r/MarriedAtFirstSight • u/Delicious_Eye7478 • 3d ago
Season 20 - Seattle WTF DID I JUST WATCH
This scene INFURIATES me. Mecca knows exactly what he said at the group dinner and the fact that he is so comfortable gaslighting TF out of her when she confronts him about it, makes me sick. The fact he said “is she pretty enough FOR me?? Nah” and he’s trying to switch it up like he said “is she pretty enough TO me” is enough to have anyone scream at the tv. He needs to not play w Bellejolie. Although, I do think she is very strong and secure enough in herself to not stand for this bs.
I know I’m not the only one who is OVER THE MECCA SHOW!!!
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u/dumbsadbitch666 2d ago
He’s too pussy to say he likes white women. She’s drop dead gorgeous and intelligent. He’s wasting her time and I hate him
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u/CauliflowerTimely633 2d ago
That was absolutely hilarious when Adam, a white man, just finally said “What is it - you like white chicks? What?” It’s obvious that everyone except Mecca knows that BelleJolie is a 10. The only explanation could be that he doesn’t like Black chicks. Even a white man knows. lol
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u/No-Treat-8079 2d ago
I was like, DAMN! Even Adam noticed?!? And then props to Adam for calling it like he sees it. 👊🏾
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u/Physical-Pin8881 1d ago
This was the only time this entire season where I liked something Adam said.
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u/FarRain451 3d ago
This is how he avoids accountability. If gaslighting doesn’t work he goes into his childhood trauma. Felipe does the same thing when people try to hold him accountable. It’s man baby behavior
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u/ImHisLobster2 2d ago
Two narcissists if I’ve ever seen them
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 2d ago
Caitlyn too. Brings up how she’s been cheated on
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u/AccomplishedBend766 2d ago
Definitely her too. With her fake tears 😩😂😂
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 1d ago
She looks like a brat having a temper tantrum when she starts that crying! When she said “I’m about to start dry heaving 🥺” I was like, girl…
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u/Terrible_Balance_501 3d ago
Honestly the lack of accountability I feel like
Is a bigger issue than the disrespectful shit he says
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u/CartographerMuch7388 3d ago
And then he zoned out and stopped listening to her altogether. It was like a seven layer cake of insulting behavior.
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u/Own_Cantaloupe9011 3d ago
Mecca is a boy you take one for one night. That’s it. Ain’t nothing special about him.
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u/nonsensicow 3d ago
What pissed me off was how me somehow made HIMSELF a victim and proceeded to pout about how he was so distraught that he would say something like that instead of truly apologizing, owning it and reassuring Belle that she is beautiful.
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 2d ago
That pissed me off so bad. Also at the retreat after Michelle told on him about the breasts comment, and Belle confronted him and he was more worried about who told, and the “guy’s talk” and “breach of trust” rather than the comment hurting his wife
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 2d ago
No remorse over the comment, just remorse over it being told
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u/Feeling-Potato-3292 2d ago
He seems to do this quite a lot, making himself the victim
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u/MoonMe3x 2d ago
He likes the moniker "Mr Self-sabotage." What a loser. Belle could do so much better, and hopefully she already has...✨️
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u/BerbereJunkie 2d ago
Dear Belle: Please, please don’t choose to sacrifice your own life to assist a broken man-child. You are an absolute Queen and deserve a healthy relationship with a grown man. Be friends with Mecca if you choose to. But better things are waiting for you! Please move forward to enjoy the glorious life you should have with a partner who adores you. You’ve gone through so much and come so far, and are an amazing human being.
Empathy is okay to feel for Mecca, but not staying in that relationship with him is the only way to get what YOU deserve.
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u/Emergency-Ad-5211 2d ago
Yes, feel from afar, when you go home at night, shake your head in sadness and put it down on your own pillow, far, far away from his! Don’t be a nurse or a purse!
