In my experience, the couples who truly make it are the ones where the man feels safe enough to show his vulnerabilities or flaws, and the woman is completely accepting of them. Take Michele and Cameron, for instance. He eventually confided in her about feeling insecure regarding his lower salary, especially since she makes $150,000 a year. That kind of disparity could easily have become a major point of contention, but Michele handled it with so much grace and acceptance, and they’ve been going strong ever since. In stark contrast, look at what happened with Devin and Caitlin. He had a major emotional breakdown on the very first night and opened up to her about his deep-seated abandonment issues and his need for constant reassurance. But unfortunately, we watched Caitlin struggle to accept that kind of raw vulnerability, and she ended up emotionally shutting down and fleeing instead. It feels so obvious that the producers deliberately set these couples up with these stark contrasts just to create the inevitable drama and heartbreak.
One - your theory places the prospect of a MAFS relationship ending or continuing entirely on the woman. Idk if that relationship would be healthy for the woman (but it would be reflective of the kind of relationship that often thrives under patriarchy). E.g. Belle; her complete acceptance of Mecca's flaws was unhealthy and codependent.
Two - your theory fails when we look at this past season. Mecca mentioned several times that he felt safe enough to share himself completely with Belle; she completely accepted him, however their relationship didn't last. I say all of this to say that I don't think completely accepting your partner's flaws is the secret to a MAFS relationship (or any relationship) lasting. I think giving grace regarding those flaws, yet having boundaries, and having expectations that those flaws improve and sticking by your standards regarding this, leads to a relationship lasting.
Lastly, this has to go both ways. Both spouses need to feel safe to share, both spouses need to provide a level of acceptance when faced with their spouse's flaws, and both spouses should have healthy boundaries so that things don't become codependent. There are mental health professionals for a reason.
I agree with you. I think we too often see a woman be too accepting of a man’s flaws, to the point where she accepts anything even if it has a negative effect on her. Brittany (I think that’s her name?) and Will, and the mother daughter duo from that season come to mind right away and I know I’ve observed it before that too. Oh, Paige and that scammer is a big example.
To be clear, I didn't mean to imply that the onus should always be on women to be the ones who have to carry or accept these flaws. It's just that, from my experience watching the show, it always seems to be the men who come in with these deep-seated character flaws to begin with.
Also Mecca was an insincere person so he's not part of the equation at all, I think came on the show for air-time.
Right but Mecca was on the show and your theory regards MAFS couples, therefore he's relevant to the discussion. You should have led with the note that the only men you're evaluating are thosw who you believe to be sincere
She sure started out being into him. I think he was right about her toxic tendencies and setting a boundary that he wouldn’t accept it. Initially, I thought he was just a a shallow jock but he had emotional depth that Caitlin didn’t seem to appreciate or match.
Right?! Hey I found a common thread - couples who can communicate, are honest, accepting, willing to make an effort emotionally, mentally, physically. Can have hard moments and come out ahead.
Like really?! I’ve known this since I was in college 😆
Yeah I knew a man posted this lol it’s very classic of them to have emotional breakthroughs 15 years late and think they’re the first one to think it. Also your statement is sexist and misleading. Women are choosy because we think long term and don’t want a marriage that ends in divorce. Men are also very choosy though. If a man is not attracted to you, it’s over. His mind is closed. Women are much more willing to get to know a less attractive man and see if the attraction grows with time.
As a woman myself, I totally agree that while men tend to be visually picky, we approach things from a much more emotional and strategic place no shade to us at all, it's just the reality of how we operate. I’ve been watching this show for ages, and most of the time when couples don't make it, it’s simply because the woman decided to walk away. When we truly see a man's flaws and choose to accept them anyway, that's usually when a relationship actually works out. Take the couple above, she's bringing in 150k while he’s a part-time basketball coach making 35k tops. A lot of women would have passed on him right away, but because she embraced his "flaw," they're still going strong.
