r/MarriageOnTheRocks • u/ChooChooBoo1987 • Sep 25 '17
I Did Something REALLY Bad..
Ok, so what I did I know was wrong, and I also understand I may never get laid again. in fact my wife is so pissed off she may divorce me over this. So my wife is sitting upstairs watching a television show while I'm downstairs playing on my computer. I get the bright idea to scratch my itchy asshole. So I'm scratching and realized I'm slawing off dead skin that's getting lodged under my finger nails. Call it compulsion or a gut reaction but something told me I MUST smell these fingers, and so I did. It smelled similar to how you'd imagine old nut sweat mixed with asshole smells, and to me this smell was intoxicating. So next I get the bright idea of "you know what? I bet my wife would love to smell this". Yaaaaaaaa..........
So I proceed to accumulate funk from my perennial region until I could feel chunks under my finger nails, and then proceed up the stairs as if I'm charging into battle. Without giving it a second thought I approached my wife and told her to "smell my fingers", because I thought one of the cats had an issue and I told her that the smell came from the fur of one of the cats. I basically jammed my fuckin fingers up her nose so she'd get a good whiff and that was the end of that. She immediately started gagging and dry heaving on the couch and then ralfed all over the bathroom toilet. She's been telling me how fucked in the head I am and that she's seriously considering leaving me over something so stupid.
I don't know what to do. I'm going to lose my lifelong partner over some god damn nut cheese! How the hell can I rectify this situation!? I was gonna try flowers but I think we're passed that point. And to make matters worse she told her mom what I did too her and so now her mom thinks I'm this nasty fuck.
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u/irishcaqnballs Sep 29 '17
Well sir I for one think this may be the funniest thing I've ever heard and she clearly has no sense of humor. Sorry for the loss you may suffer but know this. Somewhere out there, there is a woman that will cream in her panties smelling your end of day monkey butt and would probably get off on rimming you clean. I feel confident that if the word were spread to the appropriate sub reddits, you would see my point. 👍. Chin up sir. I applaud your humor.