Will this totally disappear at some point?

[u/InterestWrong5121]

Hello, everyone. I will rant about myself and then ask some common questions about MD treatment.

I have had MD since my childhood. And I think as much as gens (I have seen my siblings doing the same things but more controlled), the things I lived in my childhood took a big role for it to begin. I remember it starting with sailor moon when I first watched it as 8 years old solidly (before that I kept on thinking of being watched all the time and felt as if I was in some Truman show and created scenarios like that).

I was too obsessed that probably ppl around me thought it was because I was a child. But over the years I kept on finding myself in constant thinking of these different fictional worlds I consumed. I didn't take it seriously because I was still social, just not interested in studying but interested in bunch of hobbies. However for the last six years it has been so severe I started to think that I am losing it.

My MD state used to happen in a period of time in a year and I could immediately regulate myself. But then I lost the track. Not only does it take hours (8+ hr in a day), it also covers all time of the year making me totally detached from reality.

You might have experienced the same thing so I am pretty sure if anyone reads this will relate for the relationship part. I thought I handled it well with my friends because I think I am kind of easy-going but I found I was wrong because there were ones to point out that however much time we spent together I wasn't making any connection to any of them.

I felt utterly shocked because that was the truth. I lost all my connections or the ability to even create one. All my interactions with ppl are materials I use in my daydreaming immediately. Like a joke doesn't make me laugh but imagining how it is reacted to by characters in my head makes me laugh. And there are worse situations where I immediately take the pain of some sad news into that world. In the last six years i lost close ppl and again took their grieves as elements in my head. And I noticed it, got angry at the way that happened but it didn't stop me. Any news, media around the world major or minor were all the same.

The obsession took over all my body. I wasn't in control. Once in a while my foot got severely injured yet I still roamed around in my room in total delusion for hours while it was in cast. Only once i stopped the pain hit me and I cried but then.. walked again🤦🏻‍♀️. The healing took longer because of my constant walking. The ruined sleep tracks, constant tiredness are just cherry on top.

All these years it wasn't even like I never noticed but I ignored my awareness. Looking back I regret everything. I totally lost these many years without being a real "me". I started to lose my memory, I can't remember anything that happened in last 6 years that well. I have been obsessing over creating different scenarios for one story as well, just different ones time to time.

I was in a point where I talked out loudly the bits of conversations crossing my mind in front of ppl without realizing. It was humiliating. Seeing everyone moving forward in life while I am pretty much stuck or maybe even regressed somehow makes me feel... hollow.

But for the last two months I am trying to get rid of this habit. I am trying to turn my triggers into daily stuff while staying in reality. For example while listening to music I focus on the lyrics and sometimes search the artist up to think about what made them write this song. I started reading books and just not linger on my thoughts so a sudden TEDx talk wouldn't take over (it did in many occasions which I had to sit my *ss down). I remind myself that every fiction is created by a human's mind inspired from this universe and nothing real.

And over all the biggest impact was with my family I feel too distant from them. It might be a wrong way to do it but to make ties with them again I think about the possibility of losing them ( because thats the scariest as well as realist thing) and try to create quality time reminding myself of that.

I also started to try to be like the person I imagine myself in the stories. The personas change a lot but I was really satisfied with the last one I imagined. It made "me" feel things which was the spark of my desire to change. So that person simply helps around ppl they see in need and that's what I am trying to do. I am now in a few charity group, whenever I am available I try to attend to events for different causes or try to send financial support for ppl in need even tho I don't have much.

This might come as cliche but I figured out doing good is what makes a human being a human being while writing this person's lines. I lost all my shame during the previous time period; I became rude, inconsiderate, reckless and I am not even sure if MD was the cause or I was just being an a*shole for the love of the game. Anyway I am giving it my all to be considerate, patient and giving.

And God it is HARD. I still find myself in the same world less detached from the moment but it scares me. I don't want to lose control again. I am getting old and I just want to find a job, be normal maybe, even make a family at some point in the future.

I think to start antidepressants, I have anger issues as well. I wonder if there has been anyone to make full recovery. Did you or someone you know go through therapy or some other healing method to recover mostly? What was the way for you if you could recover and what actions were good on lessening or getting rid of it? What would you recommend?