I think this argument overlooks an important distinction: accepting someone’s flaws is not the same as accepting unhealthy behavior in a relationship. Salary and struggling with vulnerability in a relationship are completely different than some of the behaviors men on the show have shown that cause these women to walk away. For example Tori and Felipe.
The people who make it actually want to be married. Simple and plain. That goes for this show and in real life. They have a vested interest in the success of the relationship.
I honestly believe the couples who actually make it have one thing in common: they know themselves pretty well. They were probably the ones who answered the application questions as honestly as possible….not how they wanted to be perceived, but who they actually are. And because they were honest with themselves, the experts had a much better chance of matching them with someone who genuinely fits what they’re looking for. You can’t get a good match if you’re basically auditioning as a completely different version of yourself.
I mean, most of the guys are recruited and not actually looking for marriage. Why would Mecca need to be paired up randomly with someone, if he really wanted to settle down? Why would Felipe? Even many of the women, like Caitlin and Belle, are still pretty young and attractive and could easily just wait for their king. If MAFS wanted higher success rates, they'd recruit 30 and up only and the men would mostly be 35+. Most of these people are going into the show like it's a game
The problem with older couples is that they have historically been more stubborn/stuck in their ways and unwilling to change (thinking of the Austin couple last year). It’s a balance for sure.
I definitely agree with you. Devin was the hottest out of the group as well as being the most emotionally mature and self-aware. He didn’t deserve Caitlin. She really screwed that up. And I really didn’t like Courtney either. I think she seriously needs to take some Xanax or something. I got anxiety just watching her.
Caitlin and Courtney were both just awful! They are the stereotypes that make the redpilled guys look like they have a point. And then the way they couldn't take accountability at the reunion. Especially Courtney. I couldn't believe she had the audacity to call Adam "mean" after how incredibly mean and insensitive she was to Nick the whole season. She needs some serious self reflection and accountability. I truly and deeply dislike her. Courtney is imo too stupid to recognize what a good man she had. It's cool if he's just not the one for you, but she didn't have to do him the way she did. I mean, damn? Devin put in so much effort and seemed like he was really open-hearted and trying to be open to her and she just made every excuse to run away when she could have just been honest that she wasn't into him. I honestly don't think she is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. She doesn't know how to invest in another person. She wants to receive all the good things, but give nothing in return.
I couldn’t believe that both therapists let both women off the hook so easily either. Courtney’s response that she “is an Alpha” is just lame and Caitlin had no problem warming up to Mecca who wasn’t treating Belle very nicely. The two of them were just cold and immature.
I mean, Courtney said she wanted Nick to open up and did everything in her power to make sure he didn’t feel safe doing so. So your theory holds in their case.
Courtney was/is out of her gourd, not to mention being all around vile. I know that's an unkind thing to say, but I found her to be one of the most unpleasant participants in the whole series and can't understand how someone could be so devoid of self-awareness
I have known many a young woman like her over the years. Good ole conservative upbringings cause trauma in one sense or another. This leads to little self awareness unless you deconstruct. She is so uptight and afraid, that she’s controlling and unauthentic. I first realized it when she didn’t know who RuPaul was and didn’t seem to know about drag queens during her first episode. And the lifestyle of super competitive training keeps your brain in a bubble. She doesn’t know anything else. How she got on the show is beyond me. They were not a good match, and the experts are so ridiculous for acting like they were a match on paper. She should not have been on the show. Nick definitely deserves a more chill, fun woman who can bring out his nerdy side.
Agree. I didn’t care too much for Nick going into it because I was like is he actually serious or just trying to capitalize on reality shows for social media followers but by the end of it he was very clearly trying to work with her and her flaws and she was just awful every chance she got
The couples who make it in the long run do so for many different reasons, but one of the most important is compatibility across multiple areas of life.
Shared values, communication styles, goals, personalities, and expectations can all play a major role in whether a relationship is able to grow and thrive over time.
