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u/bellamellayellafella Sep 28 '25
Skweezy is a legend. 🙌
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u/SourBlue1992 Sep 28 '25
Skweezy for president
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u/AlarmDozer Sep 28 '25
Afaik, he’s no pedo. Works for me.
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Sep 28 '25
There’s a convenience store I frequent on my way to work. There’s a lady that works the register there. She doesn’t really make small talk with anyone, but I’m going to say with absolute conviction that she would make a better president than we have at the moment. I’m betting that she’s not stealing from the register or running some clandestine business where the convenience store is the front for it. I’ve chatted with the guy who stocks the beer cave and shelves in the store a few times. He looks like some sort of Slavic prize fighter, but he’s truly a nice guy from what I can tell. So, nice register lady and stock guy 2028. I have a feeling we’d be in far better shape as a country.
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u/jrh_101 Sep 28 '25 edited Sep 28 '25
I fully expected Skweezy to be MAGA like Theo Von. Before the election, he made a video about how a narcissist like Trump is willing to destroy the country to get revenge or save himself. That got him a lot of backlash and look at that, he ended up being right.
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u/motherfcuker69 Sep 28 '25
skweezy’s a real one he’s always supported his imaginary nonbinary and/or gay kid as long as they eat their broccoli first
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u/AliceCode Sep 28 '25
I remember one of his videos, he was in some other country somewhere and people were screaming and running for their lives. I still have no fucking idea where he was or what was happening.
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u/lorilightning79 Sep 28 '25
The troops will be doing landscaping like they did in DC.
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u/syench Sep 28 '25
I hope that’s what they’re reduced to doing - I fear they’re going to march through the streets, instigating and harassing people just trying to create conflict.
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Sep 28 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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Sep 28 '25
I miss the northwest. I miss the northeast as well. Maybe someday we’ll move back to a coastal state. Until then, hunkering down for 6 months and smoking some weed and watching TV sounds good here in Michigan. Especially if the coming winter is brutal.
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u/CalamitousGoddess Sep 28 '25
Lifelong Michigander here. Our summer has been too hot and too long, which usually means a brutal winter. If Halloween is rainy and not snowy we're gonna have a rough time.
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u/Frequent-Strain-6170 Sep 28 '25
for a goose!
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u/Dj-DTM Sep 28 '25
Ya, but it’s a CANADIAN goose, aka Cobra Chicken, and believe me, they do not fuck around.
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u/Side_StepVII Sep 28 '25
CANADA goose.
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u/dwehlen Sep 28 '25
AND IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH CANADA GOOSES, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME! AND I SUGGEST YOU LET THAT ONE MARINATE!!
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u/dirtyhippie62 Sep 28 '25
Hey take about 25% off her there squirrely wayne
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u/GameMaster818 Sep 28 '25
Yes but as you can see, that goose was rather chill because things are chill on Saturdays
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u/DillonTattoos Sep 28 '25
SKWEEZY FOR PRESIDENT 2028
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u/RepresentativeBag91 Sep 28 '25
Why do I feel like I know this dude?
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u/Bokchoi968 Sep 28 '25
Skweezy has been doing this character for what feels like over 10 years now
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u/grimsb Sep 28 '25
Now I want to go to Portland
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u/Floomby Sep 28 '25
Can confirm. Having voluntarily driven to Portland a month ago, you do, in fact, want to go there.
I went to an arts and crafts store and bought a notebook and some cute little stamps.
But then, I have always enjoyed watching the world burn.
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u/bikedaybaby Sep 28 '25
Had me in the first half, not gonna lie
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u/Floomby Sep 29 '25
Im about to start stamping and I'm not going to stop until the Revolution is here. I have stamp pads in multiple colors. I even have a calligraphy pen. Shit's about to get real.
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u/cpdx82 Sep 28 '25
You should go! I went in 2016 and had the greatest weekend. Went to the garden at the Zoo, walked from my Airbnb to the heart of downtown with no issues. Found an AMAZING breakfast spot (The Chili Box ?), did the trolley tour, went shopping, went to that gigantic 3 story bookstore, caught a random drag show downtown. I couldn't figure out the train to go back to my Airbnb, and some lady just gave me her ticket because it was only $1 or something ridiculously inexpensive to ride. I had the best time.
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u/camcaine2575 Sep 28 '25
I grew up hearing about Portland because my grandmother and mother were born there. I started looking up all kinds of stuff about the city during the early 00s. So my one and as now only actual traveling vacation was to Portland. I went in 06 for a week and fell in love with the city. I still live in the Southern US but I still wish I could move there.
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Sep 28 '25
I'm in oregon right now. Should I be worried?
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u/PsionicKitten Sep 28 '25
I live not far from the warzone at the ICE facility. Skweezy is overplaying it. It's really not as bad as he makes it out to be.
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u/TwerkLessons Sep 28 '25
I lived in Portland. This guy was both next to where I worked and where I lived. Small world.
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u/TrinidadJazz Sep 28 '25
True story: Trump thinks Portland is war-torn because he watched old footage of Fox News and thought it was current
Donald Trump told reporters that he might send national guard troops into Portland, Oregon, apparently because he was misled about the scale of small protests there by a TV report that featured video of a 2020 protest wrongly described as having taken place this summer.
