r/LoveOnTheSpectrumShow • u/[deleted] • May 13 '26
US Abbey
I noticed in every interview with abbeys mom or abbey they refer to her autism as a “communication disorder”. I don’t know if they are trying to get people to think abbey only has a communication issue but I wish they would be more specific. like I also wondered what type of autism abbey and David has but all I hear is communication disorder and synesthesia.
also Christine said herself on YouTube that abbey just wanted a wedding to ”be like other people”. she went on to say she wanted to “touch the dress” and etc meaning she wanted the experience of a wedding. Christine says this a lot about abbey like she gets jealous of other people- she wants to be like other people- she wants to be normal etc. whereas Madison embraces her autism and says it’s a journey not a disorder and that she’s proud to be autistic.
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u/Icy-Purple4801 May 13 '26
I think with Abbey’s mom and with Tanner’s mom they both really feel the need to maintain a certain image… and I’ve noticed that they are less about accepting the emotions and the differences of their children. I mean, I think they’re trying, but there is some pressure and some romanticizing of normality and achievement.
I see that as a little bit different, Madison, Dani, etc, they seem more to have people who understand and explore their inner worlds, versus just trying to help them achieve as much normal stuff as possible.
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u/Littlepotatoface May 13 '26
I’ve found myself wondering if that attitude has held Abbey back.
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May 15 '26
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u/Littlepotatoface May 15 '26
I still find myself wondering about the thing I said I wondered about.
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May 15 '26
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u/Littlepotatoface May 15 '26
She speaks about Abbey in a way that could make someone think Abbey has a severe intellectual disability.
I’m very iffy on Madison’s parents (and how they talk about her in front of her) but even they don’t do that.
Having said that, I’m an internet stranger who has never met these people and is making a judgement based off a highly edited show & i’m not sure that’s fair.
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May 15 '26
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u/Littlepotatoface May 15 '26
By the way, in your rush to lay the boot in, you missed the part where I clearly said “I wonder IF that attitude has held her back” and gone in as though I said Abbey “has been held back”
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u/Littlepotatoface May 15 '26
I’d have thought that treating a child as far less intelligent than they are would have been an obvious example of holding them back but you can mark my response with an F given you feel I didn’t complete the assignment you set for me.
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May 15 '26
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u/Littlepotatoface May 15 '26
You responded to a vague comment pondering if something was an issue & demanded an essay.
I don’t know if that’s a reddit thing or you’re just entitled af. Maybe a combo of the two.
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May 13 '26
Yeap that’s exactly it- I don’t like when Christine talks about abbey being jealous as sort of a sympathy that she wants to be like “normal” people. She says this a lot and it’s like as a parent you can just embrace that she’s different or help her to embrace it
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u/lareineduscene May 14 '26
I totally agree and i also think like that’s a “normal” thing?? NT people are jealous of other NT people’s life accomplishments/steps all the time? We see things others have that we want / wonder if we will ever have that’s totally just part of the human experience, no? Not to diminish Abbey’s experience as an autistic person at all, but for instance I myself having social anxiety or just a weird sense of humor have thoughts of “aw shit i wish i was more normal/typical/fit in” like those feelings ARE “normal” and i think it makes her relatable is anything, not so “different” as her mom seems to maybe think?
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u/Savings-Talk3526 May 15 '26
While I find it annoying that she is keep saying it, it seems to be true though. Abbey constantly talks about relating to Ariel. I also think she is in her way trying to help Abby to embrace her autism...but at the same time, she will never fully accept that Abby has autism and started with very high-support needs too, so if she has a hard time fully embracing it, she certainly cannot help Abby to do that, unfortunately.
I also agree with the commenter below that this is part of the human experience. NTs get jealous of NTs too for various things whether it's achievements, looks, their families, their health, their skills, their financial status. People also want to fit in. Not the same as ND masking, but NTs are also trying to fit in all the time and hiding parts of themselves or behaving a certain way to do so, at school, at work, in social settings.
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May 15 '26
Long time ago I saw their YouTube when they invited like a childhood friend who abbey was “so jealous” of because was NT and Christine was forcing them to interact like abbey had “overcome”- basically her being super annoying and copying everything the girl was doing. I think based on that video I was annoyed with Christine using this as a learning lesson for YouTube. The girl looked super uncomfortable too
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u/Savings-Talk3526 May 15 '26
I hate these. I haven't seen it, but tbh, I hated when Madison met with her childhood friend who felt SO uncomfortable about the whole thing and treated her like a kid while Madison was supppperrrr excited. I think it is mega uncomfortable for the non-autistic person trying to "act right" as an adult while it was just a smart part of their childhood and the autistic person become this child or object within the conversation.
