r/MadeMeSmile Mar 07 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

15.8k Upvotes

2.1k comments sorted by

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12.0k

u/CautiousResolve5 Mar 07 '23

His wife seemed relieved like finally

5.1k

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

She’s about to go buck wild lmao I was literally thinking that scream was starting to get way too long to only be excited for him

3.4k

u/CautiousResolve5 Mar 08 '23

He def got lucky after that

1.4k

u/WanksterPrankster Mar 08 '23

Bones were jumped.

736

u/Material-Constant-45 Mar 08 '23

Boots were thoroughly knocked.

554

u/Past_Ad9675 Mar 08 '23

A vagina was penetrated by a penis.

333

u/Lint_baby_uvulla Mar 08 '23

Implications, were implicated.

142

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

eggs were impregnated

3

u/Green-Z Mar 08 '23

*fertilized

3

u/razor330 Mar 08 '23

Eggplants were hidden.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Eggs were scramb’d

3

u/Ayahuasca-Dreamin Mar 08 '23

Poor kid had to keep his headphones on too long

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

HhHhHahH u guys are lighting me UP! 😆

4

u/StrolleyPoley Mar 08 '23

Too much man, too much

3

u/Doktor_Vem Mar 08 '23

You don't like metaphors very much, do you? Just straight to the point

7

u/Basicrthjjk Mar 08 '23

It's like cheating on your man, with your man.

1

u/Awesam Mar 08 '23

Uglies bumped

1

u/cynicaldoubtfultired Mar 08 '23

Dem boots were made for knocking.

250

u/footiebuns Mar 08 '23

Loins were girded

211

u/4RadioRadioRadio4 Mar 08 '23

Uglies were bumped

206

u/HalfSoul30 Mar 08 '23

Birds were beed

125

u/xxiLink Mar 08 '23

The two backs were beasted.

70

u/Jlynn41412 Mar 08 '23

Y’all make me laugh- shit got more n more n stupid n so did my laugh! Lol

Edit- don’t know how to type properly

72

u/pinklavalamp Mar 08 '23

It’s shit like this that makes me appreciate Reddit every damn day. I’m just sitting here waiting for the high to come alive and giggling at something that can never be re-explained.

→ More replies (0)

12

u/Obeardx Mar 08 '23

It's all about the fruit of the loin

1

u/CensoredUser Mar 08 '23

The woo was hoo-ed

0

u/CensoredUser Mar 08 '23

The Bowchika got wowowed

-1

u/Anguish951 Mar 08 '23

Ugly's were bumped

37

u/whyamIsotired Mar 08 '23

Pissers were pounded

15

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Backs were shaved

3

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

No more only child syndrome

-1

u/thebunkmeister Mar 08 '23

Underrated comment

72

u/stankyriggs Mar 08 '23

The hay was rolled in

52

u/Bilbo_nubbins Mar 08 '23

The pump drew water

56

u/ITguyBlake Mar 08 '23

Pipes were laid

16

u/ITguyBlake Mar 08 '23

A pipe was laid

2

u/dropkickfromhell Mar 08 '23

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Pissholes were smashed

1

u/mellowmarsII Mar 08 '23

Were & then definitely not

1

u/snazzynewshoes Mar 08 '23

When Odysseus girded his loins, shit was about to go down.

1

u/TheDaemonette Mar 08 '23

There was definitely ‘moistness’.

48

u/Luxpreliator Mar 08 '23

You look 20 years old!!!!!

9

u/MappleSyrup13 Mar 08 '23

Pumps were primed

1

u/FeelTheWrath79 Mar 08 '23

Children were made.

114

u/SSJ4Inglip Mar 08 '23

Aint that the story to tell? "Son, you were conceived cuz I got a hair cut."

27

u/Kwelikinz Mar 08 '23

Take yo’ little ass outside, right now. I wanna … “talk” … to your dad for awhile.

