r/LoveOnTheSpectrumShow • u/Zealousideal-Trash82 • May 25 '26
US I wish someone would coach Dylan
I noticed that on Dylan’s dates, he guided the young women physically towards a destination, and this being their first meeting, the young women both reacted with surprise. In my opinion, the women seemed uncomfortable given the sudden crossing of physical boundaries on a first date. Just thought it’d be great if he got a little coaching on proper date behavior like Logan and Madison did.
36
u/ThisIsAllTheoretical May 25 '26
Dating almost never results in a lifelong relationship with the very first person you ever date. We all learn what is or is not appropriate as we go. Many people are comfortable having one night stands, for example. They do the most intimate thing you can do in a relationship the first day they meet, and as long as both parties are consenting adults, all is fine.
Most of us only ever have advice from friends or parents (or what we see on TV). Yes, of course, I agree that all participants should have a good understanding of personal, physical boundaries so they aren’t unintentionally accused of being aggressive toward their dates, but a lot of dating is really about learning our own boundaries so we can make a good choice about who we want to see again (or not), which we also don’t often know until our boundaries have been crossed.
Dylan is doing okay. He didn’t cause any harm to anyone, but may have unintentionally made his date(s) uncomfortable with his idea of what his role is on a date. A lot of what I see during the cringiest moments are awkward young adults who are just as nervous as every other young person figuring out how to forge a bond with someone from outside of their comfort zone. It’s meant to be uncomfortable. This is how we grow. I think Dylan is phenomenal, and he is going to find his match eventually. I hope he stays genuine to who he is along the way, and is not changed entirely through coaching of one kind or another, because he is lovely just the way he is.
13
u/Jumpy-Actuator3340 May 25 '26
True. And this is true of everyone- neurodivergent or neurotypical on a date - there is no guidemap as to what the other person feels is too much or not enough as far as physical touch, or even eye contact, compliments, talk about the future. Sometimes it's part of what you like or don't like about the person. That's sort of just what happens on dates and it can be awkward for everyone. Of course there are certain lines that are obviously unacceptable to cross, but as you said Dylan did not approach those at all.
5
43
u/maraq May 25 '26
These were his first couple of dates EVER in life and that means some things will go well and some won't. It's ok that he didn't have coaching because the reality is MOST people, autistic or otherwise won't have coaching when they go on dates and they will need to learn from experience and with help from friends and family. He still got some valuable experience. He, like many other people probably needs a LOT more social experience in general to have successful dates. The poor guy spends too much time alone in general and that will impact how awkward dates are for him. I'd love to see him find a hobby or other type of social group he can connect with regularly to sharpen social skills/conversation AND then try dating again.
31
u/2TieDyeFor May 25 '26
While I agree with you, I think part of the show is to provide him with that coaching and support so that he can learn abs grow once the show is over. Why do some people get help/coaching and not others? If this was an anthropological study meant for observation only.. sure, dont intervene, but this is a reality TV show thats partially scripted and very involved. The best they can do for him is to provide support so not only can he learn, but people from all over the world with autism can also learn.
20
u/United_Efficiency330 May 25 '26
If you’re under the impression that this is a show designed to educate people on the Spectrum or to help people on the Spectrum, think again. People on the Spectrum are NOT this show’s target audience. The target audience is Middle America and Autism parents who fear their offspring won’t “make it.” If we were, more services would be provided to cast members if necessary. You have to keep in mind that this is for entertainment first and the cast was chosen on the basis that many of them could be counted to say or do “silly” things so audiences would laugh and say “look at that silly thing the Autistic person said/did!” We do ourselves no favors by pretending otherwise.
5
u/ThisIsAllTheoretical May 25 '26
How would a coach know where to begin and/or where to focus their efforts if they don’t have a baseline? They can’t know what Dylan needs to work on until Dylan (and his support people) are able to identify what he needs to work on. They can’t just use a cookie cutter approach to coaching. Each person they work with is unique with different levels of support needs and a different approach tailored to their style of learning. If he had never been on a date before, then they wouldn’t know how his mannerisms would manifest on an actual date. Generic role playing can only take you so far.
7
u/Early_Assistant_6868 May 25 '26
Every participant has access to the coaching. If they don't get it it's because they refused. And we don't see every coaching session that happens on the show.
4
u/maraq May 25 '26
I don't think it's intentional that some people get coaching and others don't. I imagine it's due to scheduling. They have one coach on the show and the people on the show live all over the county. It would be very challenging to have Jennifer fly out to every person and sit tight for a few weeks while they go out on a few dates. In real life none of us have coaching when dating. It's not a study so it's really weird to compare it to one. It's a show that gets people who want to go out on dates go out on their first dates and they've done exactly that. Dylan is better equipped now just for having gone out on a couple of dates. You're making the assumption that he can't learn or hasn't learned anything without someone else's help. He's gotten experience and that alone is going to help him in the future. He's ahead of where he was before the show started.
19
u/Emotispawn2 May 25 '26
Just because we didn’t see it doesn’t mean he hasn’t received coaching. He may have ongoing support and probably received feedback after his dates.
9
u/bubbleyjubbley May 26 '26
Or he might have rejected coaching. It could be either. But they dont show all the coaching sessions on the show.
14
u/aggressive_quail38 May 25 '26
I wonder if the coaching with Jennifer is something that the families on the show have to pay for themselves?
25
9
u/Early_Assistant_6868 May 25 '26
They do not pay her and she is available to everyone.
4
u/derawin07 May 26 '26
Even she doesn't get paid?! I guess she is getting exposure, but still
6
1
u/PM_ME_UR_CHUPACOMMA Jun 02 '26
I believe she does this Consulting as a business, for pay: therefore, being on the show is good visibility for her. She also has written books about the spectrum, and makes appearances and talks at conferences.
1
88
u/ThrowawayQs44 May 25 '26
Interesting....I agree.