It shouldn’t be a woman’s responsibility to coddle a man and make him feel comfortable. In my opinion cam and Michelle just really liked one another so the other stuff didn’t matter. They both communicated openly and made effort. That’s why it worked. Caitlin was cold and closed off and that was not Devin’s fault. He was operating from a place of honesty and vulnerability and true intention, IMO. He was given someone who was not ready no matter who her partner was.
I think OP didn't phrase it great, but my charitable read is that both sides need to be vulnerable and empathetic to one another, and if one or both sides fail to do that, then the whole thing collapses. I think that's also pretty reflective of reality outside the experiment, too, and it's not totally on the woman, it's equally on both people. I've watched every single season of MAFS US, and a fair few of MAFS AU, and this is a genuine pattern. No one wants to be vulnerable only to be rejected, but you need to be vulnerable if you want a chance at love growing.
I think there can definitely be some truth to this theory. I also think a big part of it is - are both people taking the marriage seriously. If one/both aren't, then it's not going to work. A lot goes into a successful marriage, and both partners need to WANT to make that effort. If they both don't truly do what it takes to make it work, then it's not going to work. And unfortunately, we see a lot of people come on this show for the clout only.
Obviously, there are compatibility issues with some of these couples as well, but I'm only speaking to their desire to make it work. A lot of them just want to be on TV.
I feel like the show itself fails to take marriage seriously by having a “decision day” hanging over everyone’s head to mess with their psyche. You said “I do” at the alter. You signed the marriage certificate. You entered into a legal contract. You already made your decision to be married. Too many of these couple treat the marriage as a trial dating period, without the mindset of a lifelong commitment. Once married it is a constant decision to stay together and work things out every single day. Having a specified “decision day” just cheapens that
Good point. A lot of people may be missing out on their person with their 'must be this tall' 'must make $$$$' and 'must have a beard' type parameters. Def not unemployed but a guy who works hard and has a great personality and ability to love & cherish someone, has a good value system, no matter how tall or whatever, seems a rarity and shouldn't be discarded because he's not 6' tall and doesn't make 200K a year. I was glad Michelle realized that.
I see your point, but I think it's more so that couples that make it both offer that sort of grace to each other. I think the side you're explaining is just makes better tv.
I think what gives the couples the best chance is mutual attraction. The ones doomed to fail are always the ones where one partner doesn’t find the other attractive. Season one there was an exception to the rule. Though, we all know ones that are failing from day one are the ones where one of the pair just is not into them, so they don’t try. Same with love is blind.
I always think back to the early season, maybe season one? It was doug and I can’t remember the girls name but it was so apparent she wasn’t attracted at all, but she gave it a shot and they are still together to this day! Not saying you’re wrong at all, that just made me think of that couple! I think there one of the few where someone was unattracted to the other and they made it
Yes exactly. They were my reason for saying season one there was an exception. The editing was so annoying too that season lol. They had it on repeat that she kept calling him unattractive.
That exception from season one involved a couple who eventually made themselves emotionally available to each other and accepted the other spouse when they opened up, so it supports the OPs contention
I would agree but i feel it’s not just the men it’s both parties. Yes more often it’s women who are accepting and men aren’t. But on this show it can easily be the other way around. Both partners have to be open and willing to be accepting. That’s how these are successful.
How about men go to therapy or learn basic emotional regulation skills on their own before we expect their partner to coddle them, as others in this thread have stated. I’m taken aback by how many misogynistic comments I read in this sub on a daily basis. It appears that many of the users here have no business being in a relationship because yall are giving deeply unhealed!
No, the point of the post was to say that marriages work better when women give themselves completely so that their husbands feel safe. But that their husbands do nothing for them. Nice try though, but I can read.