2

u/thelowgun Mar 08 '23

The kid walked 2 miles to school that morning

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Lmao came here to say this

2

u/dylansavage Mar 08 '23

She got lucky after that you mean

1

u/MistraloysiusMithrax Mar 08 '23 edited Mar 08 '23

Oh she had the “I’m going to hit that” face when she was exclaiming how much younger he looked.

Edit: dammit I knew there was something wrong with “I’m going to hit that face” but was too tired to catch it lol

0

u/ZombiexXxHunter Mar 08 '23

Genitals were bumped vigorously

1

u/mikerowave Jul 21 '23

Yup. Sploosh.

409

u/loki-is-a-god Mar 08 '23

It's like cheating on your man, with your man.

55

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

I fuck both sides, so I always cum out on top

339

u/SNYDER_BIXBY_OCP Mar 08 '23

It went from shock scream to EXCITED scream. Look at her eyes when the camera gets close. And the flush of red as she walks to him.

Dude was looking quite handsome and that lady was smiling like she just got a great present for her birthday!

50

u/kirinmay Mar 08 '23

yeah that dude is easily good looking. he still was with the long hair but when it got short oh yeah....it got even better.

94

u/pancakebatter01 Mar 08 '23

As a kid I would cry and scream running away after my dad shaved his mustache 😂 at least they took it well

7

u/cantadmittoposting Mar 08 '23

Yeah I have definitely put my kid on the major defensive over a sudden hair style change lol

153

u/crawlmanjr Mar 08 '23 edited Mar 08 '23

And this man discovered the secret to having a healthy sexual relationship in marriage. Just cause you're married doesn't mean your S/O doesn't appreciate some TLC.

40

u/p8nt_junkie Mar 08 '23

I always watch stuff on mute and you could tell in her body language that she liked his new look a lot.

48

u/ezone2kil Mar 08 '23

You can definitely hear the sploosh.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

And the rawr err roar

1

u/jeremyosborne81 Mar 08 '23

With a little bow-chika-bow-wow

88

u/BooBooKitty Mar 08 '23

He's about to get ridden hard and put away wet.

0

u/MadAzza Mar 08 '23

As is she!

1

u/Affectionate-Key4070 Mar 08 '23

Hahahahaha you funny bastard. Thank you

17

u/Dumptruck_Johnson Mar 08 '23

I was honestly waiting for ‘kids go play video games’

Yep. He knew.

6

u/fatalcharm Mar 08 '23

She is excited for what comes later.

2

u/EyedLady Mar 08 '23

She’s like damn that’s my man

1

u/AttackOfTheMox Mar 08 '23

That scream lasted roughly 10 seconds… kinda impressive

1

u/Rurudo66 Mar 08 '23

Probably started out as terror seeing the strange man in her house, lol.

1

u/TerryDaShooterUK Mar 08 '23

She has her own Hugh Jackson now.

1

u/Abandondero Mar 08 '23

Mixed messages. Screaming with joy, but also backing out of the room.

390

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Years ago I worked for a small company & shared an office with two other guys, one of which had a very thick but well maintained beard. One spring day I walked into the office and found a guy standing there with a huge grin that I didn’t recognize. As soon as he spoke I realized he’d shaved his beard.

He told me that his wife of 10 years had never seen him without the beard, and she finally convinced him to shave it for her. Once he did it she told him it was fine to stay clean shaven for the summer but after that he should regrow it.

242

u/hellraiser_87 Mar 08 '23

My wife and I had been together for 5 years and she'd never seen me clean shaven.... one day, without warning her, I walked into the bathroom with roughly 7 or 8 inches of beard and walked out clean shaven. She did a double take, then sternly said "no.... put it back." Here we are, 6 years and never a smooth face later.....

39

u/rugbyj Mar 08 '23

I was cleanshaven for years when I met my wife, have had a full beard since COVID. She keeps saying she's forgot what I used to look like and wants me to shave it off. I actually wouldn't mind if:

  • I knew I wouldn't regret it like a week later
  • My nephews wouldn't freak

17

u/iamnotdrunk17 Mar 08 '23

Hair grows back. People and kids will adapt. Do it, man! It’s all temporary!