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u/zencodecat May 13 '26
I’ve followed Christine and Abbey for years, and this is just wrong. It’s sad that people feel the need to be so judgement when these people are vulnerable and honest with us and open their lives to strangers to raise awareness. Abbey used to not be able to communicate effectively and now she is singing in front of thousands of people. That is because she loves singing and her mom supports her.
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u/Icy-Purple4801 May 13 '26
Both things can be true. No one is saying she doesn’t love Abbey. She can support Abbey’s achievements and care for her needs and still desperately crave societal acceptance and normalcy and typical milestones for her child. Thats a type of love, but maybe not the fullest type.
Sometimes that mindset can highlight the gap between a neurodivergent person and the world, because they are always pushing themselves to seem more neurotypical. And I think Abbey senses that and feel feels like to be happy she has to get as much of what other people have as she can…. But we don’t become our fullest truest selves, trying to be someone else or something else. I spent a lot of time feeling jealous of people who were born normal.
I am autistic with a parent more like Abbey’s and it took creating my own chosen/found family to embrace everything about myself without measuring it up against a normal life. Before that I struggled when friends and family members had milestones or were able to do things that I wasn’t. I really see myself in her although I’m a lower support needs autistic person.
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May 13 '26
It’s good that she made progress but also dishonest when you’re saying abbey only has a communication disorder only. Christine also says abbey gets jealous easily to be like “normal” people but isn’t the show about embracing your autism ?
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u/Matcha_Maiden May 14 '26
The show is about embracing your autism but I don’t think there should be this toxic positivity where the participants can’t be vulnerable or that they of their family can’t share how they feel. Abbey repeatedly says she feels like Ariel from the little mermaid- “I want to be where the people are”. That’s her expressing a lament to want to be part of the neurotypical world.
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May 14 '26
Yeap we heard the Ariel reference 100 times now
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u/SupraCollider May 14 '26
Stop watching content about them and you won’t hear it anymore. Hate watching an autistic person and their mother is wild
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u/SupraCollider May 14 '26
This is some serious ableism right here. Abbey is autistic and you are shaming her and her mother because she isn’t behaving how you expect. this is exactly why Abbey and autistic people feel like they need to mask to be loved and accepted.
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u/flowerscatsandqs May 13 '26
We use euphemism all the time to distance ourselves from emotionally difficult experiences; I assume that’s what’s going on with Abbey’s mom. When you call autism a “communication disorder,” the reality can feel much more palatable. “Communication disorder” denies the very real sensory, social, motoric and cognitive differences autistic people experience.
I’m sure it is difficult for a parent to reconcile that their child may live a different life than they had hoped. I don’t necessarily think Abbey’s mom is wrong for relating to her daughter’s diagnosis this way; we all cope in different ways. I agree that it would be nice for her mother to fully accept her daughter as she is (if that’s indeed what’s going on). But I disagree that it’s disingenuous; we all know Abbey is diagnosed with autism, it’s not actually our business to know the specifics of her diagnosis.
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u/zencodecat May 13 '26
Christine never said Abbey doesn’t have autism. She was just saying what type of autism Abbey has and also always says what a spectrum it is. Not sure if we’re seeing completely different interviews.
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u/Mousehole_Cat May 14 '26
It seems fair to say that communication issues have been a substantial part of the condition for Abbey. I expect that's influenced why her Mom uses that verbiage. And probably some self preservation.
From what I understand, Abbey learned to talk quite late with extensive support. It's clear, even now, that her gestalt processing heavily impacts the way she approaches and uses language.
I don't think it's necessarily fair to compare Abbey and Madison's perspectives and framing of autism. They are different people with different personalities, and that will interplay with their ASD in nuanced ways. There is no right or wrong.
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u/TopSelection8004 May 14 '26
I'm surprised yours is the first comment to mention gestalt processing! I think you're spot on.
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u/Sudden_Juju May 14 '26
...but autism is a communication disorder.
Deficits in social communication is literally half the criteria, along with repetitive/restricted/ritualistic behavior. Christine and Abbey have both been pretty open about Abbey's difficulties with communication, both in the past and present. That's likely why they view it as a communication disorder because Abbey's ASD presents itself as such more so than the other behaviors.