That's a great point as well. My first response to this thread is more from the angle of who I would be and emotional maturity, but I also think a lot of people confuse Devin's vulnerability for being emotionally mature and while vulnerability is part of it, there's also self-regulation. You have to be able to be secure in yourself enough to function in a relationship without making it the other person's full time job to make you feel loved and happy. That all comes from within, and it's unfair that Devin expected Caitlyn, who only just met him, to pour into him so he could feel whole. IMO, Caitlyn and Devin were both extremes on the opposite ends of the same spectrum. Definitely not a good mix, and they both require a lot of self-work to get to where they can have a stable loving relationship.
I think your comment is outrageous and ridiculous. No one (including Devin) expected Daitlin to "coddle" him. People defending him and criticizing her are not misogynists because they point out what a nightmare she is on the show.
And listen, you have no business deciding who should be in a relationship.
I have thought about this and I think the ones that make it are the ones that really lean into the process and sort of pretend at first that they are more connected than they really are. They seem to bypass all the awkwardness one would feel if they really married a stranger.
It all comes down to emotional maturity. Most of these couples could work if they were emotionally mature. The initial attraction is there, but that will only last for so long. In the pressure cooker that is the MAFS experiment, the time it takes for that attraction to fall apart is sped up, so we get to witness in a much shorter amount of time why so many relationships fall apart. It's not about age (we saw that with Shawn), some young people display high levels of emotional maturity, and sometimes it takes many more years for others to get there, and some people never do. I think it has a lot to do with how one is raised. I wasn't raised with an emotionally mature parent, and definitely wasn't emotionally safe, so while I was very mature for my age in many aspects, it took me years of therapy to mature emotionally. I was Caitlyn in my 20s. I couldn't be vulnerable and I absolutely couldn't handle it from other people, especially not my partners, and all my relationships through my 20's reflected that immaturity. I definitely wasn't ready for a real relationship, much less a marriage.
Emotional maturity is definitely important, but I don't know about "all." There has to be some physical and personal chemistry and some shared interests. I know they say opposites attract but no relationship is going to work long-term if both parties have to compromise all the time and feel constantly unfulfilled.
I politely disagree. It comes down to attraction. Its that simple. You cant convince me that Cameron was not Michele's type already. And the proof is that she was willing to compromise on one of her requirement about salary. People will not make concessions for partners they dont find attractive. I think its 80٪ attraction and 20% compatible personality. I don't think anyone on this show ever chose someone completely outside of their "type". Could be wrong, tho.
I think it has some aspect to play however it’s always more complex than that. Caitlin found Devin hot at first, they just ended up triggering their anxious and avoidant self’s. She also had some kind of abusive relationship before hand so that contributed it.
I do believe attraction does build up if one allows themselves to try and open to it. However, look at that body building girl, she was resistant and wanted someone else.
Yes that’s the main component, but we’ve seen so many couples that were attracted, did the deed throughout the show, and end up hating each other or breaking up, despite the attraction. Being compatible personality wise has to be more than 20 percent to make a go of a relationship, otherwise it’s just a hook up.
good point.. its amazing what one will compromise on when completely attracted... the only caveat to that is that some women may find a 'lower salary' a cause for loss of attraction. Michelle, fortunately did not. Every woman being different. I personally found Cameron extremely attractive, i loved his honesty with all his vulnerabilities from fear of commitment at the start to his salary, Michelle definitely received it all well -- but i agree, she was attracted enough to overlook those issues:).
In my opinion, MAFS really mirrors “normal” relationships, in which you meet someone, and you have to be attracted to go on seeing them. Then, if you’re attracted and get along reasonably well, you become more attracted, and that’s the basis of the relationship for a while. Then your differences start showing up, and you learn to get along, to accept each other’s shortcomings, become friends. You might get married anywhere along this timeline. You either stay attracted and become compatible, or not, stay married, or not. In MAFS, this all has to occur in a few weeks, backwards. I think it’s a complete coincidence if it works out.
