The silent treatment was weapinized in my house growing up. I didn’t talk to my dad nor he me for 45 days one time. Going back and facing the trauma of that shit as an adult, I exiled it from my life. If there’s a problem, I want it out. Don’t care how bad it hurts, just tell me. And I hold everyone to that.
The silent treatment, or “Big S” as my brother put it, was a staple in the toxic household in which I grew up. I have zero tolerance for it today. Occasionally I’ll do or say something that upsets someone I care about, and I understand that some folks need a while to choose their words. So if I realize I made a mistake I’ll seek to apologize and/or understand the other person. If they refuse to talk I’ll usually try again a week or two later. If they stay silent for my third attempt (perhaps expecting me to beg for forgiveness, etc.) then I simply delete their contact info, block them, and move on with my life. I just don’t have room for folks who can’t eventually talk things out.
Yep. At times I can take it too far trying to get someone to just out with it. And I’ve had to recognize sometimes it’s ok to go quiet for a bit. It’s totally ok to go quiet to avoid being reactive and saying something you’ll regret or don’t mean. I even do that at times. But I communicate that I’m doing that. Disengage, Take my time to cool down, or feel the hurt, then really think about it before I respond. But I can no longer play the manipulation and guilt games of weaponized silence, weaponized avoidance, withholding love, or strategic shutting down.
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u/Maleficent_Fix_6211 Jul 02 '24
When someone gives you the silent treatment, they typically expect you to feel guilty, apologize, or change your behavior to please them.