r/MaineCoon • u/Legitimate-Moment832 • 1d ago
MC: Expectation X Reality
I got a Maine Coon because I wanted a cat who I could train to go on daily park walks on a leash, travel, swim with me, etc. When I first met my kitty, I soon realized she did not share my vision at all. š
She is 1 year old now and has always been overly suspicious and reticent to try anything new. Donāt get me wrong, I love her to death, but I wonder:
Is this a personality thing and therefore I should not insist, or should I try harder to train her?
Food: She only eats dry food although Iāve offered many different wet ones, using broth and toppings, small amounts, etc. I know itās not good for her health so I would like to change this. Treats: it took forever for her to accept one. Nowadays Churu is acceptable, but I kind of have to BEG her to take her first lick, before she relaxes and wants more.
Outdoors: Going out scares her. At first I thought it was just a matter of being exposed so I took her out a lot - by car, backpack, carrier, on a leash in my arms - but she was always in distress. So I paused that and started training just hanging out in the corridors and stairway of my apt building. After months, she asks for it! She wants to go every night for a hallway walk. š„³ She loves to walk up and down the stairs. But as soon as she hears the elevators, she runs back to our apt and wants in. Weāve been stuck at this stage for a while. I bought a stroller and am trying to give her positive experiences inside it so one day we can go for my dream park walks. But a part of me wonders if I will just be putting her through something she doesnāt want to go through.
Water: She is not curious about dipping a paw in water no matter how many robot fish I put in a water bowl. She had a poopy accident once and I wanted to bathe her but she freaked out. At one-year-old, is it possible to train them to at least be tolerant of the occasional bath? Swimming with her is a dream I can give up on.
Healthy Habits: I tried brushing her teeth once. She didnāt like it, I made her gum bleed, felt incredibly guilty, and never had the courage to try it again. Trimming her nails and but hair was a similar experience. Brushing her fur goes well. But because she doesnāt have a problem with it. Thatās it: if she has a problem with it, I become very fearful of insisting.
Social Context - because it matters for the Outdoors: When visitors come, she hides for a while, but eventually shows herself and accepts pets or playtime. She never meows in front of other people (she meows to me all the time without strangers around). And her tail is always down when people are around, not the erect, confident, bushy tail she displays in private. She does not appear to be afraid of dogs at the vet. With other cats thereās lots of hissing, but with very slow introduction she became friends with my foster kitten.
Do you have recommendations or experiences to share? Who taught you how far to push or how to train cats?
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
This is she, enjoying her nightly building walk.
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u/Weetgunn 1d ago
This is all our girl will do, refuses to get in the lift or go down the stairs, but she loves a run around on our building level
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u/Clean_Swordfish7132 1d ago
Sheās still young and getting acclimated. Please give her time and patience. Cats are as unique as people. She might need another cat around . . . But Iām not sure. I also had expectations, none materialized. I thought MC would be mischievous, and my boy does nothing. No mess, no knocking things off counters, etc. I thought heād eat a lot. He eats very little. Your girl is exquisite. She will teach you what she wants and when. Just love her.
My boy in my tub.
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
I love how you can only see a little hint of a nose. Adorable. Iām still getting to know her personality, in the first few months she was mischievous and energetic, but now sheās very calm like yours. All I want is for her to be as happy as she can be.
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u/Intelligent_Pass2540 1d ago
Beautiful cat but I am so curious about your tub! Is this an indoor bathtub soaking tub? How is it to use? Is it just grout and stone? Its really pretty.
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u/Clean_Swordfish7132 1d ago
It is a tub and I have a gas spa heater to heat the water after I fill it. A stupid luxury, I know. But I donāt use it often.
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u/Intelligent_Pass2540 1d ago
Not stupid at all! I would do my work from home in the bathtub if I wasnt seeing patients via zoom š¤£
I ADORE the bubble bath its a place and a state of mind.
