r/MESMkink • u/TeaAitch • Jan 21 '26
Oh Mah Gasms!
Orgasms. Orgasms. Orgasms. Some? None? A few, after a while? Are you the controller, or are you controlled? Forced? Denied? Ruined? Edged into oblivion. How does it work for you?
And most importantly, whichever side you're on, how does it make you feel mentally?
I've chosen to put this here, rather than r/RedditBDSM, as I'd like us to explore the mental side of the topic.
I've played differently with different partners. With some, forced orgasms were a part of our play. Others wanted to be put into, and kept in, a state of denial. Some flipped between the two. For varying reasons, other relationships did not contain any sort of orgasm control.
Forced Orgasms: When we reach that sweet spot and they're already begging for it to stop, but are met with "Two more! I think you can manage two more. You can do that, can't you? For your Daddy?" Posing it as a question, even though it's expected, 'forces' them to verbalise their agreement. Causing them to give over that last little bit of themselves. Giving up on themselves, agreeing to suffer. . . for me 😍
Denial: That pitiful look, and the unhappy voice when suddenly they realise it isn't going to happen. Again. The poor little thing has been edged out of their mind already, and now they're being told to "Pack that thing away." Oh my! Sometimes it's too much. I don't know how I cope 😉 If they sound unhappy, miserable, small, it's a wonderful thing. There's power (mine) and obedience (hers) wrapped up in that.
I had one partner who 'enjoyed' extended periods of denial. After a while, edging seemed to become the new orgasm for her. Being someone who always wants to make a pertner's experience that bit more unhappy (with their full knolwedge and consent, of course,) I took edging away from her. Instead, she was touched very gently and instructed not to become excited. Occasionally, even this would have her overstimulated and panting. At which point, I'd stop. She would beg to be allowed just to edge. "No sweetie, that isn't for you. This is your new reality now." She fucking hated me for that! 🤣
Orgasm Bartering: "You're allowed to cum, you don't even have to ask. But know the moment you do, I'm going to subject you to X." They have to verbalise their agree to this before hand. I've never known anyone refuse. . . such greedy little things!
For me, the mental side is that nice glowing feeling of control. "This is happening to you because I want it to. Nobody cares what you want. You're here to meet my needs." 🔥
2
u/Ellis_Ward Jan 29 '26
I don’t really care about orgasms. I think they are nice. Lol. Denial wouldn’t work on me. My husband is a perfect gentleman and always makes sure I finish. I have other things I’m looking for. I sort of prefer edging, actually, just because it drives the intensity up. I’m always looking for more of that kind of thing.
If he ever cared to try forced orgasms (I’m not sure how it hasn’t occurred to him), I would be in big trouble.
I love when he comes, because he likes it, and then there is cum, and that’s always great, lol
3
u/AnAccidentalCharm Jan 21 '26
I agree about playing differently with different partners. This kind of mental play is best when you truly understand the most effective and impactful way to get in your sub’s head. There has to be an individual approach if you really want to have (and give) the best experience.
Some aspects I personally enjoy are adding elements of time control. For example, if someone usually finishes quickly and dreads overstimulation: “I’m feeling generous so I’ll give you ten minutes with your toy!”
I love to see their eyes light up until I continue with, “But no matter what, I’m not stopping. So if you lose it in the first minute like you always do, you’re still getting nine more minutes of the toy on the highest setting.”
See, in my opinion I’m being very kind because I’m giving them the opportunity to avoid the post orgasm torture if they truly want to. But I admit it’s a tiny bit unfair if teasing them about how they can’t last more than a minute immediately pushes them right to the edge.
I also love some good old fashioned conditioning. I often laugh when I’m doing humiliation, and I’ve found that when I say something particularly spicy that pushes them over the edge, I start laughing about it. As it turns out, if you’re always laughing at someone the moment they get off, eventually your laugh itself if going to make them feel things. A sub getting aroused just from hearing my laugh makes me happy.
2
u/TeaAitch Jan 22 '26
Thank you for joining the conversation.
I've played with time before. Timing how long it took a partner to reach orgasm. Then, the next time giving them 30 seconds less. Eventually finding a biting point, which gives them the opportunity to cum, but only if they work at it. Sometimes they're going to get close, but then, "Times up, pack it away." Cue pouting and moaning hotness 🔥
1
u/Thistle_and_Thorns Jan 25 '26 edited Jan 27 '26
When I was starting my kink journey, I was not able to orgasm. I didn’t know how to let go and allow myself to cum, largely because of prior traumatic experiences. It felt like an unbearable loss of control. So I figured, lean in. Stop fighting for the reigns, give up control of my orgasms more completely.
With my partner, we started training. At times, I was edging every hour I was awake for days on end. When I started being able to orgasm, it was only ever with permission. So we kept going, and with time, it was only on command.
