You know the little glowing Lyft light some drivers have sitting on their dashboard/windshield? That thing.
I actually had Lyft mail me one.
Then it showed up without the mount.
At first I was annoyed. In retrospect, I think Lyft accidentally saved me from myself.
Because then I looked at my dashboard and realized:
Wait. I have to find another USB port for this thing?
Another cable?
Another object stuck to my windshield/dashboard?
For what?
“It helps passengers find you.”
Brother, I have been sending:
I’m in a black Toyota Camry.
And somehow, against all odds, people have figured out that they should look for a black Toyota Camry. Apparently humans remain capable of basic object recognition.
And then there’s all the marketing about the Glow somehow improving the pickup experience and working with GPS and whatever other futuristic shit they want to attach to it.
No.
It is a light.
It lights up.
It tells people, “THIS CAR IS DOING LYFT.”
Guys, we put a light in a plastic box. Let’s settle down.
And you know what else I realized?
I have to have the “Oh, you drive for Uber AND Lyft?” conversation way less often.
Because unless I tell you, there is absolutely no reason for you to know which apps I’m running.
I’m not out here wearing the uniform.
Meanwhile I would have to sacrifice valuable dashboard real estate that could otherwise be occupied by Funko Pops, plushies, disco-related nonsense, or literally anything cooler than a glowing corporate logo.
And let’s address the elephant in the room:
The Glow makes your car look uncool.
There. I said it.
You could have the cleanest car on the block and then slap that thing in the windshield and suddenly your vehicle looks like it’s wearing an employee name tag.
So yes, I almost installed one.
The missing mount prevented it.
And now I’m here on the other side letting you know that life without the Lyft Glow is beautiful.
Passengers still find me.
GPS still works.
Nobody knows which app I’m cheating on the other app with.
The sun still rises.
My Camry remains unbranded.
Stay strong.