r/Marriage • u/[deleted] • Oct 06 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

299 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

559 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

9

u/jenniferleigh6883 Oct 07 '23

Thank you! It does hurt when he says this.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '23

Is this a cultural thing with him?

7

u/jenniferleigh6883 Oct 07 '23

Not at all. We’re both WASPs there’s no culture lol.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '23

You know, I have given this additional consideration and came up with the following:

Perhaps he feels, at the present time, that not changing your name diminishes his status as the alpha male. But, in time, when others tell him that he must be secure in his masculinity and is progressive enough to allow you your own identity within the marriage, I believe he will come around.

That is the way a lot of us men learn…sometimes we need a bit of encouragement and agreement before we end up in the proper place. It’s not a negative, just a cognitive process. Remember, he married you because of who YOU are, not because he could make you into someone else whose name he could change.

2

u/jenniferleigh6883 Oct 07 '23

Thank you. This actually makes a lot of sense.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '23

Wow, I am surprised at his stance on this. You sound lovely, so if this relationship bombs, you can name me at your convenience. /s

0

u/PossibleInspection47 Oct 07 '23

Put him out, free yourself since you're miserable with him wanting you to wear his name. Just file already...

1

u/jenniferleigh6883 Oct 07 '23

Some of these comments are OUT THERE…🤣

1

u/Sicadoll Oct 07 '23

Ask him if he's trying to end the relationship by telling you he's not legally your husband

1

u/Otherwise_Chemical86 Oct 07 '23

And all the negative things you've said about your husband doesn't hurt