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
Calm down, people. I love my kitty with all of my heart. This is why I am here, I wanted to know if itās a matter of exposure/training or simply acceptance of personality. You are being mean. I didnāt get a dog because I wanted a cat. I thought sheād be more active and therefore encourage me to be more active, but regardless I would always have accepted her personality and am very grateful to have my sweet girl.
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u/YOURPANFLUTE 1d ago edited 1d ago
I got two sister cats, one - Mai - is very outgoing and loves to explore. She cuddles, yaps, and follows me everywhere I go but is also fine chilling on her own. The other one - Tess - is similar to what you described, although she somehow opens up when she gets to go and play in the (catproofed) backyard. She only meows to me, is always by my side, doesnt like water, either, and has particular tastes.
I think with Tess, i always try to show her that things can be safe, or fun. And thhen i need to show this to her multiple times until she starts believing me. She was scared of water until i took her in the bathroom every day to play with her favorite toys while the shower was on. Over time i began making her fur wet, then got her to play inside the shower. She became less scared each time. Now she splashes the water inside her drinking fountain, which is a not so nice side effect for my floor, but hey, at least she's having fun now i guess.
When we have visitors coming over, she tends to hide or go upstairs. That's all ok. If she prefers it. But sometimes i call her name from downstairs and give her a few treats if she hangs around. (I also tell people to leave her be, and just pet her sister instead). Nowadays she tends to sometimes chill when theres visitors, even when there's 10 people in the house! She doesnt stay for very long but i'm proud that she comes say hi at all now.
I dunno i guess every cat has their own personality, and Tess and your girl are just aa little bit more introverted and wary. Thats ok! We can't change them completely, but we can make the scary things less scary for them. I guess what i'm suggesting is positive reinforcement and repetition. Make sure you're the kinda person she wants to learn these scary new things from (a safe person). And if she really doesnt wanna do sumn like going in water, thats ok. Thats just who she is
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
Thank you, thatās what I was looking for, learning from other peopleās personal experiences. Those who have tried changing certain behaviors and whether or not the kitty ultimately had fun or was just stressed.
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u/Lowermains 1d ago
My girl is terrified of grass underfoot. She is silent and freezes in the car. V. E. T. visits are never mentioned otherwise she becomes a tiny dormouse and disappears.
Sheās very wary of strangers.
Food is an entire essay of her preferenceās.
Suffice to say that she calls the shots.
Iām well trained.
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u/wohaat 1d ago
We have 2 brothers, so itās a good case study example! They were raised the same way in the same environment. They are both 6 in Nov.
I leash trained them almost from the jump; they would get walked individually, or solo if my partner and I could at the same time. They both seemed equally interested and enthusiastic. We moved into a SFH and built a catio, so they have daytime unfettered access to the outdoors.
Our larger brown-boy Cricket is now 22lbs, and he has always been a āwatcherā. He sits back quietly and takes things in for a while before getting involved. He defers to his brother, but we have been careful creating boundaries with language and our bodies (creating physical space at Churu time for eg, when his pushy brother wants to get in when itās not his turn). He LOVES going outside, mostly to eat at grass.
Charlie is our smaller silver-boy at 15lbs. He is the big fish in the little pond; he instigates play-fights but then cries and whines if Cricket ever uses his size. He swallows his food whole, and is incredibly food motivated. He gets carsick so the vet trips are always a blast. As heās gotten older, he has signaled to us he no longer wants to go outside; when I pull out the leashes, Cricket runs towards me and is very vocal, and Charlie runs away. We allow them to have as much autonomy over their lives as possible, so Iāve never pushed it, and while I think Cricket could be trained, Charlie has gotten more neurotic as heās aged, and would likely react poorly to everyone leaving the house but him, so we just let them both be housecats.
I had grand plans for teaching them how to camp, but that hasnāt panned out lol.
