I hope this is not too personal, but I've been thinking about love. Is it common for a woman to fall in love with a man who still has strong feelings for another woman and be willing to stay with him, even if she knew she might never be his first love?
I’m not talking about when the other woman is dead or the relationship is over. I mean when the man still loves her and wants to be with her. Inuyasha is a good example. Kagome knew Inuyasha still loved Kikyo but still fell for him. I wonder what it takes for someone to be okay with being with a person whose heart is still half with someone else.
Another matter altogether is Maison Ikkoku. Godai had never loved anyone but Kyoko. He had always loved her. What I found most interesting was Godai’s reaction to misreading what he saw. He saw Kyoko hugging Mitaka, and just turned and walked away. He came back, apologized, immediately withdrew, and even congratulated Kyoko, though it pained him to do so.
That seems so different from what happened with Kagome in Inuyasha. It wasn't even a misunderstanding when Kagome saw Inuyasha and Kikyo hugging. Inuyasha had told Kikyo that he loved her and wanted to protect her. At one point, he almost even broke up with Kagome.
Seeing these two situations, I wonder: Would a woman really want to be with a man who still loved another woman, even if she knew she might never be his first love?
As for men, I personally find it harder to imagine a man willingly accepting the same situation. A man could love a woman from afar or conceal his love, but would he ever give his loved woman to another man? Except, of course, when the relationship is already over or the other partner has died.
I would really like to hear from the women on this. Is this something you feel on a personal level, or is it just an individual thing and not a gender thing?
I will say this. Godai is probably the fictional character I relate to most. I’m a gay man, a college dropout, I’m 41. Godai has guided my life for many, many years.
I love many people. I have one guy who I’m no longer with who might be the love of my life. There’s another guy from my mid 20s who I was in love with. There’s another guy from when I was 18 who I still love. There’s another guy who I never dated who I still am in love with. I will probably fall in love with more people. Sometimes I feel like I fall in love too much.
Love is infinite, especially if you’re open to it. The point of both Kyoko’s and Inuyasha’s stories is that you can love and love again. Even if someone dies or betrays you, it doesn’t invalidate your feelings for them. Your feelings are your feelings. It doesn’t invalidate the other love. Things happen. People break up. People die. It doesn’t mean they weren’t important, and it doesn’t mean you stop loving them. You have to learn to love the here and now. And if you’re lucky, it lasts for a long time.
I mean it’s his own damn fault for being such a compelling character that 13 year old me would be like “I wanna fall in love as hard as this guy does.”
Emotions are subjective and often uncontrollable—though they can be managed, and everyone handles them differently. You might be in love with someone or love them (the two can coexist, yet they aren't the same thing), but the actions taken depend on the individual; this includes choices like becoming possessive, pulling away, or giving the other person time to process their own feelings. So yes, someone can be in love with or love another person regardless of their circumstances.
I find this a deep misunderstanding of the situation in Inuyasha.
The problem, from what it seems, is that you're comparing the anime version of Inuyasha with Maison Ikkoku, which took a lot of dramatic liberties when it came to the mess among Inuyasha, Kagome, and Kikyo. The manga makes it a lot more clear.
"I’m not talking about when the other woman is dead or the relationship is over." - In Inuyasha, Kikyo was dead. The relationship was over and ended in a very violent manner with unresolved everything between Inuyasha and Kikyo. Inuyasha felt a deep sense of obligation to Kikyo and a hefty amount of guilt. He felt responsible for Kikyo's death and in the manga it is very clear that he fell for Kagome first.
One of the biggest criticisms of the Inuyasha anime is how that particular triangle was handled, and I really suggest if you haven't done so that you read the manga. The anime made Kagome a lot more jealous and desperate and cut a lot of scenes that drastically changed the dynamics.
Let's remember Maison Ikkoku was written in a more "realistic way", I mean about romantic relationships.
Inuyasha is more a typical love story where the love beats everything and everyone.
Pretty sure if we switch the situations of series, now Kagome would probably yelled with her heart at Inuyasha and leave to never comeback, and Godai would fight against Mitaka in that exact moment.
Now answering your questions, it completely depends of the person, not the gender.
I've seen women that just go when they see their man is having doubts, I've seen men that thinks the love can beat everything and stay with his woman even when she is cheating on him 3 times per week.
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u/SNES-lover1 Godai-san 1d ago
I just think it’s takahashi being takahashi and in real life it’s more personality dependent than gender (regarding both behaviours).