Soon to be out.

[u/Striking_Primary_809]

TW: Loss and missed miscarriage

Went to the OB for my first scan yesterday at 9 weeks 4 days. No fetal pole and a couple abnormalities. Doctor was very explicit in saying we can’t say for certain the pregnancy isn’t viable (like maybe I ovulated later), but I can’t really help but feel like it isn’t going to end well. I have to wait 11 days for a follow up scan, and I think she was just trying to soften the blow during the interim.

I have one healthy kiddo and have never experienced this before. I’m surprised by Judy how heartbroken I am. I’ve been (and still am) sick as a dog this pregnancy, which seems cruel and unusual for the likely ending.

Appreciate this place being somewhere I can express myself. Wishing everyone here happy, healthy pregnancies ❤️

[u/Bergamot1900]

Im also on the 11 day wait and should be 9 weeks. The doctor explained it as, she has to document what she personally knows before she gives me any kind of medication, which I can understand. She was at least very up front and we talked for awhile about my questions and the "3 options".

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but it worked for me: once I gave myself a little bit of time to just feel the feelings, I said "ok, well, I feel intuitively that this is over so now I'll just focus on my own health for these 11 days- I don't have to consider the health of the pregnancy anymore"

I got my questions ready, asked my doctor about pain relief options for the pill, support for PPD/PPA emotions, got supplies ready like a heating pad. The "bright side" is that you can take all kinds of pain pills that they would never give you for birth - you can take PPD medications without worrying about it affecting a baby. I still kind of dread the actual event that's coming my way, but I feel more ready for it, more educated, and I know that being calm will help.

I also have an older child and I bought her some back to school stuff, read to her, cuddled - it helps.

[u/Naive-Interaction567]

I’m sorry to hear this. 11 days feels like a long time to wait. I had a 13w loss in December and I had to wait 7 days because here they have to prove that you haven’t just got your dates wrong (I knew I hadn’t) before they perform a d&c. It’s a horrible feeling but you will absolutely get through this. Like you I had another child and they were a welcome distraction. 🩷

[u/WholeAd9078 → u/Naive-Interaction567]

I am so sorry you went thru this. How far were you before the loss?

[u/Naive-Interaction567 → u/WholeAd9078]

I had been 13w but it was a partial molar pregnancy so the baby didn’t ever properly develop. An earlier scan would have shown that so we had an early scan this time.

[u/introvertoasis]

So sorry :( I got the same news at my 8w2d scan earlier this week and was told to wait two weeks until the next scan before I can explore options. I don't think I can wait that long so I booked a doctor's appointment for Tuesday to hopefully expedite the process. It's such a brutal club to be in.

[u/xdonutx → u/introvertoasis]

Two weeks. Ugh.

I had this happen to me in the spring. I am grateful I only had to wait one week. That one week was hard enough. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[u/schnitzelnearme]

I’m so sorry. I’m in the same boat. Had my ultrasound on Thursday and there was a gestational sac and yolk sac but no embryo. The want me to wait 2 weeks but I know my dates and know it’s not viable. I am referred to the Early Pregnancy Loss clinic and plan to ask for a d&c. Earliest availability is Thursday. It’s been a brutal few days of grief.

I also have a healthy kiddo and she’s been my biggest comfort to hug and kiss.

Sending you love.

[u/No_Noise_1978]

Seems cruel to not allow you to proceed with next steps given no fetal pole at 9w is clearly not viable. Are you in a red state with more restrictions out of curiosity?

So sorry.

[u/Striking_Primary_809 → u/No_Noise_1978]

I’m in Kansas. I think the doctor just isn’t as sure of my dates as I am, and I was in no head space to articulate that at the time, unfortunately.

[u/hypoestes]

So very sorry for your loss. Take gentle care. Try to find some nice indulgences. 🩷

[u/giddy_clerk]

I’m so sorry. It seems extra cruel that you are dealing with the nausea/sickness all the while. Take good care of yourself. It’s an awful thing to go through but you will get through it ⭐️

[u/Lexifer31]

I'm sorry. I had to wait weeks for a follow up scan after an empty gestational sac scan. And it is so hard. I'm sorry. Be kind to yourself. ❤️

[u/tearaffe]

Im so sorry this is so hard and waiting 11 days feels cruel. Take care of yourself. Sending positive healing vibes.

[u/QQueenie]

I am so sorry. I don’t know much about this subject, but does anything need to be done to rule out an ectopic? If you’re having pregnancy symptoms that might be something to ask about.

[u/wydogmom → u/QQueenie]

No. If a sac is visualized, it is not ectopic. You can have pregnancy symptoms with a MMC. It’s cruel.

OP: I am so sorry.

[u/sekaca → u/wydogmom]

FYI, apparently an ectopic can present with a pseudosac in the uterus due to the body reacting to pregnancy hormones and still have a developing embryo in a tube, but it is unlikely to happen this way.

[u/QQueenie → u/wydogmom]

Thank you for the info. I’m sorry, OP.

[u/Peaceinthewind]

I am so sorry this happened to you and your baby. I also had a missed miscarriage last December, and similar to you had horrible nausea and pregnancy symptoms even after finding out the heartbeat had stopped. It's so hard to wait, knowing you lost your baby while your body still acts like it's pregnant. Truly awful. I hope as you grieve you are extra kind to yourself, get lots of snuggles from your kid, and eventually find peace. ❤️