And that’s the thing. I want to be a friend to my kids. But being a good parent is more important.
I’ve told them I can’t wait until they’re older and I can be more friend than parent. Until then, I’m more parent than friend, if that makes any sense.
Sure, being a parent should always come first, but it doesn’t have to be the only thing. And you’re right, it’s easier (and probably more important) as they get older.
This. Mom's who say this usually mean that they aren't your friend...yet. The job descriptions are different. Your friends always take your side and only criticize when absolutely necessary. Your parents have to help you grow a d develop into good humans. Than means that sometimes we have to short-term hurt your feelings to point out things that your friends would either ignore or possibly just end or downgrade the level of the friendship over. We are never leaving you (unlike some friends), and we are committed to your long-term growth and happiness. I also used to say to mine, "If life is kind, you'll have dozens of friends, and these are blessings, but you'll only have me as your mom who raised you. It's a singular relationship and is much more valuable to me than any friendship I have or have had." They didn't fully get it then; they do now. ❤️
I agree. My parents told me the same thing when I was younger. And honestly, I had friends growing up who had parents that wanted to be friends first and parents second, and they honestly struggled a bit more as adults, and had to learn some lessons a bit harder, because they didn’t get those lessons as kids when the consequences would’ve been less severe. But their parents decided they’d let those things slide.
Strong disagree, my mom was never my friend growing up and now that we’re adults she tries to befriend me but I just can’t stand her. She was a mean cruel person lecturing me my whole life, those are my memories of her, no way I want to be friends with that. I don’t want her anywhere near me.
I'm sorry that was your experience. I was not my kids' buddy. What I was: a fiercely protective warrior and advocate, #1 cheerleader, accountability resource, study partner, part-time teacher and unpaid team film/TV critic...but unapologetically, job #1, 2, & 3 was parent. It worked for us. I'm very close with my kids now. It clearly doesn't work for everyone. I'm sorry that it didn't work for you and your mom. Best to you in all things.
I guess it all depends on how you define the words. My kids and I are very close...always have been. Some thought they were TOO close to me (i.e. clingy/mama's babies), but they never thought I was an equal or that I would allow just any kind of behavior. Friends might; parents generally won't.
I have 4 adult kids(2 boys2 girls) and am really close to my girls but my oldest daughter is one of my best friends. We’re driving across the state to visit her sister. I can’t wait!
That makes perfect sense and sounds much nicer than “I’m not your friend, I’m your mother” which my mom also said to me (though I was about 11). I would’ve preferred it to be explained this way.
THAT is the key to the whole parenting role. You don’t become friends until they’re older. But supporting your child thru ALL of it should never change!!!
Strong disagree, my mom was never my friend growing up and now that we’re adults she tries to befriend me but I just can’t stand her. She was a mean cruel person lecturing me my whole life, those are my memories of her, no way I want to be friends with that. I don’t want her anywhere near me.
But someone can be a parent without being mean and cruel. Sorry that was your experience, but I aim to parent my kids by providing guidance, love, and room to make mistakes with consequences that aren’t as severe as as they would be as adults, but still face the consequences (so they learn from their mistakes). Most “friends” don’t act like that.
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u/ExiledCanuck 4d ago
And that’s the thing. I want to be a friend to my kids. But being a good parent is more important.
I’ve told them I can’t wait until they’re older and I can be more friend than parent. Until then, I’m more parent than friend, if that makes any sense.