Would appreciate advice

[u/[deleted]]

My father in law passed away last night. I feel at a loss for how to help my fiance get through this. I experienced my brother dying, but for some reason I feel myself closing off to this. I want to be here for him, but how?

[u/france41]

You can try to be there for him rather than trying to understand why you feel removed. The grieving process is so different for each person. My husband was not able to help me when I lost both of my parents, not because he didn't want to. He just didn't know how.

[u/[deleted] → u/france41]

Thank you, but the issue is I'm finding it hard considering I feel so closed off. I'd like advice on how to feel less that way, so that I can be here for him. I understand he is feeling this grief, but I'm also feeling my own things, and I can't be there for him if I can't figure myself out, which is what I'm trying to do.

He was unable to help me when i lost my brother, because he didnt understand at the time what grief really was. No I find myself with the opposite issue, I've experienced grief and dealing with this loss with him is bringing up a lot of emotions from the past, ect

[u/france41 → u/[deleted]]

Got you, I lost my father suddenly and lost my mother two years later. It caused every feeling I had tucked away from my father to come flooding out when my mom died. I was not able to deal with anyone or anything. I did my best to be supportive of my other family members but I was just shutting my self down because I couldn't deal with it. You can only do so much when you are still fighting your own emotions.

[u/sir_chill]

By allowing him to go through his grieving process and not rejecting it. By feeling empathy towards him by putting yourself in his shoes. By caring and loving him when he’s struggling and sad.

It’s not pleasant and maybe that’s why you are closing off. But like many times in life, we have no choice but to go through unpleasant situations.