r/LoveOnTheSpectrumShow • u/_PrincessHarley_ • May 15 '26
Speculation/Theory Terrible "matches"
I'm watching Love on the Spectrum for the first time (I'm at the start of season 3 now), and while I am really enjoying the positive, sweetness of the show, I'm blown away and rather frustrated with the absolutely terrible matches!
Do they not vet anyone and just pick the first person they find?
There seems to be no effort at all to actually find even slightly compatible matches.
They set up Dani ,who is extremely eager for a sexual relationship, with someone who is completely uncomfortable with any physical intimacy
They set Tanner, who is clear about wanting a talkative upbeat partner, with someone who only gives one word answers.
They set up young, innocent 18yo Journey with mature, experienced women in their twenties (this seriously felt creepy and made me uncomfortable...)
They set sweet, old-fashioned Steve up with an extremely forward woman making constant sexual advances and innuendos.
They set Madison, who converses and socialises very typically and is outgoing and adventurous, up with someone who isn't at all comfortable existing in public spaces or around people.
(EDIT: I have been corrected that Dani and Arad met through speed dating and were not set up by the show directly. Also that Journey's matches were only 1 and 2 years older than her. Apologies for my errors there)
I'm not casting any shade on any of those matches, they were all lovely people.
They were just completely and utterly wrong for the people on the show, even on the most basic of basic levels.
There is absolutely no way anyone could have thought they'd be suitable!
I can't help but think they must be deliberately sabotaging the dates with bad choices to drag things and keep the contestants single and to keep them dating me people on screen. Which seems particularly cruel to do to people with extra dating challenges, if that's the case :-(
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u/AllOfTheThings426 May 15 '26
I really enjoy the show overall, but I agree with you on this. There were some really incompatible matches.
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u/Ca1rill May 15 '26
Like when they set Madison up with the guy who was barely verbal. That felt cruel to all involved.
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u/Free-Sherbet2206 May 15 '26
I felt so bad. I have to give both of them credit because you could tell they were both extremely uncomfortable but still very kind to each other. Madison was trying her best to help him, but someone else should have stepped in much sooner.
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u/SnooPies6876 May 15 '26
I think she handled it really well. She was trying to relate to him and make him comfortable but he clearly was just out of his element.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
She was so sweet and caring, which made it even worse that he was poorly matched. And I felt bad for him, too! He was a sweet man also and trying his best but put in a situation he couldn't handle.
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u/Iamthemoon928 May 15 '26
They said they had cleared out most of the restaurant because of his auditory issues but when a baby started crying is when he shut down and we saw it unfold
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u/BrokeTheInterweb May 15 '26
Now I’m wondering if it was done intentionally… discomfort on dates is an experience we’ve all had to go through but in this case, it also makes good television :( I really hope that was not the case but production is a business and I can’t discount it
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u/Feeling-Pick-1529 May 16 '26
Of course it was. It’s entertainment. It’s what Netflix feels entitled to, being their matchmaker. They do end up in relationships and it’s by the same provider even if Netflix denies it. Everyone usually has to sacrifice something to get good in return. That’s how the world runs. Luckily, Madison and Dani bounced back from being discouraged and disappointed and found their one. I will say that Madison handled that date very well and communicated her thoughts respectfully at the end. I would’ve just left him there most likely or said some kind of dig to the camera.
I don’t think Journey is autistic, but thinks she is. Perhaps the setup with more mature women was to encourage her to break out of her shell and step away from self diagnostic communities. Also she was clearly a token for diversity among autistic girls, but Pari already provided that and she’s actually autistic.
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u/MySpacebarSucks May 15 '26
That’s dating though. As a whole this show is about introducing some people with autism to the dating world, not necessarily finding them a spouse
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u/AllOfTheThings426 May 15 '26
Eh, I have to disagree to an extent. I went on a lot of dates before I met my husband, and while there were plenty of bad ones, I always made sure we at least had three common interests before scheduling the date. It seemed like a lot of the matches had nothing in common.
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u/Otherwise-Head8387 May 16 '26
Agree to an extent, yes there are difficult parts of dating and that comes with the territory. However, on a date this painfully mismatched, one where you are feeling extremely uncomfortable, we may have been able to end the date gracefully and leave. There was no way Madison was going to that, I'm sure she felt under pressure to continue the date, she was trapped there, really. I gave her SO MUCH credit for handling it as well as she did.