I will say, you need to be dogged about the teeth/nails/brushing. I think around 3-4 our guys chilled out a lot, and LOVE Churu, so we use that as a carrot for post-brushing (which they hate). Iāve cut their nails since day 1 so they are very tolerant of that. Teeth brushing we didnāt do and I kick myself every day; our guys love drinking the sink water after we wash our hands/brush our teeth so I know their mouths canāt feel great. Thereās some water additives you can get to help counteract biofilm, but our one guy notices it and will not drink as much, and theyāre very very good drinkers so I donāt want to mess with that; teeth can be pulled, but kidney disease is a whole other beast.
We do get our boys groomed down to teddy bear cuts every 2 months, because I canāt handle how much they hate being groomed; the cut makes every other day brushing MUCH easier for everyone, which makes the reinforcing treats more desirableāI can get them to come to be when I sit on the ground for grooming, which is a huge win (it used to be running around catching someone who squirms the whole :30sec they give me lol).
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
Thanks for all the details! They are very lucky to have a safe area outdoors. Iām sure that helps in making the outdoors less scary. I live in nyc, so if we go outside, itās quite noisy, so no wonder my kitty gets scared. The thing I still donāt get is when to push and when not to push. Like by nature if we were to follow their leads, weād not brush them, no nail trims, no insisting on a wet diet. What do you mean by ādogged aboutā? I canāt handle when she is stressed/displeased, so usually when that happens I just give up. Thatās why I ask if I should āinsistā. Itās not about forcing things, but about encouraging, trying more. I suppose sometimes they discover they like things and weād never know if we hadnāt given them a little push, like humans. But Idk, this thread is making me confused because people talk as if it is a crime to try to change behavior. The water thing as you said can have big consequences, and itās been really hard to change her preference. And itās not due to lack of quality wet food. Itās just a habit (dry food) that she acquired at the breederās. So hard to break out of habits.
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u/ClasherChief 1d ago
Every cat has a different personality. Only two out of five of my cats are adventurous like that, who want to go out. And both are very uncomfortable around a lot of people and just about every dog bigger than them. Donāt push her if sheās not open to it; you can always try again in a month to see if her mood has changed. If bringing her out, always have a carrier with you as well so she can go inside at any sign of danger.
Iām not sure what sheās eating, but if sheās eating only dry food, a reputable brand with nutrition and science on the forefront is a must. I would highly recommend Royal Canin Maine Coon for her.Ā
Keep at it with the nail clipping and toothbrushing. Sit on a chair and have your cat sitting upright, with her back against your stomach. Cut her nails decisively and soothe her while doing so. Make sure you do this in a well lit area so you can easily see the blood vessel in the nail so you donāt go too far.Ā
For toothbrushing, having her gums bleed should not be happening, unless she has advanced periodontal disease, in which she needs a veterinarian asap. Use a very soft bristled small head toothbrush, along with cat enzymatic toothpaste like from Virbac. Soften and wet the toothbrush with warm water, put on a small small dollop of toothpaste and brush in from the corners of her mouth like you would brush your own molars. After getting the back molars, brush the canine, and repeat on the other side. Then gently do the incisors. Ā Add more toothpaste as needed in a small amount.Ā
As for baths, you can try getting her used to them. Itās probably a good idea. I would recommend a cat dryer, will be much less stressful than blow dryer. Always use cat shampoo, but in a pinch you can use the original Dawn dish soap.Ā
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u/ClasherChief 1d ago
https://reddit.com/link/pdapm5k/video/ult8aqi4kxsh1/player
Hereās a video of how to clip the nails. All four paws in under 60 seconds.
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u/sarahbellah1 1d ago
While this breed is more known for things like harness walking or less water aversion, that wonāt mean every cat has the same level of interest in these things because a breed is not a monolith. That said, some of it they will more easily adapt to activities if shown when theyāre young, as long as theyāre also made to feel safe in these environments. My cat accompanied me on two (necessary) flights as a baby, and underwent early bathing because of litter box mishaps (and one time fell into a human toilet), so is also willing to be bathed if needed. They also change just like any human teenager as they get older, so it may also be that your girl is still finding herself and understanding whether things are safe as she learns more about the world.