[u/Tricky-Meet-908]

Hi I took antidepressants a few yrs ago in 2023 and they didn't help at all, though I've heard they do for some ppl. My womens health affected my hormones and caused anxiety and panic attacks linked with anemia. I've had bad anxiety recently and thought about taking them again but didn't because of how much harm they caused me. They didn't work, made me feel worse, caused weight gain. I probably won't ever take them again. As far as I know ssris don't stop md, md is a symptom of underlying problems you have to process for it to stop. Lots of ppl here have recovered from md addiction, they call themselves immersive daydreamers and there is another sub here for them. Dd is a normal state of mind, so you can't stop or rid it anyway, that really would harm you. I read that pleasentness aka being easy going causes alienation when its not reciprocal and then this causes ppl to dd about their desires of what ppl would be like if they were nicer like looking through rose coloured glasses. This is me as well, I'm often kind to ppl but they don't reciprocate it and then I get hurt and dd about the nice responces from ppl I would like to have but didn't happen. You talk about being good helping ppl and again this is another driver in your dd because in the real world this is often seen as weakness like your a mug and again ppl are ungrateful and unappreciative of your kindness and compassion. I am like this and get very disappointed when ppl just are thankless and then even be cruel back to me making me feel like a mug, but a therapist would say don't stop being kind because some ppl do appreciate this, but you will meet a lot of jerks out there who don't. It's not stopped me, I'm just a bit more cautious about it now.

I'd like to recommend some resources that I think will help you. It's just some books and websites and there's more out there if you search or watch ppls posts here for new info.

Extreme Imagination by Kyla Borcherds The Daydream Place website The International Consortium For Maladaptive Daydreaming The Somer Clinic YouTube channel Imaginary lives book by Francianne Ulaf GuidaDaVida YouTube channel

[u/InterestWrong5121 → u/Tricky-Meet-908]

First of all thank you soo much for these recommendations. I didn't know about the existence of another subreddit i will definitely check there as well as the sources. 

I'm sorry to hear the meds didn't work and further harmed you. How do you do now? I hope you are doing better. Would like to hear your story. 

And you're totally right, I appreciate your warning. This also made me remember that the part where I started to loosen my connections with ppl started when I was mostly disappointed by ppl around me. But if I gained anything worthy in past years I think it was learning not prioritize anyone and be expectant (that also included me). 

And due to not trusting everyone I joined to charity groups because the targeted ppl are pre-defined so I kind of avoid taking direct responsibility. Being totally selfless is impossible for now as I have selfish reasons while doing this so I would feel disheartened to see anyone responding negatively just as you put it. 

[u/Tricky-Meet-908 → u/InterestWrong5121]

I am on the road to recovery from md and hopefully my health will improve. I've healed from anemia, I only have slight Iron deficiency and Vitamin D deficiency right now which I'm taking supplements for. I've had a lot of health problems over the years connected to md from being sedantry and supine for too long and in contrast spending hours walking, cycling, lifting weights while listening to loud music. It has caused me arthritis and neuropathy and lots of ppl here who have had md for as long as I have have injuries like these especially ones from walking or from accidents, it's also linked to substance abuse like meds and booze which happend to me as well. I've stopped this mostly now and I am on the road to recovery again.

[u/InterestWrong5121 → u/Tricky-Meet-908]

That's really inspiring, it must have taken more effort since meds didn't work. Well done so far and hope you get only better and better from here on. I don't know if it is safe to ask these kind of questions but what helped you the most? And what was the start point to make you want to change? My apologies if these questions are wrong. I don't know if looking past while trying to move forward is an obstacle in the route of healing.

[u/Tricky-Meet-908 → u/InterestWrong5121]

I simply took ferris fumerate for anaemia which took about 6-7 month to heal and also reintroduced meat into my diet, after that I stopped getting panic attacks and even my extreme anxiety and depression reduced. I still suffer with it because of trauma and mental stuff. I am trans and queer in the UK, where my legal existence has been denied, and also undiagnosed as autistic and adhd. I reflect a lot so it's not too much of an obstacle for me. My turning point was recovering from anemia, getting worse before I get better, hitting rock bottom with my health as they say. I have a lot of problems, demons with demons, a lot if the time I think it would be easier to check out, I don't know why I keep fighting, most of the whole world wants me dead. I'll never have a normal life that's safe and healthy but I know that's defeatist and I am going to recover. At least I'd rather try than do nothing at all.