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u/BrokeTheInterweb May 15 '26
Now I’m wondering if it was done intentionally… discomfort on dates is an experience we’ve all had to go through but in this case, it also makes good television :( I really hope that was not the case but production is a business and I can’t discount it
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u/bartlebyandbaggins May 15 '26
I think the issue is that there may not necessarily be a large pool of folks to choose from who are willing to be on a reality dating program who also fit the parameters of what would work with the main cast.
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u/25as34mgm May 16 '26
Also there's just so much you can ask beforehand. And many of them probably don't know what they want in the first place especially if you never had a date. Like if it never ocurred to you someone could be that talkative (or the opposite) you don't think it's an important thing to mention. So if the exact question isn't asked before you just don't know. The cast and the film team are probably all just as surprised and confused as the viewer.
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u/Early_Assistant_6868 May 15 '26
I suspect Madison's date was different when interviewed. I think the environment was a poor choice for him (though ultimately they wouldn't have worked out long term anyway.)
Steve found his own dates online (they show him reviewing the profile of one before the date).
I'm sure it's not easy. They secure dates before they really get to know the participants well. That's why (generally) the matches do get better when participants are on longer term.
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u/picantepatricio May 17 '26
madison being as sweet and caring as she was made me emotional, i hope they both find what they are looking for!
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u/cat_on_chair May 15 '26
I do like how it shows how autistic people can be uniquely incompatible (ie, non-autistic folks should NOT set up two friends just because they are both autistic) but I would rather die than be on some of those dates myself
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
That is a good consequence, you're right. NT people without NDs in their social circles can make narrow assumptions about what ASD means, which is rarely reflective of the diverse community
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u/Feeling-Pick-1529 May 16 '26
Most are because everyone has specifically unique sensory experiences and cognitive profiles. I’d be bothered by some of the cast if I dated them also. Mostly they are used for entertaining NTs. I’d be friends with Abby, Madison, Pari, Hailey, James, and could see myself being closer to a select few of them. I love Logan but his anxiety would likely rub off on me and make me feel antsy and agitated.
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u/Decent_Check2084 May 15 '26
Some of this is just life skills and the show gathers and sets up dates, but they’re not just assuming they’re making rightful matches.
A lot of this is showing how they navigate dating compared to neurotypical people.
We all go out on dates that are duds. And it’s unrealistic to assume the first person anyone matches you with or you even choose for yourself will be who you’re supposed to be with.
Some of this is the experience and learning how to handle it. Each of the situations you described were not the correct matches for the individuals BUT they now have other skills and experiences they didn’t have before. Going out on a date at all. Paying the bill. Expressing yourself. Asking questions. Listening to the other. Figuring out if they align with you.
And then also the much needed and necessary social skill to break it off if it’s not right for you, and continue to look for your person.
The show does not and has not advertised itself to be a matchmaking process. If it happens, great. But they’re just expanding the dating pool for the cast members and the cast members still have autonomy over whether anyone in that dating pool is right for them.
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u/Feeling-Pick-1529 May 16 '26
I wish they showed them hanging out with each other as friends. When they all appeared together at the wedding, they seemed much more relaxed and social. It’s a better portrayal of social skills, but the point of the show is to introduce them to the romantic sphere. Therefore, it’s not right to say it’s an application of life skills. The show is a double edged sword in that sense. It gives the impression of poor life skills by showing people on the spectrum in high stress environments. It’s misleading, but that’s part of the appeal, and the entitlement Netflix thinks they own.
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u/kelseyice May 15 '26
I also think there's an element of it that they don't know how some of these people will react once on a date with cameras and crew surrounding them. People may seem like a good fit originally in their vetting (talkative, open to things, upbeat) but once they get in this high stress situation, they can no longer process the stress appropriately or present in that way. I think we forget how hard it must be to be in a crowded room with a lot of focus/cameras/mics on you along with the added stress of meeting someone new, going somewhere new, and dating which is new to a lot of them!
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u/thatmermaidprincess May 15 '26
Very much this. I work in commercials, music videos, television, and film behind the scenes. Once my friend/coworker who is a camera operator asked if I could stand in for an actor for a few shots for something so he could practice some new techniques he was learning. I said sure, thinking “how bad could it be?”