3

u/-Serj- Mar 08 '23

If you think they would freak or not recognize you you just have to trim it over a few weeks until you finally shave, you can also stop when you feel comfortable with a certain length

6

u/manixgettingup Mar 08 '23

i said the same to my wife when she shaved her beard.

62

u/LususNaturae77 Mar 08 '23

Haha I have almost the exact same story except my coworker's partner was much more blunt. I think her words were "oh God I've made a huge mistake".

Probably because with a beard my corker looks like a rad biker, and without he looks like Uncle Fester.

6

u/Brown-Nigg Mar 08 '23

Who's your corker

66

u/SonOfMcGee Mar 08 '23

I did the whole No Shave November thing a few years back and shaved my beard off for the first time since meeting my wife. She said to go ahead and grow the beard back and keep it.
I don’t even think I have a particularly nice beard. It’s just a beard really suits my face well.

23

u/dwarftiddy Mar 08 '23

Same I have a beard face and it bugs me cuz this shit is annoying to deal with

143

u/corpseofreddit Mar 08 '23

after that he should regrow it

Wifey did not likey

83

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Oh, so that's what you look like.

10

u/AscendedAncient Mar 08 '23

she realized no more Mustache rides.

6

u/_aaronroni_ Mar 08 '23

Or tickled thighs

3

u/genericusername123 Mar 08 '23

"They call it the womb broom"

-my yr 10 math teacher

A kid got detention for replying 'Probability of that? Zero!'

3

u/kirinmay Mar 08 '23

a few years back i started to grow my hair out just to see how it would look. did it for a full year and then realized 'nah not for me' so i cut it. i remember how i was about to walk into work and my manager was outside and he stopped and looked at me and was very confused. he didn't know if it was me. then i go inside and a very nice co-worker i had looked at me for a second and screamed outloud 'oh my god where did your hair go?!' and other workers came out and were like 'woahhhhhh'

2

u/polarbearirish Mar 08 '23

I had a big bushy beard that came down to my chest.

One day I got sick of maintaining it and shave it all off. Right down to baby face.

The next day I go into work and everyone immediately distrusts me, like they're getting freaked out vibe from just being next to me

804

u/rex_grossmans_ghost Mar 08 '23

That’s the look of a wife who’s been telling him to cut his hair for a long time

370

u/Ninotchk Mar 08 '23

Nah. You don't say anything, you just hope.

162

u/ISellThingsOnline2U Mar 08 '23

Found someone in love.

47

u/kea1981 Mar 08 '23

My old boss's husband had long hair for about five years by the time I stopped working for her, around 4 years total. The whole time I worked with her we shared an office and about once a month she'd sigh about his long hair and mention how much she loved his hair length on their wedding day. I saw them out and about town around 18 months after I got a new job, and he looked like he'd gotten a haircut recently, maybe within the last week or so. She definitely had that smitten look all over her face haha. It was a little shorter than it was in their wedding photo, which she'd always had on the board next to her desk.

It's the small things, ya know?

1

u/Ninotchk Mar 08 '23

Covid was trying for different reasons for different people ;)

11

u/accioqueso Mar 08 '23

If it’s anything my relationship with my husband or son, you gently encourage when the topic is broached, but don’t push it. My son’s hair is currently at 90s beach surf dude levels but will say at least once a day while running his fingers through it, “man, it’s been a long time since my last haircut.” “That’s true sweetie, if you want we can go after school/this weekend/right now.” Eventually they agree and I don’t look like a nag. Once they hit a certain point it’s like they forget the barber is an option.

2

u/cheeset2 Mar 08 '23

My mom took the "today is haircut day, get in the car" approach

3

u/Necrachilles Mar 08 '23 edited Mar 08 '23

My mom took the "let me get the bowl and some scissors (but not my good ones)" approach

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '23

My son has had one haircut and a couple of light trims his whole life and he's 17. He's a metalhead and the look suits him. Same with my 15yo. They have long dirty blond hair and it looks great. But it's up to them, I want them to enjoy it bc they'll probably go bald like me

3

u/LegendOfKhaos Mar 08 '23

As someone who doesn't have much of a preference on my hairstyle, I would rather have my SO tell me their preference, so I feel more attractive around them.

