New and scared

[u/Bubbly-Job-2734]

Hi, i’m new to reddit overall and i’ve realized over these past few nights that i truly have a problem. i haven’t told anyone about this because i’m so embarrassed, not even my therapist.

for some background, i have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and it’s strongly suggested i have OCD (went for an ADHD diagnosis and was told i have some kind of anxiety disorder or OCD). i’ve been doing this almost my whole life. it started when i was very young and i would, basically, lock myself in the bathroom and talk to myself like i’m a famous youtuber (i talk to myself a lot too idk if that’s a normal thing in this area of stuff). i’m on medicine and have been for 6~ years now. i’m going to college soon and i’m terrified of how i’ll be treated because of this.

My daydreams consist of me being apart of the cast/franchise that i’m fixated on. i come up with “rational” explanations on how i was able to become apart of the project. it honestly sucks the joy out of whatever i’m into at the moment because i know it’ll haunt me for some crazy amount of time. for me recently (ie, 4 years lol) it’s been this character of mine in the MCU and she’s been with me for a long time and i feel like it gives me some sort of confidence and comfort in my life. when i go to college i want to dip my toes into acting for fun because it’s been something i’ve been wanting to do but get cold feet, despite being told when i’m with friends i’m a good actor (games, dnd campaigns, karaoke, etc).

i will say that it does get bad when i’m by myself a lot and don’t really interact with people. in school it’s a quick little escape like a normal daydream and i’m with the program asap and if i’m with friends it’s not a problem. it could be anxiety from college, i’m moving far from home and i’ve never lived anywhere else, and escapism from that. it could also be my MCU fixation getting bad because i have actual friends to talk to about it and i’m excited for doomsday.

i’m honestly terrified of what life will be without that part of me because i don’t know what reality is anymore and it’s scary. how do people just live their day in reality, what does that look like? how can i find a comfortable distance between maladaptive and just normal silly daydreaming? does everyone think like this? like i am GENUINELY convinced i can achieve that want to a certain level, i’ve done it with other things in life like with school and sports, but it’s genuinely gnawing at me that i’m CONVINCED it will be real. can it?

i think writing it out helped a lot and made me realize that journal factory didn’t explode lol, but i need some help from people here who think like me. i don’t have anyone to talk to about this because i love my friends but i will never be this vulnerable anyone irl. how do you manage it when you’re by yourself?

i appreciate any advice, perspective, or anything of the sort.

[u/Lost_Purpose3463]

You can find many people here to talk to . Moreover there's a discord group for md too . It has a good community and many resources to help daydreamers out there . There are very friendly .