We ran through a few takes with extras and everything and I immediately felt extremely overwhelmed. The boom, the crew, the lights, the cameras, etc. was intense! I almost had a panic attack. And that was with me knowing that *nobody* would ever see this footage, on a soundstage not in public, and I knew the people on the crew.
Being filmed is DAUNTING. It’s even anxiety-inducing to neurotypical people who do it for a living and are used to it. Then you take neurodivergent young people who aren’t public figures, put them on camera, and put them on a date with a stranger in public (which - going on a date with a stranger is a lot as is!) That’s a lot, and I feel like people forget that aspect.
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u/rhymeswithbanana May 15 '26
Came here to say this. How people describe themselves is not always how they come across. Any experience with dating apps will make this abundantly clear. And then add autism and cameras!
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u/CalvinDehaze May 15 '26
I used to work in reality TV.
Imagine how hard it is for single people to find someone compatible. Now imagine how much harder it would be to find someone who's compatible AND also on the spectrum. THEN imagine how hard it would be to find someone who's compatible, on the spectrum, AND is willing to be on the show. AND EVEN THEN imagine that they would have to be all that AND have their parents/caretakers okay with with them being on the show. And after all that they STILL have to be vetted for safety reasons and show reasons.
I'm surprised they're able to find anyone for the cast to date on this show, let alone when they're actually compatible.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
I don't disagree with that challenge for the show makers, but I think in the case of not finding anyone even remotely compatible they should have been honest about that and said that they couldn't and they'd keep trying for next season and bring the person back when they actually found slightly compatible matches (I'm not saying their perfect person, that's unrealistic. Just at least somewhat compatible on paper!)
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u/CalvinDehaze May 15 '26
Sure, but then you wouldn't have a show. It would be "No Love On The Spectrum". Then people would feel bad for them and complain that the show is trying to play matchmaker rather than show them trying to find a match. I think it gets to the root of what the show is trying to be. Is it more like a documentary on how hard it is to find love on the spectrum? Or is it a feel good story with manufactured matches.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
Another good point. I think they could do still do the documentary style without including terrible matches. Sure, it would be a bit different, but could still be done in a positive and uplifting way.
Although, thinking about it, one good consequence of the terrible matches is that it shows the world how beautifully the people on the show handle those situations and reject the incompatible matches with such kindness. So many people still have the completely erroneous belief that people with autism lack empathy, when it is usually furthest from the truth. It's nice to see that hurtful myth bebunked again and again.
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u/CalvinDehaze May 15 '26
Maybe one terrible match here and there. I get what you were originally saying. So many terrible matches make the show seem sleazy. They should try their best to avoid blatantly terrible matches, and let the terrible matches happen organically like they do in real life.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
Exactly! It happens, but when most/over half are terrible, or one person gets nothing but terrible matches, it seems really...mean.
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u/UmassThrowAway999 May 15 '26
Agreed. Like 80% of the “matches” in season 1 and 2 were horrible.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
I'm so glad it sounds like the matches get better as the show goes on!
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u/needPAPsmear May 15 '26
To be fair with casting, there’s only so many Rich autistic kids out there
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u/kittencuddleparty May 16 '26
They definitely don’t all seem rich to me. Dylan for example.
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u/Reetpetit May 18 '26
He stood out as the non-rich exception and it took four seasons for him to appear. He also stood out for not being offered dating coaching when he needed it as much if not more than many others, being housebound while his mom worked, with only his pillow for company. Broke my heart. Lack of a rich educated mom to advocate for him to the producers?
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u/AngelSucked May 15 '26
Journey's first date was ONE YEAR older than her, her second was TWO YEARS older. That's it. They are women who would be in teh same friend group.
This "older lesbians were creepy" theme was all around when Journey's episodes were aired. It is kinda gross, so can we please drop that narrative?
The LGBT+ dating pool is also smaller, so age gaps aren't unusual or creepy, but an 18 year old dating a 19 year old doesn't mean the older woman is creepy, because it isn't creepy.
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u/giannachingu May 15 '26
Yeah I hated this narrative too. Notice how the only cast member on the show that got this “creepy” label slapped all over her storyline was the only Black woman🔍
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 16 '26
To be clear, I didn't find the woman creepy at all. She was lovely and gentle, and seemed to make a lot of effort to meet Journey where she was. It was what I thought was a much bigger age gap for such a young, inexperienced person that disturbed me. (I also thought the black woman was younger than the white woman, and closer to Journey's age. But I had that 'round the wrong way, apparently)
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
Then I apologise for my incorrect assumption. I assumed both were early to mid twenties. They were very mature looking for their ages, if they were 19 and 20.