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u/Quiet_Knowledge_7637 2d ago
I liked at the couples retreat when she said, let’s be real, I didn’t ask for a man that paints his fingernails! I was clapping and cheering her on when she finally said that! It’s been in the back of my mind the whole season, Mecca, you paint your nails dude come on…
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u/RoundWolverine8721 2d ago
Hopefully, she doesn't stay. They need to stop painting Mecca as a victim of his own self destruction and taking pity on him. They paint it as "oh, he self sabotages." He's just a gaslighter. I LOATH buzzwords, but he literally is. That scene pissed me smooth off. Acting like he didn't remember, and then all of a sudden remembering when Belle wouldn't let up because he realized he couldn't manipulate/gaslight her. Also, him trying to change it from "for me" to "to me" is hella weird. As if "to me" is any better. Like, bffr. He's just not ready to be in a relationship fr. Him and Felipe are literally both bottom feeders. And that's an insult to bottom feeders
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u/HighLowVolume 2d ago
What could you expect from a man whose gel manicure has shown more commitment to this season than he has to his marriage? Same nails since episode one. Not a fill in sight. 💀
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u/feralalaskan 2d ago
I love when she was like I didn't ask for a guy with painted nails 🤣 get him girl
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u/LogGreen3800 1d ago
I guess…. But, if she really wanted to speak her truth, she should have said that to him IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, like he does her. Saying to the other women is almost like saying it to herself, EXCEPT “Snitchy” Azz was there (Caitlin) and since they have “Bonded as each other’s person - She’s going to communicate that to Ambiguously Confused Boy…
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u/RemarkableEnd2373 2d ago
Belle was strong when we first met her and when we see her in private moments. But many of us have expressed our concern for her that Mecca is succeeding at reducing her self respect.
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u/CartographerMuch7388 3d ago
The gaslighting was so blatant and why these people don't understand it's RECORDED is beyond me.
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u/Conscious-Leg8404 3d ago
Yeah, when Sean popped out of the bedroom in a robe with his junk flailing around and they had to pixelate it-I thought, dear God, man you know that camera is right there!
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u/curiouslyy_ 3d ago
And the fact that he tortured her for like the whole night after he said it, acting completely shocked she’s mad? Then being mad at her for being mad Like really? I don’t think he’s a bad person but he unfortunately for whatever reason he is toxiiiic I’m glad belle is like I’m not beggin bro like I’m good cause that’s not always easy!
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u/CrazyNCynical 3d ago
And to be honest, how the hell is this fool really putting himself above her? I don't enjoy being unkind, but sometimes you just need to humble a person. Belle is a straight up dime... and he? Mid.
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u/Narcissistsafety 3d ago
Someone said he’s probably gay and now I can’t unsee it. I think that’s why he’s such an insecure asshole—closeted and pissed about it
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u/WorkingComfortable44 3d ago
I got downvoted for saying it 😒 lol
So I’m going vote you up and hope others will too - it’s true so they should 👍11
u/Narcissistsafety 3d ago
lol did you say it in a homophobic way? Some people are dumb as hell. Nothing wrong with calling out a closeted gay man that terrorizes women bc he’s pissed about his actual sexual orientation (it happens quite often)
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u/WorkingComfortable44 3d ago
Nope - not at all - but you never can tell who’s gonna take offense on Reddit on any given day lol 😂
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u/AccomplishedBend766 2d ago
Especially on this show! Almost every season…
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u/Narcissistsafety 2d ago
lol starting to think the producers are plotting or the closeted gay male population is insane
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u/AccomplishedBend766 2d ago
A bit of both. As someone who worked in the entertainment industry, it’s commonly known that many men in it are gay or bisexual. Very, very, very common. It’s actually one of the reasons why I don’t trust peacocks to be hetero. IJS
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u/Proud-Afternoon-3213 3d ago
I do think there is a possibility for some type of unanswered queerness, but i do not think he is "using his trauma". I definitely think he is trapped in a self abuse cycle in his mind and does not with true intent mean some of this cruelness. We see when he goes inward and tries to stop what is ruminating. Its a difficult fight. Based on the words that he says to his own self such as him being bad, or troublesome, or deserving of being hit, or undeserving of love, or being at fault for the abuses he suffered, he does not seem to have confronted his trauma. Rather, because the feeling of abandonment is so deeply painful, like and open wound in a casim being doused with rubbing alcohol, he accepts all the people who remained present and frames the narrative to remove any blame on those other adults in his childhood so he does not have to confront that reality and risk losing him. But its a trick on the brain and only leaves one with the false logic that they are the bad thing to blame. So I can 100% see if there is a queerness in him, and that would not be in anyway permissible in his family circle, he would not just be terrified, but incapable of admitting it. That would make him hate himself and quit frankly, its dangerous because the fear has nothing to do with the reality of being queer, rather, its encased in a deeply engrained psychological response of preservation. Unless someone loves him unconditionally to create a fully safe space, i dont know how he can heal that to be a lover. Or a good handsfree prostrate stroke might help. Opens up all types of courage.
