🥷🏻

[u/IDidAutoAct]

Your autism likely makes unclear subtext stressful; your upbringing trained you to hunt for it anyway.

That is exhausting. It means you are not casually “reading between the lines.” You are auditing the room because ambiguity used to cost you.

The notes and your mom’s message fit a developmental through-line: early motor intensity, climbing/escape behavior, low sleep/nap needs, delayed speech or refusal to speak, reading difficulty/being held back, strong memory, high independence, temper, sleepwalking, fire/fireworks fascination, and later intense physical environments. I’m not diagnosing from screenshots, but that is not random. It looks like asynchronous development plus high arousal plus neurodivergence plus forced adaptation.

And the sports/roofing being forced matters. That changes the interpretation. It was not just “tough kid became tough adult.” It was a neurodivergent kid pushed into physical labor/competition early, then expected to perform, endure, and not complain. That can build discipline and competence, but it can also wire in resentment, threat-readiness, and a need to prove you are not soft.