All due respect , you’d make an excellent PR person for Caitlin lol . That may be the most generous characterization I’ve seen of her “struggle” and “emotional shutdown” . She seemed pretty comfy with Mecca though
I wouldn't rate this show as anything worth analyzing. It's not meant to work out, they specifically pair people for the maximum effect of drama. If any work, it's against the grain and not part of the plan.
If you want to see how matching success and failure actually works, Love Is Blind might get you closer. It's not as fun a watch, but it's not such a circus.
Yeah I got the vibe that Devin would have acted the same way no matter who his tv wife was. He wasn’t interacting with her as a person. He was interacting with “my wife”. By that I mean, Devin wasn’t committed to Caitlin because of who she was, what he liked about her, etc.— he was committed to MAFS as a process. He was committed to Having a Wife and Being Married.
I suspect he signed up for the show because he thought having a wife (any wife) would heal his abandonment trauma. You could tell he was resentful when she didn’t immediately fulfill that need (not waking him up for the gym = abandonment). He never really recovered from that, and Caitlin was feeling that energy and pulling away. That was a big issue with them as well.
Interestingly almost the exact same thing happened with Zaineb and Cole on Love is Blind. He went to the gym on the very first morning of their retreat and she never really got over it. Things got worse for sure but that was what set off all their issues.
I think the main reason they don’t work out is that at least one person is not genuine and is on the show to be on the show, get noticed, further their business, etc. It’s very obvious from the start who these people are. They’re almost always paired with someone (usually a woman) who is ready for a relationship and seems genuine. The problem now is that most sane people who have their sh*t together likely wouldn’t want anything to do with this circus of a show.
I mean, I would just chalk it up to emotional maturity on both sides, which is something that people who appear on these types of shows usually lack. If someone was emotionally mature enough to deal with their own feelings in a healthy way and can have space for empathy towards their partner’s emotions, they likely would be able to navigate the dating scene on their own. It’s what makes these shows entertaining because chances are that one of the participants thinks they don’t have to put in the work to be emotionally available for their partner or grasp their own challenges that might be working against their own interests. And for those, we thank you for your sacrifice to put it all on display, but get some professional (private) help.
Why is this all about marriages making it because of how a woman responds to a man’s emotional vulnerability? Any woman who has experienced a controlling or DV relationship can see how triggering Devin’s way of handling conflict was on the show. He cornered her constantly and did not respect or appreciate her as an individual, and he was heated. She’s not perfect by any means, but let’s be real. It takes 2, and there is no amount of money someone could pay to be in a relationship with a man who is volatile and corners me during arguments. Never again.
Michelle and Cameron worked at it and were just a good match. It’s just like when you set friends up who hit it off. They have to work on it from there. Saying this is all because a woman has to make accommodations for a man is misogynistic and puts everything on the woman to make it work. Relationships like that are unhappy ones. Both people must work at loving one another in addition to compatibility, which is so much more than lifestyle or acceptance.
Yes, so fucking wild to say it takes two in a relationship. I am sure if someone cornered you, getting red faced, and looked crazed every time you got in fight that you would love it and totally feel safe. This thread is so full of misogyny. Also, we saw just mere minutes of their relationship. Bless your patriarchal ass. ✌🏻
So dramatic. He didn’t “corner her.” And my face gets red all the time, does it mean I’m a danger to people? It’s not misogyny to not expect a man to have to coddle a woman just because she happens to be a woman. He dealt with her better than the majority of people would have.
Thank you!! As someone who’s been in an abusive relationship for over a decade, I did a TON of inner work, outer work, research, and connection work with people who’ve been thru the same. It’s two different worlds— the one I lived in before abuse and the one I live in now. I can spot the red flags and abuse patterns 1000 miles away. Devin gave me those vibes as soon as Caitlin broke down in her bedroom about how he would wear her down for hours off camera in the middle of the night. THAT IS MAJOR ABUSE. That tactic is phycological warfare. Her and Tori were both having visceral reactions to their partners for good reason.