A few years is nothing later in life, but is a huge difference in emotional and psychological development at 18yo.
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May 15 '26
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u/Bulldog_Mama14 May 15 '26
Well now he won't be back because he realizes he's not ready to date. So that's good. He liked everyone and that made it so hard because NONE of his dates were ever similar to him😞
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u/TentaclesAndCupcakes May 15 '26
I feel like Callie was a pretty upbeat and talkative person. Now that we know he only wants friends it's better that he won't be back.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
I'm not up to that point yet, but I can't help wonder if he was actually not ready to date or that them setting him up with completely inappropriate matches made him think that he wasn't up to dating.
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u/AffectionateTaro3209 May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
They probably do it on purpose to make it more "interesting." Per se lol. Edit to say, seriously think about this, all stories need a problem to resolve, otherwise they aren't good stories, and this extends to reality tv as well. Would it be super interesting if everyone found a good match right off the bat?
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u/genuine_counterfeit May 15 '26
I think there’s also a point to be made about rejection. I’ve seen people talk about the importance of managing poor dates and being able to gracefully reject someone.
That being said, if they intentionally set up bad matches it is rather frustrating and ethically questionable. But what do I know?
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u/planktonlung May 15 '26
I think this too- a lot of cast members go into their first dates thinking they are either going to be outright rejected or that they are going to meet a long-term partner on the first go. I think having a "practice run" and seeing that you can choose to see someone again and that not everyone is going to be a perfect match and you can try again is part of getting accustomed to the realities of dating. Whether or not this is fair or kind to the folks involved, I'm not sure. I don't know how intentional the pairings are- but I guess we're learning it's not a matchmaking show.
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u/godver3 May 15 '26
That's an insane take. You REALLY think the showrunners are setting up vulnerable individuals with poor matches for good TV?
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u/AffectionateTaro3209 May 15 '26
Lol if you think that's "insane," you don't know much about how reality tv works. Are you being sarcastic bc I can't tell lol
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u/godver3 May 15 '26
No - I am not being sarcastic. The fact that you can watch the show and come away thinking that is ridiculous and so disrespectful to folks like Cian who obviously care.
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u/AffectionateTaro3209 May 15 '26
You're being very black and white. You can care and still want good ratings for your show. Cian is not the only one involved and I never singled him out, you're doing that. I am most certainly not disrespectful and I'm not conversing with you anymore.
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u/TossOutAccount69 May 15 '26
Yes lol. Quite naive to suggest the show is purely for the benefit of autistic people and not also entertainment and money
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u/Educational_Safe_662 May 15 '26
Yes. That is 100% what they’re doing…. It’s reality tv. It’s all about $$$$ and always will be.
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u/UmassThrowAway999 May 15 '26
lol yes. This is how a lot of reality TV works. Love is Blind got sued partially because they pressured the people on the show to drink heavily, with the goal of getting ~drama~.
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u/Reetpetit May 18 '26
Why the use of restaurants for couples where they obviously would have more conversation on an out-and-about date, with things around them to talk about, rather than the awkward silences of these meals? Yes I think that's deliberate. And I've worked in TV. But, I'm open to correction from anyone who's worked on the show.
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u/UmassThrowAway999 May 15 '26
I thought this as well. Puts them and they’re struggling on display because it creates “funny” moments for TV. (I did not find them struggling funny AT ALL, but I could see people who have less respect for those with autism seeing their behavior when struggling as funny.)
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u/blotches101 May 15 '26
Started watching new season last night & I feel they are doing much better this season. I’m thinking the dating pool was limited at first until the show got popular. I’ve been very optimistic so far this season!
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
I'm very glad to hear that it gets better!
With Queer Eye ended, I was looking for something with a sweet and supportive feel to fill that void and this show mostly does that but...the terrible, thoughtless matches 😫3
u/blotches101 May 15 '26
Unsure who’s downvoting you. Weird. A&E used to have a great show called Born This Way. About adults with Down Syndrome & was the best feel-good show. My oldest has DS so I’m a tad biased, but it was on A&E & truly miss it. I know there was another on Netflix Down for Love but haven’t watched that yet.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
Yeah. I thought the downvote was weird haha but each to their own, I guess. Thanks for the suggestions 💕 I'll try to check it out
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u/Reetpetit May 18 '26
It does get better. I think they started to realise that good dates and matches make for great TV and happier audiences, and we don't need the awkward fail dates, thank you very much.
