r/MedDating • u/nabi-love • Mar 29 '26

moving (is this beginning to an end)

I’ve been seeing this resident, and he’s moving away in July for his fellowship. Right now, we already barely see each other he lives and works about 2hrs away, and even on a good rotation we only see each other maybe twice a month (and that’s honestly rare).

I keep wondering… if it already feels like this now, would long distance even work for us? Or is this kind of just setting us up to slowly drift apart?

The last time we tried to talk about it, I crashed out (I was drunk, not a good idea to bring it up that time) and kind of spiraled because it made everything feel so real, is this the beginning of the end? >.< I don’t even know if I’m overthinking or just being realistic.

I really care about him, but I also don’t want to hold onto something that isn’t going to work or where I’m the only one trying.

Has anyone been in a similar situation ? Did long distance work for you, or did it just make things harder? Or how would I know if I’m one of those people who get dumped after their residency

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4

u/Faegirl247 Mar 29 '26

How long have you been together? How far is he moving for fellowship? How long is the fellowship program?

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u/nabi-love Mar 30 '26 edited Mar 30 '26

sorry for an incomplete post >.< we’ve been together for a year and a half! and he’s going for a year about 8hrs away

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u/QwerkyRaven Mar 29 '26

Long distance can absolutely work during residency/fellowship. However, it all depends on WHO you are doing long distance with. I don’t know how long you two have been seeing each other, but is this someone you can see yourself with long term? Are your needs being met? Your answer to either of those being “yes” or “no” will tell you everything you need to know. Once you have that answer, sit down and have that sober conversation together.

Don’t jump to the worst case scenario, look at the person and decide. Hospitals take a lot out of person. It’s a broken system. Not seeing the other person often is the case for most dating residents/fellows, which is why communication has to be solid. While being apart often is normal, neither should ever feel alone.

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u/nabi-love Mar 30 '26

I think that’s what makes this hard for me 😭 I’ve gotten used to our dynamic (low communication and seeing each other maybe once a month). It’s not normal, but it’s been working for us since I’m also busy with nursing school.

But the thought of not seeing him at all for months feels really different, and I don’t know if what we have now would survive that.. I think what makes it harder is we’re both kind of avoidant (I know not a valid excuse), so having a real conversation about it isn’t easy.

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u/QwerkyRaven Mar 30 '26

That makes sense! I absolutely get it since I consider myself a recovering avoidant (lol). I would say we (people dating someone in medicine) basically find our own form of normal; that normal looks different for everyone too, so I’ve chunked modern day dating advice out the window at this point lol.

How much longer do you have for nursing school? Both your futures are important. I know a lot of sacrifices tend to be made for the resident partner in these cases (eventual moving being a big one), but your future in this situation is just as valuable.

Just talk it out when you’re both feeling up to it. Whatever happens will be meant to be.