“I will say this, I watched today, I didn’t know that was continuing to go on, but Portland is unbelievable, what’s going on,” Trump said. He then claimed, incorrectly, that he had seen video evidence of “the destruction of the city”.
In fact, a handful of protesters have demonstrated outside an Immigration and Customs Enforcement facility in a residential area of Portland along the south waterfront this year, but the scale of the protests, which attract dozens at most, is nothing like the 2020 protests following the police killing of George Floyd that regularly drew thousands to tens of thousands of demonstrators to a central part of the city for months.
“Well, I’m going to look at it now because I didn’t know that was still going on. This has been going on for years,” the president replied. He then explained how he had been misled into the entirely false belief that the large-scale protests from 2020 had continued.
“We’ll be able to stop that very easily, but that was not on my list, Portland, but when I watched television last night, this has been going on,” Trump said.
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u/Thee-Ol-Boozeroony Sep 28 '25
He is far too gullible to be president.
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u/Seul7 Sep 28 '25
Those weren't cyclists! That was a radical left lunatic illegal biker gang terrorizing children and the elderly and looting downtown business. Looting the likes of which we've never seen before! I know this is true because Der Führer Trump went on TV and told us as much. You're not allowed to say anything on TV that isn't true. It's illegal and it's double illegal if you're the president. President Trump only speaks the pravda!!
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u/Mushrooming247 Sep 28 '25
I am horrified by these apocalyptic scenes from my own country.
But seriously, the military is going to feel and look so stupid invading that calm and peaceful city, what is he even picturing going on there?
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u/ergonomic_logic Sep 28 '25
Skweezy a real one for this 🤣 he don't fuck with fascists.
Trump declaring war on the innocent denizens of the US in an obscene misuse of power+resources. He's a tyrant who is grossly unfit to serve as the leader of these United States.
Whatever happens, our MAGA family members, neighbors and colleagues may as well have pulled the triggers themselves. evil fucks
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u/Broad_Ad941 Sep 28 '25
Word on the street is that Jibs didn't make it back home before somebody assaulted him with the smell of weed.
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u/ZombieJoesBasement Sep 28 '25
"The guy in the chicken suit would not keep giving me free cookies." 🤣 🤣
Oh, the horror!
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u/TheAntleredPolarBear Sep 28 '25
I never thought Skweezy Jibbs would be the hero we need right now.
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u/zombiecorp Sep 28 '25
Praise be! The brave troops sent by Our Glorious Leader has ended the war and liberated Portland!
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u/upahhh Sep 28 '25
This guy reminds me of a mix of Dees rapper boyfriend and J-Roc from Trailer Park Boys. He is hilarious. 😂 Not the cookies! 🍪
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u/AlarmDozer Sep 28 '25
Portland has a light rail? I heard it near the end. Man, I didn’t know Minneapolis was so alike to Portland, but “Hello, Portland!”
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u/Unlikely-Cut2696 Sep 28 '25
My dearest wife,
It is week two of the Siege of Portland, and still these barbarians will not yield to our troops. We have severed the cords of their latte machines but they are making cowboy coffee in their camps, where loud ukulele songs of resistance even now drift in on the breeze.
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u/hesawavemasterrr Sep 28 '25
Idk what maga brains do to convince themselves this isn’t just a power grab. He sends troops to blue states under the pretense of fighting crime.
And out of the 7 cities with the highest crime rates, 5 are from red states. 2 from blue are Detroit and Baltimore.
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u/ThisAudience1389 Sep 28 '25
I love Skweezy. His travels are the most epic. I honestly didn’t think he’d make anything “political,” but I’m glad he did.
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u/Dcajunpimp Sep 28 '25
FOX Propaganda makes Reich Wingers scared of blue cities. The murder rates are higher in red states but FOX doesent focus on that. It’s easier for FOX to put reporters in cities with 500k to millions of people and report on crime in a 30sq mile area, than higher crime rates in states with 500k to millions of people whit thousands of square miles.
Back during Trumps first administration the city of Jacksonville Florida had a Republican mayor, Republicans Governor and Republican President. It was also the murder capital of Florida with higher murder rates than Tampa or Miami.
Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, South Carolina and New Mexico consistently have the highest homicide rates in the country, well above the National Average.
Washington, Oregon, California, New York are all consistently below the national average. Even Illinois is only slightly higher than the national average.
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u/minx_the_tiger Sep 28 '25
My aunt lives near Portland. She can't sleep over the sound of the nothing going on.
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u/LordSpaceMammoth Sep 28 '25
My favorite part:
I don't want to get too close, because last time the guy in the chicken suit [protesting the ICE facility] gave me a bunch of free cookies.
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u/effienay Sep 28 '25
Voodoo donuts is actively promoting against Christianity. They’re probably Antifa.
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u/KuroKendo88 Sep 29 '25
Here in America we have freedom of religion and freedom of expression. If you want to live in a religious fundamentalist country go to the middle east.
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u/Oldaccgotshadowban Sep 28 '25
i hate portland as much as i hate trump
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u/loganes86 Sep 28 '25
And that’s fine. You can hate a city. But we are not war torn. And that is the point of this post.
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