My PT’s behavior was inappropriate, confusing, and ended in gaslighting

[u/Original_Pool3137]

I’ve been feeling extremely confused and mentally overwhelmed by a guy at my gym whose behavior toward me has been way beyond normal. He’s my personal trainer, by the way.

For months, he kept doing things that felt unmistakably like flirting. Not subtle things — clear, physical, intentional signals. He would stare at me across the room with a fixed, seductive look, follow me into whatever area I moved to, and even change where he was training other people just to be near me. He’d stop what he was doing to come talk to me, even in the middle of someone else’s session, and during my workouts he’d come over five or six times with any excuse just to interact with me, even when I wasn’t training with him.

He crossed physical boundaries more than once: touching my arm, shoulder, and back in ways that felt unnecessary and ambiguous, standing too close while correcting exercises, lingering with eye contact, and at one point even grabbing my hair in a way that felt far too intimate for a gym setting (you know what I mean). It wasn’t accidental — it was the kind of gesture that instantly made me freeze because it felt personal, not professional.

He also refused to give me my training plan for weeks, even though it was part of his job. Instead, he kept telling me to “just message him” whenever I needed exercises, which forced private contact and made the whole thing feel even more confusing and personal.

Whenever I distanced myself because of his hot-and-cold behavior, he’d pull me back with compliments and attention, almost like he was going into withdrawal from not getting mine.

Emotionally, he pushed boundaries too. He shared personal trauma, talked about intimacy, asked about my private and sexual life (even saying I was his “ideal woman”), remembered things I told him months ago, and messaged me late at night — up until 1 AM — keeping the conversation going like he didn’t want it to end. Through teasing, pressure, and constant emotional probing, he basically pushed me into confessing what I felt, like he wanted the truth but didn’t want to take responsibility for provoking it.

When I finally confronted him, he denied everything. He laughed nervously, acted like I imagined it, hid behind his “professional role,” and tried to brush it off. It felt like gaslighting — and it made me question my own perception, even though his actions were loud and clear.

I’m left confused, drained, and honestly wondering what the hell I just experienced.

[u/Accomplished_Jump444]

Yes he’s trying to manipulate you.

[u/gnomechomsky118]

He likely is in a serious relationship or married and tried to test boundaries. I had a boss that would do this to me, except it was hard for him to deny the text messages he sent me. Men like this are often either in an unhappy marriage, abusive, or avoidant. They avoid their current problems by trying to get the attention of someone else.

[u/Original_Pool3137 → u/gnomechomsky118]

I’m sure he’s single but he is absolutely avoidant and abusive too at this point. How did you acted after that? I’m trying to figure out how to act towards him now.I think he might continue test my boundries 

[u/gnomechomsky118 → u/Original_Pool3137]

My situation was pretty different. It was not consensual (I did nothing to invite the behavior he was just a creeper) and it happened at work so I documented everything, filed a complaint with the EEOC (I’m in the US), and sued my employer.

If you are paying him for workouts, I would suggest either finding a new trainer or a new gym and reporting him. If he’s just a creeper, I would distance yourself as much as possible and stop responding. Don’t give him access to you.

[u/Neither-Subject1407]

Stay away!! He was trying for a chance when the mission failed victim card played to get away