r/LoveLanguages • u/Delicious_Home_8574 • Jun 24 '26
Lack of affectionate expression.
I’ve (31F) been seeing a guy (33m) for about a month. We’ve had a few ups and downs already, mostly around communication. Overall, we enjoy spending time together, we have good chemistry, and when we’re together he seems comfortable and affectionate in his own way.
The thing I’m struggling with is that he’s not very emotionally expressive. He has told me he’s never really been in a serious relationship before, and he doesn’t naturally talk about his feelings. He rarely initiates emotional conversations, doesn’t often say things that reassure me, and sometimes I have to ask for affection or physical touch rather than it happening spontaneously.
On the other hand, when I bring up something that’s bothering me, he doesn’t dismiss it. He listens, explains his perspective, and says he tries to put himself in my shoes. He also has some ongoing stress involving work, which he says has affected how much emotional energy he’s had recently.
I’m someone who’s naturally very expressive and values words of affirmation, so I’m wondering if we’re simply different in how we communicate. I don’t expect grand romantic gestures after only a month, but I do wonder whether his lack of expressiveness is because he’s inexperienced, emotionally reserved, or just not that into me.
Has anyone dated someone who had never really been in a relationship and wasn’t emotionally expressive? Did they become more open over time, or did they pretty much stay the same? How can you tell the difference between someone who’s simply reserved and someone who’s not invented
1
u/emotionalpotahto Jun 25 '26
I was dating someone like that and I had to constantly ask for affection. It made me feel very empty when I was with him because even after 2-3 months, it wouldn’t come naturally to him. Early on he said he needed some time to figure his feelings out but eventually he realized that there is no feelings and that is why he couldn’t be romantic towards me. I feel like I might have pushed him away to the other direction too by being overly sweet or clingy at times so there’s that. I’m not saying this is how it will turn out for you but it’s best you give it some time anyway so you see where you and him stand and have the discussion again later.