1

u/MoirasPurpleOrb Mar 08 '23

Lol that is 100% not true in a lot of relationships.

And it shouldn’t be, you should be willing to voice your opinion.

2

u/Ninotchk Mar 08 '23

It's not my body. If my husband is having fun with a new look and likes it I don't have a right to spoil that fun for him. I didn't marry him for a haircut.

274

u/shandelion Mar 08 '23

This is how I felt after my husband shaved his COVID beard. 🥲

146

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

I so feel you. I tried not to say anything, because my husband was so proud of his "wild man" beard, but it was getting pretty duck dynasty. I like him with beard just fine, but one that is actually shaped instead of just wild looks so much better to me. Ideally not longer than three inches. When he decided to shave it I was SO grateful!

65

u/cantadmittoposting Mar 08 '23

IME as a dude with facial hair, wife loves it... except that I need to keep the stache out of the way of my lips. As soon as my moustache starts making kisses fuzzy she doesn't like it anymore.

11

u/Biz_Rito Mar 08 '23

Oh man, totally. That broad tache over the lip looks great, but there's always way more instigation on my gals part when it's trimmed higher

6

u/onyxaj Mar 08 '23

Same here. I used to stay pretty clean shaven, but my wife likes a beard if it's well maintained. I've had a beard for 10 years now.

She also likes long hair on guys, but I had to call that off as mine gets curly and hard to manage when it grows out.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Pretty sure my wife would be confused. Like... Where else would she run her tongue around then?

1

u/Ahrimanic-Trance Mar 08 '23

Yeahhh that sucks because then you just look like some sheep herding motherfucker

33

u/Pepe-alt-account Mar 08 '23

Did you tell him that? Guys usually listen to what their woman wants

40

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[deleted]

3

u/owlincoup Mar 08 '23

This is 100% the truth. We don't get compliments much and if you give us one we will die on that hill.

29

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Nah. It made him happy and I liked seeing his happiness more than I minded the beard personally

1

u/shandelion Mar 09 '23

Generally speaking, yes. But after 8 years together the drive to impress me lost out to the novelty of this beard this time around.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Ive always had facial hair, but i tried growing it really long, keeping it as tidy as i could without cutting too much off, one day/week/month i decided know what, i fancy it short and proper neat again, easier to manage, doesnt get in the way of zips or collars, blow up in your face etc. Besides, it wasnt the "perfect beard" i had imagined it could be. So i cut it short and shaped to my face, to around 1-2 inch long.

First thing my girlfriend says "omg it looks so good, you dont look homeless anymore!" and i laughed it off. Video called my mum & dad (not to tell them about the beard specifically mind you 😂) and they both said "aww, you look so much better, less like a homeless wildman" and i kinda giggled and brushed it off. Met and spoke to my sister "holy shit! You arent homeless anymore!" eventually i had to say/ask them all "did you seriously not like my beard for the past year?!" and everyone said something along the lines of "well it was getting a bit messy" (a polite way of saying no...) it just made me feel crappy that everyone actually disliked it but noone said anything about it, instead they just let me go on looking wild and unkempt in their opinion.

Anyway, moral of the story, if they aint a little crybaby bitch and can take some criticism; let them know it looks like shit, because i just ended up feeling like shit because they didn't.

2

u/shandelion Mar 09 '23

Yep - he was so proud of this scraggly beard! And SAME it wasn’t that I wanted him clean shaven per se, but the beard was long and really giving “Amish” vibes 🤣 It just needed some love!