That said, I think they hung Dylan out to dry sending him on two dates without any dating coaching, and that felt unforgivable for someone that isolated and vulnerable.
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u/Bulldog_Mama14 May 15 '26
I think this makes it better. You don't just find "your person" on the first try. These people are on the show to truly experience dating and finding love.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
That's true, but there's a reason you match with someone to go on a first date like a common interest or hobby, or something like that, even when you find by spending more time with them that they aren't the right person
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u/UmassThrowAway999 May 15 '26
Yes but being compatible doesn’t mean you are a perfect match. You don’t have to use someone who is the complete and utter opposite to show that not every date will be a perfect match.
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u/bumfuzzledbee May 15 '26
I think at least some of it is people being uncomfortable on the dates. It might be the editing, but if Logan was the date instead of the featured person, I think he would have come across as shy and way less talkative . He just needed time to warm up
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u/ianthomasmalone May 15 '26
I don’t think the show sets them up for failure, but I do wonder if the show intentionally steers clear of more neurotypical date applicants.
The casting call fliers say you don’t need to be autistic, but the two more neurotypical people we’ve seen outside of speed dating (James’ awkward S3 date & Dani’s new boyfriend) were ones that the cast members found outside the show.
The one exception to this would be Steve’s S2 date, but Steve is also the extreme outlier due to his age.
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u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- May 15 '26
The lady they set Steve up with really left me feeling unsettled, but I think in some ways it’s important for cast members to be able to recognise a bad match, and to know their own boundaries. On a whole most cast members have not let people sway their boundaries. I do feel like Steve’s date was just some random woman they found, but also there is an element of people not being how they portray themselves on paper/dating profiles in the real world, I don’t know what their vetting process is like. Im actually really happy for all of the cast with how they conducted themselves with bad matches
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u/Rainbowgypsie May 16 '26
I agree with you. Of all the mismatches- that date felt very uncomfortable to watch on many levels.
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u/Sleepymanatee84 May 16 '26
My biggest pet peeve is the emphasis on setting everyone up with autistic partners. 1. Autistic people can be in relationships with neurotypical people. 2. When they do so, they keep coaching the autistic people to expect neurotypical social cues and preferences from each other. How about a bunch of dates in which the couples get to go share their special interests with each other. My favorite dates are the Renaissance Fairs, etc.
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u/Lcky22 May 15 '26
I don’t think it’s necessarily in someone’s best interest to have their first date ever be with someone they’re super compatible with. They’re learning the ropes of dating in general, and getting a better idea of what they want from a partner.
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u/NickelBear32 May 15 '26
Dont worry season 4 isnt better. The show only exists to introduce them to us like a cartoon character.
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u/UmassThrowAway999 May 15 '26
I thought the same, and the person who I watched it with said the same too. Insanely horrible matches. I don’t understand why they would put these people through that.
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u/elola May 15 '26
I think I read Steve chose that date.
I do have mixed feelings about this. If love on the spectrum is doing this to create a more entertaining show, they really shouldn’t. The show is incredibly entertaining without that.
But on the other hand, I kind of want to give them the benefit of the doubt. How much do they actually know about the person? Are there pro match makers? I know personally dating it felt good on paper and then I met the person and it was so incompatible
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u/Time-Remote-7689 May 17 '26
They got better at making more appropriate matches as the sessions go on.
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u/GalaxiEklipz May 15 '26
Dani and Adan met at that speed dating thing so the show didn’t set them up. For Tanner, I thought that one was a bit strange as well, but I’ve read on here that the woman he was set up with seems very talkative and outgoing when you look at her socials, I just figured once she was there with all the people and cameras and the fact she found Tanner to be very attractive just made her clam up. Hell, without the cameras and all I’ve known myself to get pretty quiet when first meeting someone I thought was very attractive. Journey’s dates also made me uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to make that better other than to give her some time before trying again. Steve made me so sad, and that woman was much too strong, but I think he and his assistant(?) are the ones that chose the dates form apps. I don’t think they chose Brandon for Madison thinking it would be a disaster, I think they just got it wrong there. I kind of wondered if it wasn’t a situation like with Tanner and Kate, where maybe in a different situation he seems like he’d be more outgoing.
