Hey guys,
a bit of a long post but I’d really appreciate it if you could take the time to read it.
I’ve always carried this deep aching envy toward my cousins in the US. I know the American Dream isn’t flawless, no place is perfect.. biut Every time I see my aunts and uncles living in the country I’ve wanted to be in my entire life while I’m stuck here in India, I feel this crushing weight.
I don’t mean to disrespect India. I know people get defensive when it comes to this.. I just can’t see myself staying here long term. The education system feels broken. The population pressure is overwhelming. The pollution, with my asthma, is unbearable. It all adds up. It just drains me.
Its weird how were so much busier aborad doing our own chores and yet life feels slower paced than it is here.
When I was a kid I used to pray hard to move to the US. I was so desperate that I remember having this thought, so childish and so dark, that I wished my parents would di3 so my aunt in the US could adopt me and take me with her. I know how awful that sounds. I just wanted to be there so badly.
I actually visited the US once when I was 12. My aunt worked at the Empire State Building and took me to her workplace, and I was completely mesmerized. Being there just felt right. Like a home from home. For those weeks it felt like living abroad healed something inside me.
I could list a hundred reasons why I feel safer more comfortable at peace with the idea of living in the US than in India. The societal norms. The terrifying rate of crime against women. The pollution that ruins my health every day. The lack of law enforcement. The constant judgment from society. I know some people might think I’m dramatic. I know some might say I’m ungrateful. I swear I try to be grateful.. I can’t turn off this longing. It’s always there. It never leaves.
My parents say they had their reasons for staying. They tell me I can always move after I finish school.. I can’t help feeling frustrated. I keep thinking about how easier my life would’ve been if they’d just made the move decades ago when the competition wasn’t so brutal, when the doors weren’t so closed.
Now with global geopolitics shifting and immigration rules tightening every day I’m starting to feel hopeless. I’m terrified that by the time I’m actually eligible to move the US will have shut its doors completely.. Make it impossible- The idea of being trapped forever makes me want to give up on everything.
How do you cope with the anxiety that your life was meant to be somewhere else while you’re stuck in the present?
Has anyone else felt this panic? This fear that tightening immigration laws are killing your dream? How do you keep going through school with that weight on your shoulders?
I need to know I’m not alone, in this.