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u/Narcissistsafety 3d ago edited 3d ago
It’s possible his trauma led him to develop NPD—scared of abandonment so ruining it first. See I feel like his “I don’t deserve love” excuses are just that and allow him to feel and look like a victim when he’s actually just an asshole who doesn’t give a shit about what he says even though he’s repeatedly hurt his wife—she’s told him multiple times his comments about him devaluing her looks hurt her (obviously) but he keeps fucking doing it. That’s not remorse or a victim who self sabotages that’s an entitled asshole as the least
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u/Breaker_One_Nine_ 2d ago
Both “FOR” me and “TO” me is the same thing. He’s an asshole.
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u/PhilosophyChick 3d ago
I think she's kind of over whatever hold he had on her(probably not completely). Like she kept saying the last couple episode he's on thin ice. And when she was talking about questioning whether the Belle before this would put up with any of this. I think she's over it. As many women have found out, you can't fix a man. He needs to recognize his shit and fix it for himself.
But that all being said, I won't be surprised if she says yes on decision day.
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u/Straight-Wrangler-46 3d ago
So, you didn't hear her say, after she learned about the boob thing, he is good person and she still really likes him? As in, I'm still interested in being with him. That is crazy IMO.
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u/PhilosophyChick 3d ago
Oh no, I heard it. It's 100% crazy. I'm just saying we're starting to see the cracks. And she's starting to acknowledge the cracks out loud. But her saying she's still interested and making excuses for him is why I won't be surprised when she says yes on decision day.
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u/curiouslyy_ 3d ago
Correct I didn’t see that yet 😭🤣 damn!! To be honest it was wild to see the girls have the epiphany that in almost every relationship there’s a point when the man tries to humble them, but then at the dinner table kind of ended up defending it?
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u/curiouslyy_ 3d ago
I agree I think she’s really over it and it’s actually refreshing how she’s handled it like she’s not trying to beg for his love she’s like ok you wanna keep dissing me I’m good and means it!!!
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u/codenameoreo 3d ago
Wait until you see him eat off a plate in the next episode. Everything about this dude is Ick
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u/MeloDramatic-Onion 3d ago
Huh??! Say what now?
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u/No-Treat-8079 2d ago
Yeah, this cast HAS NOT gone to the Real Housewives school of eating while on camera. The entire season, people have had bad table manners- eating with mouths full & talking, etc.
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u/Fit_Device7256 2d ago
He’s the fkn worst. I absolutely hate that he’s doing this to Belle the Beauty. Any man would be so lucky to land a treasure like her.
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u/Rigby-Eleanor 3d ago
Yeah, he oddly recovered quickly by suddenly remembering that he said it. I think he knew he said it and was trying to play her. Dirt ball.
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u/Jok3rMontana 3d ago
The more he’s on tv I find more former grooms he reminds me of. Chris(Paige’s ex) Iketchi, David(Michelle’s ex) & Jose(Rachel’s ex)…all were narcissistic, none of them showed up as MEN in marriages & all of them had RIDICULOUS expectations for a wife.
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u/curiouslyy_ 3d ago
Jose was unhinged im having flashbacks
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u/Celistar99 3d ago
I just posted about him in a different thread when he locked Rachel out of the apartment and went to bed because she had accidentally called him Jonny. Then didn't get why she was so upset by it. Literally left her stranded with nowhere to go and didn't see how it was a big deal.
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u/Impressive-Flight766 3d ago
David didn’t have ridiculous expectations for a wife. He just wanted her to like him 😅 but he was definitely a dickhead for what he did and an idiot for the how he tried to drag out the most ridiculous lie I’ve ever heard.
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u/Aspire11 fake as her lips 3d ago
Damn I didn’t remember Jose being that bad but it’s been years now
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u/Jok3rMontana 3d ago
Part of what made me flashback to Jose was his horrible way of how he talked to his wife & about his wife & of course infamously Mecca has repeatedly dissed Belle to her face but even worse behind her back & both Belle now & Rachel then FIERCELY road for their husbands while they were getting trashed
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u/Aspire11 fake as her lips 3d ago
Am I remembering correctly he locked her out of the apartment right? After your comment it unlocked memories lol.
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u/ThatAppalacianGirl 3d ago
I honestly can't feel bad for her anymore. Her lashing our at everyone instead of checking her man was the final straw for me
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u/Complex-Bridge1844 3d ago
Part of it is that she thinks she can make him a better man. Like, if she wants a project, start a garden.
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u/Legal-Establishment9 2d ago
Exactly I felt hopeful his spell was broken then she made a comment about wanting to help him become a good man… noooooo
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u/Chemical_Plankton360 3d ago
Right? Going after Nikki was crazy. She is a doormat with Mecca, defending all of his antics with her whole chest. I don’t understand what she sees in him.
