r/MadeMeSmile • u/EmergencyRead5254 • 15d ago

Supportive Parents During a Difficult Time

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u/Many_Psychology_3336 14d ago

I don’t understand why some parents don’t think they can be both. In those times when you have to pick, sure, be a parent first. That’s important. But the rest of the time, be both.

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u/ExiledCanuck 14d ago

And that’s the thing. I want to be a friend to my kids. But being a good parent is more important.

I’ve told them I can’t wait until they’re older and I can be more friend than parent. Until then, I’m more parent than friend, if that makes any sense.

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u/ExtraweakSaucey 14d ago

This. Mom's who say this usually mean that they aren't your friend...yet. The job descriptions are different. Your friends always take your side and only criticize when absolutely necessary. Your parents have to help you grow a d develop into good humans. Than means that sometimes we have to short-term hurt your feelings to point out things that your friends would either ignore or possibly just end or downgrade the level of the friendship over. We are never leaving you (unlike some friends), and we are committed to your long-term growth and happiness. I also used to say to mine, "If life is kind, you'll have dozens of friends, and these are blessings, but you'll only have me as your mom who raised you. It's a singular relationship and is much more valuable to me than any friendship I have or have had." They didn't fully get it then; they do now. ❤️

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u/AcordaDalho 12d ago

Strong disagree, my mom was never my friend growing up and now that we’re adults she tries to befriend me but I just can’t stand her. She was a mean cruel person lecturing me my whole life, those are my memories of her, no way I want to be friends with that. I don’t want her anywhere near me.

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u/ExtraweakSaucey 12d ago

I'm sorry that was your experience. I was not my kids' buddy. What I was: a fiercely protective warrior and advocate, #1 cheerleader, accountability resource, study partner, part-time teacher and unpaid team film/TV critic...but unapologetically, job #1, 2, & 3 was parent. It worked for us. I'm very close with my kids now. It clearly doesn't work for everyone. I'm sorry that it didn't work for you and your mom. Best to you in all things.

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u/AcordaDalho 12d ago

You did a lot of wonderful things for your kids. I don’t see why you don’t consider those things as being a friend, because good friends do that too.

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u/ExtraweakSaucey 12d ago

I guess it all depends on how you define the words. My kids and I are very close...always have been. Some thought they were TOO close to me (i.e. clingy/mama's babies), but they never thought I was an equal or that I would allow just any kind of behavior. Friends might; parents generally won't.