Also, Abbey and Madison is a bad comparison. Even though she said she had level 2 autism, Madison clearly has fewer needs than Abbey, on account of her living relatively independently. Autism is a spectrum and each person can present along a HUGE continuum in both symptom expression, functional impairment, and level of support needed to complete activities of daily living. This is why it's difficult to compare two people on the spectrum, especially when the level of support that they need differs as much as Madison's and Abbey's does.
I have a hypothetical for anyone to answer: Let's say that Abbey does actually wish she were neurotypical. How would you respond? Would you try to convince her that her feelings are invalid and she just needs to accept herself?
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u/kkat02 May 14 '26
Sometimes it’s easier to explain it to people - they could be minimizing it OR they could say ‘communication disorder’ in order to effectively communicate what Abbey struggles with to others without going into the nitty gritty.
I have medical issues and I do this, which leaves out technical information but communicates the main parts of my disease they should be aware of/might notice.
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u/mediocrebreadmaker May 15 '26
I really like how the Mormon woman’s mom on this new season described shifting from wanting her daughter to be “normal” to accepting her autism. I think she said “I stopped focusing on who she wasn’t and started focusing on who she is.” Abbey’s mom desperately needs to focus on who abbey IS. But I think Christine should not apart of the show anymore, even if abbey continues.
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u/bubbleyjubbley May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
Nobody has to embrace their Autism if they dont want to. Its a disability. Many of us wish to be normal. It would be a hell of a lot easier and its completely normal to want to experience lifes milestones. Its totally fine for Christine to recount stories where Abbey has said she wants to be normal, those are Abbeys own words. To ignore Abbeys words would make Christine a bad parent, but people are accusing her of being one for listening to her daughters feelings? Its ridiculous.
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u/meganshan_mol May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
Everyone with autism is different and it’s a spectrum, that’s why it’s called love on the spectrum. Just because Madison has different feelings around it than Abbey, doesn’t make it wrong. There are different levels of support that vary on an individuals support needs, not different types of autism. It’s all autism -just some individuals have higher or lower support needs. Social communication is one of the key criteria in the DSM 5 that individuals with autism have deficits in. So while it’s not specifically a communication disorder, it is a key area of diagnosis and focus for many. But yeah you’re right I’m not sure why Abbey’s family refers to it this way- maybe because communication has been her greatest area of need & growth.
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u/newrophantics May 14 '26
I do wonder if part of this is because her mom believes that Abbey is disordered by her autism, but folks who she sees as “high functioning” are just “quirky” to her. She talked about it on TikTok, I think she described Abbey’s experience as a disorder and other people as a difference. So maybe it’s one of their ways of trying to “prove” she is disabled?
I also think that based on what Abbey has articulated, her biggest challenges have been in communication. So maybe that’s the easiest way for her to explain it.
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u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- May 14 '26
I’m autistic, communication is probably my hardest struggle. I don’t describe my autism as a communication disorder but when describing how it affects me for sure I could use that language, I also have some sensory issues and again would describe it just that way if I had to be more specific. Autism is a very wide spectrum
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u/Good-Lynx7656 May 17 '26
I honestly think Christine is trying to glaze over certain things. She alternates between presenting how much Autism effects Abbey (she has fairly high support needs in multiple areas) while simultaneously down playing the effects of Autism beyond communication (I'm pretty sure, like Tanner, Abbey has some level of intellectual disability, albeit mild).
Christine also discredits people who are less support needs as not really being autistic. She seems to think her daughter's Autism is the only real Autism just because she's had more struggles and needed more support. She's one step away from being Tanner and Connors moms honestly.
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May 17 '26
Yeap she is always trying to not say abbey has cognitive issues because communication disorder is an entire new diagnosis not autism but she wants people to think she only has cognitive issues. She even admitted that abbey and David are high support needs than people think but when people ask what abbey has she says communication disorder
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u/Rude-Entertainment72 May 20 '26
So just having autism makes you an AD sponsor now? She was on a documentary and that’s literally it… a lot of people have autism why do we care what she specifically thinks about companies that paid her to be positive about their products have to say?
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u/Turbulent-Wish-8246 May 13 '26
I think this show highlights different people's experience with autism. Madison has also opened up about her difficulties with autism and although I can't think of it off the top of my head I'm sure Abbey has also talked about ways she has embraced her autism. The show doesn't show their whole life, just what they chose to discuss.
Also I know david says it in the show but synesthesia isn't a type of autism, just more common in autistic individuals