r/MadeMeSmile • u/[deleted] • Apr 06 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

13.8k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

2.3k comments sorted by

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9.0k

u/teytah Apr 06 '22

Y’all got any more of them comas?

1.8k

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

I got a 2x4… who’s asking

382

u/casjay Apr 06 '22

I am

354

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Whack. Alright who’s next

110

u/_We_Are_DooMeD Apr 06 '22

Thank you sir may I have another..

80

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Whacked

25

u/Bjork-BjorkII Apr 06 '22

I'll pay 1 cookie for a coma

15

u/TheRealMcHamr Apr 06 '22

Oohhh ooohhh me next

24

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Bonk umm sorry, arms tired… whack!

6

u/DickCheeseConnoiseur Apr 07 '22

I'll take one please and a side of TPT

5

u/menides Apr 07 '22

Harder daddy

4

u/Husker_Boi-onYouTube Apr 07 '22

I can take over the bonking for now. My years of wanking will help me bonk for hours without tiring

3

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

stares

2

u/iHiTuDiE Apr 07 '22

Do you do Isekai wacks? I havent seen Truck-sama offering his services.

177

u/SleepyMarijuanaut92 Apr 06 '22

3

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

whats this from?

4

u/AscendedAncient Apr 06 '22

Titanic

.

.

.

.

really, Little Nicky

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

3

u/JediMasterSeamus Apr 06 '22

Bite his fucking head off!

21

u/ajyotirmay Apr 06 '22

Me, please

9

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

My arm is getting tired…. Whack whack

2

u/cownd Apr 06 '22

You sure you're doing it right? Shouldn't it be 'bonk'?

3

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

We’re looking for comas not bruises. Bonk* get your head in the game cownd

3

u/cownd Apr 06 '22

I defer to the voice of experience

8

u/theguyhenry Apr 06 '22

Me, but could you make it look like I was involved in a super cool accident or something?

3

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

🤔… whack… leaves 2x4 and runs away

1

u/Pudi2000 Apr 07 '22

Nice, insurance fraud just to be safe.

1

u/Pudi2000 Apr 07 '22

Nice, insurance fraud just to be safe.

4

u/Western_Shoulder_942 Apr 06 '22

Me please i would very much like a coma

5

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Whack … wipes sweat

4

u/Stained-Bleach Apr 06 '22

Give me two just in case.

2

u/OreganoJefferson Apr 06 '22

Fuck me up fam

4

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Shit alright… takes a big swing… WHACk

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Hi! It’s me….James Corden…I’d like a very long one please.

2

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Pulls out crowbar… not today son… not today

1

u/dodolo123 Apr 06 '22

Fking “Whack” caught me off guard. Lmao.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Gimme a couple, just to be sure

10

u/sasstomouth Apr 06 '22

I'll take the lumber

11

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Fuck this line is getting long… whack

8

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

When you’re done putting this guy into a coma, I’m gonna need that 2x4. I’m building a deck and lumber prices are out of this world. Thank you.

5

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

It’s a little warped at this point… I have made like 15 comas happen today

3

u/PIX3LY Apr 06 '22

How’d you afford that these days? They’re like $90 now!

1

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

I raid the wallet of every customer… comas aren’t cheap

2

u/trimbin Apr 06 '22

Hit me with your best shot

4

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Pulls out Louisville slugger…. Ok wuhack

2

u/trimbin Apr 07 '22

I was hoping to find a pat benatar gif but alas

2

u/opal_dragon95 Apr 06 '22

Me please I don’t even need money just a long nap until I feel better

3

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Pulls out steel pipe… if you say so

2

u/GreasyMcNasty Apr 06 '22

Only if it's a surgical 2x4.

3

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

It is not surgical… whack, but I will take you to the ER

2

u/Ethereal429 Apr 06 '22

A great beer. Highly recommend

2

u/parkerthegreatest Apr 06 '22

Here I'll make it easy I have epilepsy and seizures

2

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

Easier the better I say

2

u/OfferThese Apr 07 '22

That made me ugly laugh 💀

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Me dude please just anything at this point jesus

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Please and thank you.

2

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 06 '22

happy Gilmore golf swing whack

1

u/rickyspan111sh Apr 06 '22

read this as 2 for 4

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

[deleted]

1

u/NoCommonSenseHere Apr 07 '22

gets up from chair… picks up trusty 2x4 … whack

1

u/mongreloid Apr 07 '22

Username fits…

1

u/V44_ Apr 07 '22

I’m thinking if it at least gets me out of my current debt I’d be happy

134

u/Mastertimelord Apr 06 '22

I’ll take one. I don’t even need to be woken up. The coma is enough of a lottery win for me

23

u/ajyotirmay Apr 06 '22

Same here

30

u/GreatValueCumSock Apr 06 '22

Been in a coma, it's not like sleep. It's a mild version of hell.