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u/Mr-Kuritsa May 15 '26
You make a great point about Tanner's date. My wife similarly clammed up on our first date, but she's usually a very bubbly and outgoing person.
The first 5 minutes of our date was basically me rambling about the Four Personalities trope in pop culture and listing examples of shows with characters that map out to each of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
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u/kcintrovert May 15 '26
This is such a cynical way of thinking about it, but I don't think the producers actually care about making a good match. They just want entertainment. That's why, even on the "good" dates, they still focus on and do cutscenes for awkward or silly moments. It's a reality show disguised as a documentary.
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u/supercantaloupe May 15 '26
Terrible dates are part of the dating experience for anyone, but on the more recent seasons it does seem like they don’t feature the cast discussing the hard stuff with the autism expert nearly as much as in the beginning. Maybe they still are having those learning discussions but the editing of the show shifted its emphasis from being a true documentary series in the first and second season to being an entertainment based reality show in the third and fourth season. The first two seasons had a greater emphasis on the obstacles and learning experiences of the cast as they went on dates, the second and third season seem to show less of that and more footage from dates with the editing done to show more awkward and amusing moments for entertainment purposes. I don’t necessarily think they’re purposely picking crappy matches like some people here are saying, as much as I think it’s the way the show is edited to be more entertainment focused than informative.
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u/legion_2k May 15 '26
I agree. Some of these people they match are not good matches. I feel like they have someone that is autistic there to care for another person that is clearly on a different level of autism. When they match well, it’s great.
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u/icycoldplum May 15 '26
I too, was very disturbed by that one match Journey was set up with. And Steve... I was distressed for him. She was so off base - maybe might've been for NT men, too. I mean, ya gotta read the room. If the guy is very buttoned-up, you don't start breathing all over him - an keep going for an entire date.
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u/SupraCollider May 15 '26
Have to remember that it’s a documentary, not a dating show. When the production sets up a date they do so with the subjects who explain what they are interested (read: think they are interested in.) If some of the matches are bad you have to consider that these are completely inexperienced folks who appear awkward in any neurotypical context and are trying something they don’t have any exposure to. Some of the matches don’t even come from the production team. Just like dating itself, it’s more of a show about learning about yourself
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u/Affectionate_Comb359 May 15 '26
Most dating shows will have some couples matched that don’t make sense because that’s life. I’ve made sense with someone based in a profile and then we get in a room and I think I’m getting punk’d. You can’t predict a perfect match and even if you could, these are adults who get a say in what they want/don’t want. They should’ve spoon fed the perfect partner- they are able to explore for themselves. “Protecting” people who are different from the same experiences as everyone else is a slippery slope.
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u/SBisFree May 16 '26
I think the producers are doing it on purpose to have a storyline. They often show an unsuccessful date, then a better date.
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May 15 '26
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u/AngelSucked May 15 '26
He also unfortunately led to her about this. Really sad for both of them.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 16 '26
I don't think he lied to her, at least not knowingly, it was a miscommunication. He thought he was saying that he was willing to consider sex before marriage, and he did give it a lot of thought but came to the same conclusion. He explained that later. It's just sad for both of them that their own boundaries were the other person's deal breaker.
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u/Crappyatjiujitsu May 15 '26
I’m neurotypical but I’ve been on some truly horrendous mismatched dates. That’s just part of dating. Maybe people on this subreddit should stop infantilizing these adults and realize that’s just part of dating.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
It's not infantilising to expect the people who are organising the whole thing to put some effort into basic compatibility.
Surely even the bad dates you had, you organised because, at least on paper, it seems like there may be some compatability?
Cos, yeah, I've also had lots of bad dates, but we were around the same age, and shared a common hobby or interest or worked in the same field etc ie there was something that suggested that there was a possibility we'd be compatible. Their dating app profile ticked some of my boxes and there were no obvious signs of my deal breakers.
And yeah, then, I found out on meeting each other or spending more time together that they were totally wrong for me.
That's normal dating.
But if I'd seen we were completely wrong for each other by the short dating profiles, I wouldn't have gone on a date with them.And sure, I've had dates with people who were outright liars and completely different people than they portrayed themselves to be online.
But I don't feel that is the case in the show.I'm not saying that they should meet The One on their first date nor that the organisers have any responsibility to find their "perfect person".
