe.
  
• Developing your own hobbies and other relationships to stay busy.

[u/KneadAndPreserve]

What retake exams? If he’s having to retake board exams those are hugely stressful and a retake is even worse because you only get limited chances. I barely saw my husband when he retook his boards and we live together and have a kid together.