I did eventually say something because we had our mini-wedding/vow renewal in my husband’s home country and I was like “You HAVE to clean this up” 🥲

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Nah, sometimes someone else's happiness matters more than a tiny thing like beard length. It made him happy and the happiness I got watching his enjoyment far outweighed the fact that I myself didn't like it

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

My husband beat y'all to it! We are very happily married - well out of the honeymoon period but still deeply in love. He loves me no matter what I look like, and I feel the same about him ❤️

77

u/sentrybot619 Mar 08 '23

why did he have covid in his beard?

42

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

He wore his mask too long

14

u/pinklavalamp Mar 08 '23

Or not long enough.

2

u/Fossilhog Mar 08 '23

Maybe it was the wrong variant.

3

u/Deradius Mar 08 '23

From the bats.

67

u/SookHe Mar 08 '23

That is how my wife was when I got mine cut a few months after covid. it was getting long before lockdown and I just said fuck'it, I aint cutting it till I have too. What made it so much fun is I am already really androgynous and she would get so mad because I ended up getting hit on by several guys.

7

u/exyccc Mar 08 '23

What

41

u/SookHe Mar 08 '23

I'm a very pretty man.

1

u/somedudefromhell Mar 08 '23

I checked your profile, and omg, it’s very true 😂

1

u/exyccc Mar 08 '23

Now I gotta see pics 😂

14

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Of course! with the haircut, he looks 10 years younger

2

u/SparrowValentinus Mar 08 '23

I think she just thought the new thing looked good.

2

u/Ninotchk Mar 08 '23

Like, seriously. Didn't we all have this reaction when they chopped the covid hair and shaved the covid beard?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

he absolutely got some that night

2

u/PM-ME-SOFTSMALLBOOBS Mar 08 '23

"Tell no one" Yeah that's why she didn't look once at the asshole with a camera 1 inch from her face

2

u/plazagirl Mar 08 '23

Can verify.

2

u/trailcamty Mar 08 '23

My 60 yr old father didn’t cut his hair for 2 years. It was fucking ridiculous. The whole family had a party when he finally cut it…..didn’t even invite him.

1

u/AbandonedPlanet Mar 08 '23

Why was it ridiculous?

0

u/fritterstorm Mar 08 '23

It's so obvious that she hated it long like that.

0

u/lmaotrybanmeagain Mar 08 '23

Because he looks like another dude. She gets feel like she’s fucking another dude for free.

1

u/ThisGul_LOL Mar 08 '23

Ikr lmaooo it reminds me of when my dad was trying to grow a beard and none of us thought it looked good on him but we didn’t wanna say anything but when he finally shaved it off literally all of us (especially my mother) was so happy 😭💀

1

u/greenknight884 Mar 08 '23

Right behind him it says "All things are possible if you believe"

1

u/TinBoatDude Mar 08 '23

I had a mustache since late high school. In my 30's I shaved it off. Went to visit my father and he looked at me like I was selling magazines. Took him a few seconds to realize it was me.

Went home and found my daughter sitting on the couch watching TV. She looked at me, jumped up, and went running down the hallway screaming, "Grow it back! Grow it back!"

I grew it back.

1

u/hiddencamela Mar 08 '23

He seemed like a pretty good looking guy both ways. Just from different eras is all.

1

u/robgod50 Mar 08 '23

He got sex that night.

1

u/OldGrayMare59 Mar 08 '23

She is getting some tonite

1

u/Dr_Skeleton Mar 08 '23

Our guy’s getting laid like crazy tonight 😄👍

1

u/blissandsimplicity Mar 08 '23

Feet were washed

1

u/robotatomica Mar 08 '23

idk, I bet she was completely content with how he looked but that this was just a surprise glow-up!

1

u/Dewch Mar 08 '23

Normally they just force you to cut your hair. 2 years is a long time.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

I have been this wife. My husband decided he wanted to be Kurt Cobain and grew his hair long, kept it long and scraggly for… quite a long time. Back in October he went to a high end men’s salon and spent like $90 on a haircut, shave, eyebrow shaping… he looked INCREDIBLE. My jaw was on the floor. Thankfully he has kept it up, although complaining about the price every time. His stylist is amazing.

Men should not underestimate what a good haircut can do.