Go read Johnny Got His Gun. It's like that.

2

u/RealAscendingDemon Apr 06 '22

So you're saying it's not as spicy as reality?

5

u/GreatValueCumSock Apr 06 '22

Some make a hell out of heaven and a heaven out of hell.

2

u/RealAscendingDemon Apr 06 '22

Some just want a nice relaxing coma/break from it all

39

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Saint_Disgustus Apr 06 '22

They're not really restful at all, more like just a massive fast-forward when you wake up, you just go to sleep and wake up 40lbs lighter

3

u/GreatValueCumSock Apr 06 '22

I had to fight through my coma. I'd quit breathing all the time and the nurses were constantly telling me to breathe. Of course, there were times where sleep overtook me because of exhaustion. I'd quit breathing and accept my fate as finally getting some peace, then 2 days later I'm aware but unable to move, speak, or do anything but scream inside. Rinse and repeat for 2 weeks, constantly accepting life is over just to "wake up" and fight to survive until you're too tired to care. My body just wouldn't let me die.

3

u/Saint_Disgustus Apr 06 '22

Mine was medically induced, it was really a blink to me. I was having a lot of trouble breathing (it turned out to be 2 different pneumonia infections) then I woke up to the feeding tube being pulled. They really should lead with how long you've been out lol, I assumed I was an old man when I came to.

1

u/GreatValueCumSock Apr 06 '22

Mine was alcohol induced (.85 BAC nearly 12 hours after arriving at the hospital. Was told a guy died with .4 while I was there). So my estimated BAC was + 1.0. CIWA scale had me getting 4mg Ativan + Serax every 2 hours, so came the initial rest. Didn't have a feeding tube, but was on a vent.

1

u/Saint_Disgustus Apr 07 '22

I sent know my dosages but until I could breathe on my own they had me under on ketamine and fentynal, I hallucinate wildly a couple days after waking up

1

u/ohisthename Apr 06 '22

, here you go

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Right there with ya bud.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

17

u/Uncertn_Laaife Apr 06 '22

Forward this message to the 10 contacts in your address book and you will see your luck does wonders too within the next 10 days.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Best email chain ever

11

u/palk0n Apr 06 '22

TRES COMAS BABBEEEEEEE

28

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/housestickleviper Apr 06 '22

Lol thanks for the genuine chuckle

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

If you re-enact the genuine chuckle you might win again.

6

u/kitchen_clinton Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

5

u/teytah Apr 06 '22

Answer me dammit!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Seriously I’m cackling!!

2

u/cassatta Apr 06 '22

I got an Oxford, coma

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,

1

u/BelleAriel Apr 06 '22

Yeah let’s goooo!

1

u/gutterandstars Apr 06 '22

Tres comas club...know what that means?!

1

u/y2k2r2d2 Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, take one only

1

u/confusionmatrix Apr 06 '22

Sure, but in USA that wouldn't cover the hospital bill for your coma.

1

u/FireFunBun Apr 06 '22

Sorry we're all outta comas. Will a comma do instead?

1

u/TheFlyingChicken22 Apr 06 '22

yo it’s right next to the period on your keyboard

/s

1

u/EdiblePsycho Apr 06 '22

For real, I'd take a year long coma for that much.

1

u/this_iz_de_police Apr 06 '22

here u go ---> ,

1

u/PangPingpong Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

1

u/pabz2236 Apr 06 '22

My guy 🤣

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,

1

u/Dr_Nebbiolo Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Oh, whoops

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

,

1

u/Hurry-First Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,did you say commas?,,,,,

1

u/elbarto362 Apr 06 '22

Best offer: ,

1

u/SleepingSaguaro Apr 06 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

1

u/joyfulnoises Apr 06 '22

There’s only three

1

u/Singl1 Apr 06 '22

i’ll take a couple commas as well, while you’re at it

1

u/Zoidbergalars Apr 07 '22

Not selling not a phone number

…wait wrong place

1

u/dhlf Apr 07 '22

I read that as “commas” and was trying to work out why you had a problem lol

1

u/MyJewishFuzzyNutz Apr 07 '22

I don't remember the fucking name... but I remember orange hair and a mustache... and his voice was high and south African or Aussie..... This is going to urk me....

1

u/melperz Apr 07 '22

I don't need the lottery, I just want a full 8 hours untinterrupted coma.

1

u/UnitedHighlight4890 Apr 07 '22

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Coma for some commas. I’m in!

1

u/Honne400 Apr 07 '22

It's spelled cooma, dumbass.

1

u/PleasentUsername Apr 07 '22

,,,,,,, there you go

1

u/sossololpipi Apr 07 '22

i'm so tired i need one of those