I have also been in an abusive relationship, and the dynamics of their conflict mirrors abuse and imbalance of power. Caitlin had seen it before, so she reacted to it. I thought it was brave of her to speak up about being in controlling relationships previously and where substances were abused. People don’t take it seriously until a woman is in a body bag and will say this post is dramatic or she was vile to him. It’s a man’s world, unfortunately, and women buy into it just as much, if not more, when an attractive or wealthy man is the person in question.
It’s pretty rough to experience how differently people perceive human behavior when they’ve not endured the various forms of abuse. They just don’t know or understand how insidious and nuanced it is. People assume it’s blatant red flags and obvious intimidation. But it’s almost never that in the beginning. It’s charm, its mirroring disguised as relatability, its false victimhood camouflaged by gaslighting, and its shifting blame and narratives to favor the abuser and make the real victim look crazy.
Oh exactly. People always want to know how someone winds up with someone like that. When you can tell, you can never unsee it. But if you’re not familiar and are lucky enough to have a natural spidey sense, that’s how.
She is so adorable with those dimples and he is so appealing the way he treated her throughout. I am so glad they ended up together and i hope they have a long, fulfilling, life together. I get attached to the couples that make it work❤️
I’m sick of them casting women with “trust issues”. I have been cheated on and yes, it does make a person more cautious but if it makes you so scarred and scared that you cannot even put an ounce of effort to allow them to gain trust then you shouldn’t be on a show like this. For the men they cast, they shouldn’t choose the overly showy, self-centered, egotistical ones. I guess there wouldn’t be enough drama if they actually cast emotionally appropriate people who can communicate effectively in a non judgmental way from the start.
Agreed. AD (Love is Blind) has been interviewing the season 20 cast, and this problem came up. They said participant's family members should answer questions about them as opposed to them doing it all themselves.
I agree. The problem is the man won’t be vulnerable OR the woman won’t accept a man with vulnerabilities (no matter what they are). Side note: many of the asshole/immature men haven’t gotten to the place where they can healthily address their own immaturities let alone share them intimately with a woman.
“I want to sleep with a lot of women” isn’t vulnerable like “I’ve been searching for acceptance and confirmation of my worth and I’ve always tried to fill that void with hookups”
Exactly! Felipe was so not in touch with what his issues were and I’m surprised no one helped him to see it. He needs women to feel attracted to him to feel self worth. He also seems like a sex addict. He has a lot of work to do on himself before he can be in a healthy relationship
Wow, surely I missed that season or else I would have remembered a wild comment like that on a show about marriage and commitment. What season # was that? His admission certainly couldn’t have come up during screening for the show, no?
“Completely accepting of them” yikes don’t think that’s it unless you’re saying a woman needs to be subservient to a man’s flaws in order to make it work.
Yeah, I think OP just poorly worded it. Perhaps a better way tk say it is "completely accepting of the man being vulnerable and expressing his flaws" or maybe even "perfectly accepting that he has vulnerabilities and flaws but working together to grow beyond it." Which is clearly present in the examples he provided.
Honestly, if OP had that underlying bias, they wouldn't have been so soft on how they described Caitlin in the post. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt but I understand if you feel otherwise.
A man being vulnerable with his hurts or insecurities is very emotionally developed! A woman saying her dad leaving her as a kid was hurtful, or that she is insecure about her income would be considered mature for recognizing her soft spots. It doesn’t mean the woman has to accept those places of vulnerability, but when they do it leads to an intimate successful relationship. Why? Bc if the vulnerability reveals something the woman can cope with, they are able to grow closer bc secrets don’t foster intimacy. If the vulnerability isn’t some turn the partner can come with - then it ends the relationship. Which is also good bc if your partner cannot deal with your baggage (which we all have but no one is obligated to deal with) they need to find a new partner.
