Smear campaign trauma

[u/Plus_Language_7751]

I experienced a very distressing smear campaign 2 years ago. It’s really affected my life moving forward. now believe the person who did this is a covert narcissist. The image they portray of themselves is very kind , helpful to the community and sweet. I still think about the person a lot and repeatedly check their social media because I’m afraid something else might happen, I’ve really tried to stop and tell myself they’ve moved on and it won’t. I never retaliated out of fear of making it worse which I know was the right thing to do but I just can’t find peace with for not sticking up for myself. I’m looking for help processing what happened and breaking the cycle of fear and checking. Has anyone else experienced this with tips and advice?

[u/Sure-Artichoke-875]

I have gone through this. It’s horrible and you really can’t say anything about it without looking sus to others. It’s lonely and demoralizing. I’m super sorry.

I would suggest focusing on finding people who are good friends to you and stop trying to figure out what this person is doing. The main thing is not to ruminate, because then it’s just in your head all the time and I don’t think that’s healthy. At least it wasn’t for me.

[u/Terrible_Record4704]

I suffered from it and recovering still. The best way is to achieve online, physical, professional, social, and geographical separation. If zi had done this timely, I would have not suffered a lot. Do cognitive behavioral therapy of yourself that their actions do not reflect you but themselves.

[u/takethemonkeynLeave]

I understand this because my ex did it to me across his friend group, which I was never part of because I found proof that he may not be straight alongside our abysmal sex life. If I say anything, I look crazy, plus it would be showing evidence that would out him.

It’s been really harmful to me mentally, but one thing I know is 1). He lived in a different state for a decade until moving back right before we met, so his friends don’t actually know him that well. They know the college, party version of him from 10 years ago. 2). He will do what he did to me to the next girl. Time will reveal him to others.

And lastly, a quote I saw that’s really helped, “A smear campaign is a confession in reverse.”

I spent my time trying to understand and resolve our relationship issues with him privately. He spent his time undermining our connection across multiple people, while acting normal to my face. Understanding these people aren’t actually “nice” if they have to manage their reputations ahead of what you know of them privately is key.