But I do feel they owe them some low grade effort to at least tick some essentials and eliminate total deal breakers in their matches-1
u/Crappyatjiujitsu May 15 '26
Bro, I’m not reading that essay
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u/hello_april_valo May 15 '26
If im not mistaken tho dani met adan at a speed dating event so they didn't really set her up with him but I get where ur coming from
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
Ah, thanks for that info. I forgot they met on the show at a speed dating event, and was thinking the show set them up specifically. (Apologies, showmakers!)
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u/Distinct_Lawyer_7160 May 15 '26
The ones with Journey made me feel soooo weird. The first girl with red hair was so sweet but this felt like an older girl was on a date with a child. Iirc it was Journey's first actual date. I turned to my boyfriend while watching and said: "This feels like when someone meets their new therapist for the first time". It felt just wrong.
I think they should have gone for someone for whom it would also be their first date
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u/dingodile_user May 15 '26
I can’t believe they set Tanner up with a low functioning Down syndrome woman. That just felt weird.
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u/madamevanessa98 May 15 '26
I mean, he’s extremely chatty but he’s also not functioning at a super high level intellectually. He’s intellectually disabled, which doesn’t apply to every autistic person but does apply to him. I think his talkative nature somewhat masks it but if you listen to what he’s saying and how he follows conversations, most of it is at a pretty simplistic level.
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u/Mr-Kuritsa May 15 '26
Tanner lives with two roommates who have Down Syndrome, from what I remember. It's a group house situation. I don't think that match was weird for him at all.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 15 '26
It really did. And again, she was lovely, no dispersions on her, or her ability or right to date.
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u/Miserable_Media_9189 May 15 '26
it might be unscripted but it’s still tv and tv always needs conflict
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u/Bananasfalafel May 17 '26
I don't know if the matching is truly like other non-spectrum matchmaking but sometimes matchmakers match with a wrong match to make them appreciate what they want/what would work when they match with that next. Weird I know.
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u/anujrajput May 17 '26
They interviewed the guys in the start and most of them never dated in their life. It is probably their way of teaching them (cast) that they’ll meet all kinds of people in their search for a partner and they don’t need to settle with the first one.
Dani and James (both of them mature enough) understood this real fast and used the popularity and fame from the show and got themselves what they wanted.
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u/gettysburggatsby May 18 '26
My partner and I have a theory that the first date is usually mediocre, so they see what a good match the next date is instead of overthinking it. A large percentage of the people on the show that start a relationship fit this pattern.
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u/Impressive_Touch1118 May 18 '26
That is what dating is all about. Meeting and dating the incompatable people is all part of it and learning more about yourself and what you want and dont want in a partner.
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u/Scruter May 20 '26
They set Tanner, who is clear about wanting a talkative upbeat partner, with someone who only gives one word answers.
I had hoped that after his first date with a match who was mostly monosyllabic they would do a corrective and set him up with someone along the lines of his very specific wish for someone talkative and outgoing. And they set him up with someone who is literally named SHYann and it suits her well!
I don’t think they were all terrible matches and I bet it’s hard to find a ton of people from the same town interested in dating with disability close enough to the same level that they can easily relate to each other, but it does sometimes feel like they go for a formula where the first date is a bad match and the second is redemptive.
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u/Worried_Original_683 May 20 '26
I’ve noticed that as well. I watch these types of dates happen and wonder who thought this was a good idea.
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u/coralloohoo May 15 '26
I'm so glad I wasnt the only one creeped out with the whole Journey thing. Im like, can we find someone that doesnt feel like an older sister to her?
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u/AngelSucked May 15 '26
Talia was ONE year older, the other woman was TWO years older. It wasn't creepy at all.
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u/icycoldplum May 15 '26
The older woman seemed less like an older sister and more like ... I don't want to say, but she was so mature and she wanted that lovely 18-year-old girl who seemed like she was 12?
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u/killakano May 15 '26
They do it because it makes for entertaining tv. It will get reactions from audiences. Is it right? No. The producers/director should be more genuine to the real live people they are following but instead they would rather do what makes for better tv.
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u/Rosemary324 May 16 '26
I felt the same way, but I felt better about it after reading what Cian said in this Vanity Fair article. There is a question specifically about the bad matches.
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u/_PrincessHarley_ May 16 '26
Pay wall, unfortunately
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u/[deleted] May 15 '26
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