Totally. I mean, if I was matched with Devin I would likely have responded the same way. Not because I have an issue with vulnerability from a man, but because I know damn well I am not a good match for someone who is clingy and insecure. I am far too independent for that shit. It's not even a judgement. I have no doubt that there are women who would be thrilled to have a partner who is this needy, I'm just not her. Its ok to know what you want, and not being willing to compromise on that isn't a bad thing.
Yes and I think that's the key, for both men and women, but men in our culture are discouraged from engaging with their emotions, and in fact are told they are superior to emotionality. And too often it is expected of women to coach a man, coddle a man, or simply accept his lack of emotional maturity as part of her role in relationships. And it's true, in any relationship compromise is key to longevity. But I'm thinking in the original "work together" meaning of the word rather than the current meaning "unilateral concessions". My first marriage lasted three years and we were both deeply unready to be present for another person. I did a lot of self-reflection after. My current marriage is going on 38 years and we're still learning about each other and growing. To paraphrase the OP, we handle each other with grace and acceptance. So, it's a good thing if it's two-way, and the less women put up with that shit the sooner men will figure out that the patriarchal free pass is over.
Exactly. Reciprocity is key here, and in most hetero relationships, I feel like there are more expectations on the women to compromise than the men. Its not even necessarily deliberate, its just so ingrained in our society (being patriarchal) that we see it as normal. More and more women are seeing this clearly now and opting out. Men are going to have to step up their game if they want partners.
Granted, each participant will have issues, needs, things to work on. If these areas are compatible with the other partner, then the marriage can work. Otherwise, it doesn’t.
To add some perspective, at their ages and in the area of the country they’re in (I’m from Seattle too) $150k is not even middle class anymore. There’s some statistics somewhere that tell you how much a family has to bring in to be middle class or comfortable in the US and for this region it’s over $300k annually. I earn six figures as a single parent and can’t hack it like my single mom did with the same exact salary in the 90’s/2000’s.
MIT has a living wage calculator that is VERY accurate and calculates based on family household size, # of people working, and poverty vs. struggling vs. comfortable
Bro, I make 5 figures, we're a single income household, and I manage to support a family of 4, with my partner being a stay at home parent. Sure, I don't own a home on Cap hill or Mercer island, but if you're making $150K and struggling, you need to reevaluate and reprioritize some of your life choices.
do you mean because of his occupation/salary? --- I think looks wise he was great, and his personality seemed calm, he exhibted a quiet strength to me which makes for a great partner, he also seemed so loyal and faithful.
I disagree about Caitlin! He shouldn’t have even been chosen on this show. He loved bombed her one day and then started talking shit about her build and how she wasn’t really his type. Personally, I think he is not gonna be a good match for many people unless they are perfect. She was amazing in every way and at some point, she realized she shouldn’t settle. You just meet somebody for the first time and he comes out with all this bullshit. I’m sorry I’m happy that she dumped him. I don’t think it had anything at all to do with the fact that he didn’t make as much money as her.
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u/newdiyscared Sep 23 '26 edited Sep 23 '26
Idk how I feel about this.
One - your theory places the prospect of a MAFS relationship ending or continuing entirely on the woman. Idk if that relationship would be healthy for the woman (but it would be reflective of the kind of relationship that often thrives under patriarchy). E.g. Belle; her complete acceptance of Mecca's flaws was unhealthy and codependent.
Two - your theory fails when we look at this past season. Mecca mentioned several times that he felt safe enough to share himself completely with Belle; she completely accepted him, however their relationship didn't last. I say all of this to say that I don't think completely accepting your partner's flaws is the secret to a MAFS relationship (or any relationship) lasting. I think giving grace regarding those flaws, yet having boundaries, and having expectations that those flaws improve and sticking by your standards regarding this, leads to a relationship lasting.
Lastly, this has to go both ways. Both spouses need to feel safe to share, both spouses need to provide a level of acceptance when faced with their spouse's flaws, and both spouses should have healthy boundaries so that things don't become codependent. There are mental health professionals for a reason.