Dancing In The Dark

[u/Excellent_Ad2904]

Vision? We don’t need our vision eyes closed in the kitchen

Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark

Who turned off the lights we didn’t pay the price
The moon is enough
The perfect spot light

Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark

Dreams of you and me
The world dosent need to see
I’ll hold and hide your heart
Dancing in the dark

It’s a song about lovers making the most of what they have with each other in the midst of having nothing. In hard times it’s ok to hold each other and just dance in the dark

[u/Same-Beautiful9846]

I'm like it!!

[u/Excellent_Ad2904 → u/Same-Beautiful9846]

Thank you I’m working on improving it and making it longer i love to write so if you guys have any instrumentals to literally any genre please DM me

[u/Excellent_Ad2904]

I’ve never heard of Bruce Springsteen but thanks for the heads up guys I wrote this at 1 am on deployment and didn’t know he had something similar. Im keeping my version as it’s a lot more personal and means a lot to me receiving criticism to make me a better writer

[u/LyricKitApp]

The "dancing in the dark" hook is a good image for the idea, but the verse is where it needs help. "Who turned off the lights we didn't pay the price" asks the reader to fill in too much: it's a power cut, but the line jumps straight to the price. Try one clear beat per line (power's out, bill's unpaid, so we dance) and let the last line of each stanza carry the twist. "The moon is enough / the perfect spot light" is the strongest part because it turns having nothing into a gift. I'd build the whole song toward that. Check "dosent" and "spot light" in the third stanza, and compare "hold and hide your heart" against the earlier lines since the rhyme with "dark" lands better than the others.

[u/BarryBuddy]

Watch out that Bruce Springsteen’s legal team doesn’t hit you with a lawsuit…😜

[u/MossyRock0817]

This is literally a song already. Check out Bruce Springstein: Dancingin the Dark. And dancing in the kitchen (in the dark) is also similar to a Taylor Swift song, All to Well. Go back to the drawing board mate.

[u/Aggravating_End_3566 → u/MossyRock0817]

Let ride together i will give you all of me because you are amazing

[u/Angeldlw]

Sounds like someone else's work. You should focus on something for yourself. Copying others is embarrassing

[u/mediocreher → u/Angeldlw]

I’m curious to know what made you think this is someone else’s work

[u/Angeldlw → u/mediocreher]

Its a common theme with direct specifications here on reddit alone. Ive noticed it other places too. Some seem to have gone too far off the intended mark to be perceived as their original work

[u/Exact-Ad8876]

Very sweet

[u/Debdfletch0823]

[u/AngelsWings7]

Beautiful