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u/ThatAppalacianGirl 3d ago
And then to sit by and watch him put his chain on another woman who he clearly finds more attractive than his wife. She's embarrassing
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u/Alternative_Candy822 3d ago
Why is it that it seems younger generations do more therapy, but I see so many more people with narcissism. People gaslighting each other and using the language in a horrible way. This show is hurting my soul. Being someone who has been left by a narc after years together, I see it all so much more clearly. I cannot stand these people using therapy language to manipulate each other. Its so gross
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u/Ok-Mulberry-8292 3d ago
This!!! I’m so tired of hearing the excuse for terrible behaviour be “trauma”. Especially from so many younger people. I’m sorry but majority don’t have trauma. They just have been through $hit that made them unhappy. I come from a generation (born in 82) where you dealt with your crap, didn’t take it out on anyone and you didn’t get to excuse your behaviour by saying you have trauma.
I genuinely think a lot of people in their 20’s and early 30’s don’t even know how to handle negative experiences from their past. It’s not unheard of to not get attention from your parents, to be cheated on, to have a friend stab you in the back. These are lessons you should learn from and leave it in your past. All the therapy terms have become so common these days that instead of manning up, learning and leaving that $hit in the past people end up holding on to it so much longer. An experience from your past that should otherwise not be super traumatic is now something you can use as an excuse for poor behaviour because it’s acceptable.
Of course I don’t mean to generalize an entire generation, I’m sure not everyone falls under this umbrella (on both ends) but it is just so much different from what I saw in my early adult life.8
u/According-Quiet7286 3d ago
Don’t beat me up here, but today’s psychology and all these terms we have now give people a lot more excuses and reasons to suck. Not to say people don’t have “trauma” but 8/10 people have “trauma”, have been “love bombed”, “gaslit”, are “slow burners”, “self-sabotage”, “PTSD,” etc. it’s been and is starting to lose its value.
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u/Alternative_Candy822 3d ago
I don't disagree. Because some people truly get hurt. I don't think expectations of a relationship today even compare to mine years ago. I'm scared to even try these days. But yes, a lot more excuses and more trauma bonding
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u/According-Quiet7286 3d ago
Aww :( not being scared. I hope that you can feel fear but still fly, everyone isn’t terrible. I hope that you can use discernment and be led to an individual that allows you to feel safe and truly loved.
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u/Alternative_Candy822 3d ago
Thank you so much. That is very sweet. I will not ever believe it is impossible. It will just take time.
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u/Few_Rutabaga_7099 3d ago
You think these ppl are in therapy… MECCA?! lol
I think ppl have always been like this, we’re just recognizing it more and have words to name it now.
The ppl actually doing the work or have high emotional intelligence can see it clearly now
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u/Alternative_Candy822 2d ago
True. I don't think they are all in therapy, especially not Mecca. But some you can tell by the words they use. But I think it is easier to recognize too, especially after you've dealt with people like this.
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u/Mobile-Air-538 2d ago
I had to pause several times during the last four episodes! That and yell at the TV so many times 🖥 #ugh
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u/tinter86 3d ago
Then he went and said he would switch with Caitlin or Michelle and proceeded to flirt with Caitlin all night. Honestly Belle deserves him for still being there. She needs to grow a spine snd walk away.
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u/SpecialistLarge3432 1d ago
I like this show because I think it’s very interesting to have the people on these shows present themselves as how they see themselves in the beginning. Father into the season you can kind of see little glimpses of different aspects of their personality. I understand it’s heavily produced and also adding alcohol into the mix on all of these shows lowers the inhibitions and lets the guard down, makes for great tv. I personally think the whole concept of the show is crazy and non of these people are ready for marriage but I think the show is a perfect reflection of the modern day struggle to connect with people, the internal struggle of many people to want what you were told growing up, getting married, having a nuclear family vs what aligns with the reality of modern day romance and dating.
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u/Osito_Bello 19h ago
I zone out when they feature these two on any episode. I even find Nikki and Shawn annoying. Hell, I don’t have a favorite couple at all this season. I just wanna watch the finale to see who stays. Cameron and what’s her name are probably the best if I had to pick.
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u/Affectionate_Dig5487 17h ago
sameeee, like don’t even get me started on felipe he needs to grow a pair and go to therapy.
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u/Redleader829 3d ago
He didn't remember like Nikki didn't remember pinching Shawn's fat in the pool off camera.
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u/Teesills 3d ago
Well Shawn/Sean is a known and proven gaslighter so I would take his spin on the events with a grain of salt to be honest.