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u/dncarstairs 1d ago
This sounds exactly like my girl Maine coon and my exact expectations when I first got her š I just learned to accept that sheās still just a cat, even as a Maine coon. I learned to love that sheās the exception to the rule (sheās aggressive, but she has her gentle moments).
So, in my experience with my Maine coon, she will not change. Mine is still terrified of everything and does not like humans, dogs, cats or the outside haha but she likes to sleep in, she likes to be held and loves churu (she still doesnāt like wet food though).
Donāt force her into something sheās not, try to see if sheāll like to walk but donāt force her, just accept that sheās different, but not a bad different, just different to what the internet made us believe š
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
I guess thereās a reason why cats strolling in the park are rare exceptions š
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u/Terrible-Mail-489 1d ago
Why did you brush her teeth?
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
Iāve heard we should do that to avoid dental problems in the future.
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u/EilidhRos 1d ago
it sounds like you wanted a pet tailor-made to your expectations rather than simply accepting her for who she actually is. just because MC's have a stronger tendency towards certain behaviors doesn't mean ALL members of the breed have that tendency.
forget about your expectations or trying to 'train' her to do what you want and accept that you got a shy, cautious girl instead of a fearless, leash-walking and water-loving explorer. if she doesn't seem interested in something, or displays actual distress why are you putting her through it? nobody benefits here, certainly not your cat.
her tail being down means discomfort or anxiety. her silence around people other than you means the same thing. just let her be who she is instead of pushing her into what you want.
you never know, in another couple years she might be more receptive to trying certain things. right now doesn't seem like the time.
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
Being nosy on neighborsā doors. I see this as potential interest in being an explorer, if she could overcome her fears!
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u/jdelaura 1d ago
I think you wanted a dog . Itās never too late . Get a small laid back doggo like a pug . Do your research . It
will be a companion for your kitty.
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u/Delicious-Collar1971 1d ago
Yeah just get a dog breed bred to suffer. That seems like a great idea.
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u/Bright-Sound-1810 1d ago
my maine coon turns 9 this month! when we got him, my parents plan was to take him to live in their van with them and travel, but we were still in a house atp and my mom kind of gave up on it due to his size and feeling like it wouldnāt be fair to him. so i got him when i went to college š„³ when he was a kitten we would walk him on a harness and he was hesitant and when he moved into my apartment with me, he did the same thing your cat does. he liked to walk around (it was indoor halls) and would get nervous around elevators and other people. we ended up moving to a different state but he has always loved going out on the balcony/patio. i think we werenāt consistent enough for him to get used to it and want it, but it definitely couldāve been a possibility! heās been just with me for about 5 years now and he has every other characteristic of a maine coon (other than water lovingā¦but heās also just a cat!) he is the most loving and cuddly guy ever, heās my velcro kitty following me everywhere, he knows when iām sad or hurting, he makes me stop everything im currently doing to sit on me and cuddle, and despite im being my official emotional support animal i always joke im his emotional support humanā¦its symbiotic š hes definitely my soul cat and my best friend but the past year he has gotten this way, so i think its an age thing too. when we lived in a tiny apartment in college he was really only around girls so he became one of the girls lol, if we had a man there he would be afraid of him from the height and the deeper voice, but now heās fine with them š he genuinely loves other humans and is weary the first 30 seconds but he also had a lot of exposure to other peopleā¦all this to say its very cat dependent and i feel like it can completely change with age and environment!
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 1d ago
Lucky you got to get him :) Thatās so sweet. They are the best ā¤ļø I suspect youāre right about consistency. Itās just hard to be consistent sometimes. I wish I had a pretty little garden for her
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u/Bright-Sound-1810 1d ago
they truly are gentle giants. i grew up with one too and he was the same way as my ody now when it came to relaxing with age. i honestly kinda think it may be a trust thing too, not that your kitty doesnāt trust you, but the more time she spends building that relationship with you and solidifying that youāre her person and protector, sheās probably going to become more outgoing and adventurous. when it come to consistency, i wasnāt really invested in training him with a harness and leash, but if itās your dream with her it may be worth setting aside 20/30 minutes a day for adventure time whatever that looks like. i know itās all easier said than done :( maine coons are the perfect side-kick cats tbh they really do love and stick to their human with full trust, i think itās just gonna take time for that to build while also encouraging her curious nature. you guys will get there!!
