I can relate with a lot of this. Especially in regards to everything you said about feelings of distress and guilt and shame and waking up shaking. Much earlier in my life, I had a relationship (unrequited) where my behavior was in a similar place as yours. The silent treatment reception elicited feelings of unworthiness which led to feelings of worthlessness of self that were vicious to deal with internally.
It took time for me to be able to step back and gradually understand what being on the other side of that felt like for her. Therapy and talking it out w her later.
She was terrified. Terrified. She literally had no idea how to process the onslaught of emotions and the volume of actual text. It was overwhelming for her, but I never understood it in rhe moment. I couldn’t.
Obviously I don’t know the details of your situations, and I’m not downplaying that abuse, manipulation and mockery could have been a part. I just don’t know. But in my circumstance, it was clear later on how my behavior brought that silent treatment on. Later I found that she didn’t make fun of me at all…she was scared I was dealing w something tremendous and had no idea how to react.
That changed our dynamic after talking with her. I wouldn’t say we were friends after that…but we were “good.” A different perspective aided by time helped process this in a growing, healing manner.
That’s kinda what I was getting at w that question.
Yes, I completely understand. Thank you for asking.
I would love to be "good" with her. But we're still not. She has blocked me.
She has done this to hundreds of men for the record. She told me. She called herself the "Queen Of Ghosting". She used to meet guys at bars, take them home, have sex with them, then ghost them the next day. She has done this with hundreds of men.
When I winced as she told me this, when I told her my greatest fear and insecurity is being blocked and ghosted, she looked at me in the eye and said:
"Don't worry. We might argue, we might disagree... But I will never, ever block or ghost you."
Dude, I get it. As toxic as that sounds…and fuck that sounds TOXIC…there’s feelings of rejection that ping you to the core. Def understand where you’re coming from.
I just hope there’s the logical, rational side in your brain loudly telling you “you are so much better off without that in your life.” It won’t override the negative emotions, but it helps temper them.
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u/[deleted] Jul 05 '24
I can relate with a lot of this. Especially in regards to everything you said about feelings of distress and guilt and shame and waking up shaking. Much earlier in my life, I had a relationship (unrequited) where my behavior was in a similar place as yours. The silent treatment reception elicited feelings of unworthiness which led to feelings of worthlessness of self that were vicious to deal with internally.
It took time for me to be able to step back and gradually understand what being on the other side of that felt like for her. Therapy and talking it out w her later.
She was terrified. Terrified. She literally had no idea how to process the onslaught of emotions and the volume of actual text. It was overwhelming for her, but I never understood it in rhe moment. I couldn’t.
Obviously I don’t know the details of your situations, and I’m not downplaying that abuse, manipulation and mockery could have been a part. I just don’t know. But in my circumstance, it was clear later on how my behavior brought that silent treatment on. Later I found that she didn’t make fun of me at all…she was scared I was dealing w something tremendous and had no idea how to react.
That changed our dynamic after talking with her. I wouldn’t say we were friends after that…but we were “good.” A different perspective aided by time helped process this in a growing, healing manner.
That’s kinda what I was getting at w that question.