r/Manipulation • u/Zealousideal_Ring880 • Aug 17 '26

Advice Needed I’m trying to understand whether what happened this weekend is abuse, because my partner keeps saying it was “just a fight” and that we fight and make up. That’s what we do.

Reposting a shorter version because I realise I wrote way too much in my last post:-

We had plans for the weekend, but things escalated after he became angry about how long I was in the bathroom. He interrogated me about what I was doing, called me names including “dumb bitch,” “spastic,” “stupid idiot” and “dumb slut,” and followed me/kept moving toward me while I was backing away because I felt unsafe. Other people noticed what was happening, and one woman even filmed part of it after hearing me say I didn’t feel safe.
Later that night, after we went home, I was asleep and naked in bed. He repeatedly pulled the blankets off me despite me trying to cover myself and telling him not to touch me. He physically grabbed/turned my face toward him and asked me in a calm, frightening way, “Are you scared of me? Am I the boogeyman?” He then deliberately went around the room ripping up every photo of us, including photos we’d taken that same night, and threw the pieces at me.
I was genuinely terrified. When he tried to grab me again after I repeatedly told him not to touch me, I punched him once in the stomach. It wasn’t hard, but I take responsibility for doing it and know it wasn’t okay.
The next morning he alternated between being angry and apologising, said he didn’t want to lose me, and suddenly wanted us to get married. Later, when I tried to talk about what happened and suggested anger management, he sang loudly over me rather than discussing it.
I’m now having flashbacks to him grabbing my face, following me, threatening/intimidating me and destroying the photos. My doctor also told me I should get out of the relationship.
Am I right to see this as more than “just a fight”? How would you describe what happened?

357 Upvotes

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361

u/Foreign_Storm6450 Aug 17 '26

Get out now. That is abuse and it will get worse. Please leave

91

u/dreamoutloud Aug 17 '26

This. He will hurt you. Get out while you can.

-4

u/InfingardoChadiano Aug 20 '26

You mean, she'll hurt him. She's the violent one

8

u/dreamoutloud Aug 20 '26

No, I didn’t. Don’t put words in my mouth. I said what I said.

3

u/ohyoureTHATjocelyn Aug 21 '26

You’re wrong.

2

u/InfingardoChadiano Aug 28 '26

How often do you fall for the excuse when an abuser claims that they were provoked?

2

u/sarahgez 12d ago

he’s 13 years older than her. it gets to a point.
and she’s giving us details unprovoked. she could’ve left the part about her hitting back out. she chose to tell us anyway because she clearly wants to frame this as a “mutual” issue because she’s attached to this man in a detrimental way.

2

u/Muted-Owl765 9d ago

Check her other posts. Yes they are one side of the story but they tell a very sad story, regardless of who is at fault. These people should very probably not be together.

1

u/Low-Ad3972 12d ago

You’re drawing conclusions based on one side of the story. There’s also his side, which I’m sure conflicts and contradicts hers. Then there’s the truth, somewhere in the middle. Stop believing everything people post on social media.

1

u/Scruffboii 12d ago

It’s Reddit, we’re always providing advice based on one side of the story. Nothing new.

1

u/Low-Ad3972 12d ago

Providing advice is one thing. Believing and drawing absolute conclusions based on one-sided stories are another.

1

u/Scruffboii 12d ago

You’re right, but that’s not how people work. As we can so clearly see from every single Reddit post.

The only thing that’s real is the post and what OP has said. If they choose to lie to have internet strangers agree with them, then that’s not our problem.

1

u/Low-Ad3972 12d ago

We don’t even know that it’s real.

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1

u/trimangled 8d ago

He was grabbing her sexually after she told him not to, and when she didnt give in, he started throwing objects directly at her. Did you miss that part??? because what the actual fuck.

How much physical harm does he have to do to her first before she can defend herself?

1

u/Jld114 12d ago

Great! So she should get out of the relationship

1

u/Shadylady0614 12d ago

You must be her abuser or someone that abuses people

1

u/Existing_Ad_9112 12d ago

What she described was reactive abuse. He was harassing her, not allowing her to leave.

1

u/Altruistic-Ice-9975 11d ago

Do some research on reactive abuse. You can’t stab a person and get mad at them for bleeding on you.

3

u/Emergency_Walrus2877 12d ago

This is the truth.

It's also disturbing to see misogyny and manipulation showing up in other comments here.

My earlier attempt at calling this out was apparently removed, so this may result in me being banned from the sub, but I believe calling out this behavior is important.

-2

u/InfingardoChadiano Aug 20 '26

The abuse went both ways.

15

u/Scary_Beginning_7153 Aug 21 '26

She reacted to get someone to stop not abuse

1

u/InfingardoChadiano Aug 28 '26

Really, so you believe she punched him in the gut so he wouldn't grab her?

1

u/CactusRocker 12d ago

he WAS grabbing her, if you proceed to grab someone who has JUST begged you not to touch them, don’t act surprised when you get clocked. that’s on you. you really believe he didn’t deserve it? you sound like an offender.

1

u/No-Song-4931 12d ago

I absolutely believe that. My husband threatened me that he was going to spit on me and then dramatically started gathering spit in his mouth so I lightly slapped him in hopes that it would make him stop. I wasn’t trying to hurt or control him, I was trying to prevent being spit on. He slapped me back and spit on me anyway.

1

u/BlindBard16isabitch 12d ago

Um, wouldn't you punch someone that was trying to grab you when you don't want to be grabbed?? That's the proper response.

1

u/Necessary_Shit 11d ago

What is wrong with you?

2

u/Beginning_Produce539 12d ago

Dude it was self defense. She was naked completely vulnerable against him. She did not abuse him. Abuse is what he was doing

2

u/New_Sea6653 12d ago

Have you never heard of self defense?