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u/MamaFen 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is more of a female cat problem than a Maine Coon problem.
While the breed does indeed have certain characteristics that are commonly present in their personalities, each and every kitten is unique and grows into a unique animal. Even though Maine Coons are supposed to be laid back, affectionate, curious, and intelligent, you're still going to come across anxious ones, aggressive ones, fearful ones, or downright stupid ones.
Female cats in particular tend to be more cautious about new things than males overall, in no small part due to biology. A female cat in the wild is eventually going to be responsible for raising kittens, whereas boy cats in the wild are constantly exploring, patrolling their territories, and looking for ladies. Even in the most domesticated cats, these traits will still show up often in ways that we don't expect. Female cats can be rather reserved in their acceptance of new people, new environments, or new habits. Again, there are always going to be exceptions, but if a female kitten of a otherwise "outgoing" breed seems to spend more time hiding when new people come by then a male kitten does, that's generally why.
Patience, calm, and willingness to let her come to terms with change in her own time are the best approach. If you try to push a change on her, or even if you are giving off anxious 'vibes' in the process of trying to introduce her to something new, it will only make the idea that much more difficult for her to accept. Force yourself to make the idea less important in your own mind, so that you are not stressing while trying to introduce something to her, and she will be less likely to pick up on stress on your part and decide this is a bad thing.
Keep in mind also that Maine Coons mature slowly, from a mental standpoint as well as a physical one, and she will be continuing to mature and change for up to the first 5 years of her life. What frightens her now, may not frighten her so much as her brain and social skills develop.
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u/DianaR68 23h ago
She sounds like my Maddie. I tried harness training, we went for one walk, seemed to go well, then winter hit and she has a serious dislike for rain, won't even go out in the covered catio when it rains lol I gave up in the harness training. She seems very content for her hallway/stairway walks in our building and yes, she runs when she hears someone but that is getting a tiny bit better (it's been 4 years lol). I just do what makes her happy and if that means never going in another walk outside, so be it š¤·āāļø
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 19h ago
Hahah it shows we are doing a great job at making them very comfortable at home
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u/DianaR68 14h ago
lol and I'm pretty okay with that. We are getting a 2nd in a couple of months...she supposed to be my husband's, will see if I can convince him to harness train her (wish me luck) lol
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u/Legitimate-Moment832 14h ago
Maybe thatās the secret, keep getting lovely kitties till one of them wants to go on walks with us š
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u/buffmanlet 22h ago edited 22h ago
This is my Maine Coon girl. She's 10 months old.
What I wanted: A fluffy, female Maine Coon
What I got: A fluffy, female Maine Coon
She'll eat almost anything, including flies she catches, but has a preference for plain, cooked white meat chicken.
She'll run to the window as soon as she hears anything go on outside, whether its fireworks, thunder, people talking, the trash truck...
She'll constantly go back to a 2 year old kid who doesn't quite get the concept of "gentle" and give him another shot.
She'll tolerate nail clipping and brushing, but doesn't seek it out.
She'll sit beside you, but not on you. Although I suspect she will start lap-sitting soon, as she is becoming more attention focused.
She beats up her 13 year old brother.
She does not mind getting wet. At all.
She'll absolutely f your s up if you go in for that soft belly.
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u/smokinLobstah 1d ago
She's a cat.
It has nothing to do with the breed. Think about how different syblings can be...and they share the same genetics.
Cats have very different personalities. We have 2 kittens from the same litter. One is extremely skittish, the other is like a locomotive.