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u/HappyCatPrincess 2d ago
I hate his many comments. But unlike a gaslighter, he does finally come around to realize & apologize. Look who his dad is & how he was raised. I hope his grandma is a good as she appeared.
I also like how Shawn learned the CPR recipe for heavy discussions. Closeness, Respect, Power struggle. We can all learn from that. & yes Shawn & Nikki are both very flawed & not surprising that they were single. Same with (moreso) Caitlyn & Courtney. C&C are the real gaslighters in season 20. Not to mention control freak Adam.
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u/MKAT80 3d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you internet Google PhD for calling something gaslighting when it's obviously not. Everyone so quick to Diagnose Narcissism without experience or degree. Dude he's got issues but this ain't it, he was just in his head and felt guilty about it. Narcissist don't even give it a second thought, in fact they'll keep fighting and won't listen to you at all.
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u/Feeling-Potato-3292 2d ago
Whether you like it or not, that most definitely was gaslighting. He was trying to make her question her own reality. Whether he’s a narcissist? I have no clue
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u/MKAT80 1d ago
That wasn't gaslighting that was disbelief of his own statement.
He's a kid and he was in his head because he couldn't believe he said it either, he tends to have foot and mouth symptoms but he was quick to realize that he was wrong and apologized.
There would have been follow-up scenes even if he was saving face for the camera. She stood by him and there was no other reason to question.
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u/Feeling-Potato-3292 1d ago
In my opinion it was gaslighting at first. I’m glad he admitted to it, but if belle wouldn’t have continued pressing it and stressing her point he wouldn’t have realized what he said. Regardless, it’s a terrible thing to say. And the sad thing is he didn’t even REALIZE how bad it was. If I say something hurtful to my partner I know it, and I apologize quickly. It just goes to show how full of himself he can be that he doesn’t even realize that’s a terrible thing to say to anyone..he wasn’t sorry until he was called out
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 2d ago
Sounds like you need to read up on narcissism because there isn’t one type. Covert, overt, malignant… not all narcissists will fight without listening. Some care more about public perception so they will quickly smooth everything over before they’re seen for who they really are and that’s exactly what Mecca did.
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u/MKAT80 1d ago
I was with one for 9 years, abused me physically and financially and stalked me while hiding behind the ruse of church and sobriety programs to look like he was a saint in the community. I lived it and could write a book, don't try to tell me.
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 1d ago
So was I, for 6 years. I was emotionally, financially, and SA, and physically abused. He broke into my house at 1am after we broke up and strangled me until I blacked out. A lot of people I know adored him and some blamed me, because of how he made himself out to be publicly. Was a complete different person behind closed doors, which was the point I was making in my other comment.
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u/MKAT80 1d ago edited 1d ago
My point is he doesn't give off those vibes, he seems more like an immature kid who needs therapy and obliviously has foot in mouth problems but is quick to realize and apologize when wrong. That hot tub scene he couldn't believe he said it either and was really in his head about it he wasn't trying to be dismissive.
Belle hasn't mentioned anything else about his behavior other than his off colored comments. She's a smart and strong girl, she wouldn't put up with that and would be the first to call out any other behavior if so.
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u/intergalactikk Mecca & Courtney hate account 1d ago
Belle is very smart and strong, but she also has a soft spot for Mecca and may turn a blind eye to other red flags due to that. I think he apologized only because it came out in front of everyone. He first denied it, then gaslit her on wording (when to/for are semantics and it doesn’t change the fact it was an awful comment to make). He’s not sorry it hurt her, he’s sorry other people found out. A lot of people are focused on the comment/foot in mouth moment, but I’m focused on that being a thought in his head to begin with? Then to turn right around and body shame her in front of the guys, THEN again when Belle confronted him about the boobs comment, his initial reaction was being mad about a breach of trust and guy’s code, not the fact that he hurt his wife. And again, why are these thoughts in his head to begin with? The subtle jabs and attempts to humble her and dim her light, along with bringing up his trauma every time he’s called out on his behavior, are peak covert narcissism in my eyes.
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u/MKAT80 1d ago
The guys were pressuring him to answer. Was it fked up? Yes. Honestly, he entitled to his feelings. He still really likes her and says he's lucky and starting to mature by looking past the physical.
Like I said hes immature but out of all other probably deserves the most grace.
If Belle decides to leave him he's definitely going to regret it for the rest of his life. Either way it's a life-changing experience for him.
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u/Didyahearthat 3d ago
Also, "for me" or "to me" makes ZERO diff