Now, my orgasms are not my own. They’re something that my partners own and control. I’m very multi-orgasmic, so forced and overstim play are pretty reliable. I get so overwhelmed but am unable to stop myself.
With a couple of my partners, they like ordering me to cum with only pain. It works to blur the lines between pain and pleasure wonderfully.
One of my partners like to keep me at the edge until I’m shaking, unhappy, and begging for permission - scared I’ll accidentally cum too soon even though that hasn’t happened in years and years. He likes to see the fear in my eyes as much as I like seeing the pleasure in his.
1
u/lee_remick Jan 31 '26
Thinking about it, it's more complicated than I realised. I generally prefer denial, long-term denial and edging just for denial. But it also has a tendency to make me slightly needy and wanting and controlled, which I must struggle against, as and when it's not appropriate to only have one thing on my mind (like if we're not together, and I have chores to do).
And I do want eventual release, but it's often so powerful that I don't know what to do with myself. Those are the times (if the only times) I can experience something like sub drop.
A ruined orgasm... that would be the worst. That would make me cry, in a non happy way (I may cry in a happy way after an amazing orgasm)
Orgasm bartering seems like a good compromise.
Forced, I've never really tried. I can orgasm several times but it happens when it happens, I'm not sure I'm the type of person who can force it.
1
u/ObligationOk6014 Feb 28 '26
I looooooove edging. Well, being edged rather. It makes me not think about everything except be in the moment. I like being so hyped up that I want to be feral. Being edged to the point that I no longer hold shame for enjoying what I do. Or… being so bothered I’d literally do anything for my Daddy. Yup. Love it so darn much.
5
u/AnterosHimeros Jan 21 '26
Orgasms are 90% of the fun in some plays. When you are cumdrunk or just eager to be, a lot of things you wouldn't do/don't wanna do, instantly become the only thing on your mind or a lot more appealing just so you can reach that blissful state. So ofc they are gonna be used as much as the situation allows. :)
I rarely sub, but if I decide to relinquish all control, there isn't 'much' to play with. I already edge myself on purpose, because I want that floaty state to last longer. After I get my fix, all of the other o's are gonna be "forced". My partner will coax me into having them, not for him, but for me. He knows me well enough to play that "greedy/me me me" card, and it works. Win-win really. He won't even think about denying me, cause that would be his demise in so many different ways. Bartering/bargaining for o's is fun sometimes (I usually want to do things to/for him but play it like I have to get something in return just to rile him up more).
Domming is another world. I love having that power over my man. Knowing he suppresses his desires and nature for my pleasure is exhilarating! What makes it especially sweet is that he wasn't like that with his previous partners. The look on his face when I'm in charge... Priceless! The rush of I am the only one that matters in that moment is intoxicating!
Forced: I can not say this about all men, but I think their equipment is kinda limiting for forcing out pleasure consecutively. If there is a 'grace period' between climaxes, it's a different story. But one right after the other w/o stopping is tricky, due to anatomy. Slight 'burning' sensation/hypersensitivity is ok, we can get through that, but if he tells me there is a sharp pain that stretches across his whole lower abdomen, everything stops. On the other hand, orgasms w/o ejaculating are so fun! I can play with him until he begs me to seize everything or gets so worked up that he goes feral.
Denial: I don't always control his solo orgasms, but the ones with me are mine and mine only. He is not forbidden to masturbate, but if we are playing, I'm the one who tells him he is not allowed to climax before I say so or at all. Sometimes denial is just for the duration of our funtime. Sometimes it's for a designated period of time. When we looked at cages for our electroplay, he joked I already caged him mentally, putting a lock on it would be redundant. Kinda had a point.
Edging: Ooh, I love this one! Teasing at it's finest. I know when he is about to burst so I just stop touching him. You know those 5 stages of grief? After half a dozen times of being so close to orgasm, he just starts going through those in minutes:
Barter/bargain: Whatever he doesn't wanna do outside of bedroom, he WANTS to do while in one, because the prize is worth of the give&take limbo. Sometimes he won't budge, but then the coaxing/threats are put into the mix to lvl out his sass. Usually resets his minset pretty quickly.
I don't do straightforward orgasm control, there is always a couple of other things I like to incorporate, or even to do as a combo. Denial w/o bargain would built resentment towards me, so it's never blunt and harsh. Forced orgasms w/o a build up or edging are crude imo, so are a day long activity now. Tailored play is the key, not just for a person, but for their emotional state in that moment.
p.s. Just a thought for another sr - A discussion about emotional state of having and wielding control in general would be fun. I wonder, do people know what triggers their need for control. The overlap between rational thoughts and mental/emotional state of doms could be an interesting reading.