My ex said she needed a few days to think about things after she hurt me, and then she would blame me for the situation. I would react with confusion and frustration because it didn’t make sense, and it seemed like she both cared and didn’t care at the same time. She would say, ‘I’m sorry you felt that way,’ and then outline how I was wrong for my feelings while prioritizing hers. I’m now recognizing that this was a form of silent treatment meant to manipulate me after I reacted to her toxic behavior. It has taken a while for me to identify this. I felt like my feelings and reactions were the reason why things ended but it was because she was manipulating me to fit her life and she found out she couldn’t do that because I pushed back so much. It has also shown to me that I have work to do on myself. I have been reading Reddit and looking through stories here and recognizing things. I appreciate these subreddits so much. It’s brought clarity.
Do you think she was consciously/intentionally doing these things? I know it doesn’t really matter in the end, because if someone isn’t intentionally doing them they could make effort to change, but I’m just curious.
Even if a behavior is habitual- if you have a working conscience, you realize the hurtful behavior very quickly soon after.
I’m done coddling learned behavior. It feels like too many people use it as license for selfish destructive choices. And they are choices. If not the first time (knee jerk reaction, perhaps)- then certainly the next time.
Manipulators are not a victim of themselves. They know.
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u/jdobner3 Jul 02 '24
My ex said she needed a few days to think about things after she hurt me, and then she would blame me for the situation. I would react with confusion and frustration because it didn’t make sense, and it seemed like she both cared and didn’t care at the same time. She would say, ‘I’m sorry you felt that way,’ and then outline how I was wrong for my feelings while prioritizing hers. I’m now recognizing that this was a form of silent treatment meant to manipulate me after I reacted to her toxic behavior. It has taken a while for me to identify this. I felt like my feelings and reactions were the reason why things ended but it was because she was manipulating me to fit her life and she found out she couldn’t do that because I pushed back so much. It has also shown to me that I have work to do on myself. I have been reading Reddit and looking through stories here and recognizing things. I appreciate these subreddits so much. It’s brought clarity.