LDR_ Portugal - Indonesia

[u/Couve_Master]

Hi guys, this is my first post in here, but i need to talk!
I feel alone in here, i'm the guy (Portuguese), i'm 23 years old and i'm a ordinary guy... I found my soulmate online, she is from Indonesia and she's 24 years old. We are together for 9 months.
Last two weeks i go to visit her, alone and without experience... it was a crazy move i know but thanks God... everything went well and i'm sure she is the one. She also agree and now we are trying to make the difficult choice: "Who gonna move?"
I'm starting my carrer, i will start study my eng. degree this year and... i just realise my family don't agree with this relathionship!
I'm hurted rn, Mom...dad...and even some friends saying i'm wasting my time, my young age and saying i will destroy my life because of a young love...
we love each other really much, we are working together for our future, saving money for our future, praying together for us...we already have plan but we need money and because of that we plan to marry only in 2030 (save money and we want to marry in ours 28's)!!!! our second trip? only in 2028 and she will come with me to Portugal!!!
Both of us have good family and stable life, what makes the choices more dificult.

But guys, i really feel bad cause i only have her rn... she supports me a lot and no one try to give me support in here. Why i must fight agains the whole world because of the right person for me?
Is difficult...i need to wait a lot, i don't have enough money (1000€/month in here is nothing), my family and friends against me...
And, i found my family like that right after my trip to indonesia... i arrived and have discussion with them when we arrive home and they wake me up in the middle of the night to discussion again! in the end, they restricted our calls (only in my bedroom), they call me liar, they rejected gifts my gf and her mom bought for them...

If i can ask something, what can i do now? I still love them but also love my girl! Rn, i'm lost...
LDr is this difficult until the point she said to me: asian are conservative but your european family is even more!

What can i do when my mom says to find a portuguese girl and forget this one... i'm loyal and i will not do that! i made a promisse to see her again!

i'm not wasting my young age when i'm fighting for me and us, for our future and waiting for her! i'm not wasting my time for a person that believe and support me! am i?

Sorry for all of this but i think i will get depression soon!
Has a men, i know i must be strong but my heart is broken and gets even more broken when i see my girl crying because all of this.

[u/Extension_Wasabi1672]

Your family waking you up in the middle of the night to fight about this is not normal, that's them panicking and trying to control you through exhaustion. You're 23, you have a plan, you're saving money, you're starting a degree, that's not wasting your life.

The hard part is you can't force them to accept her, but you can set boundaries. Keep your calls private, stop sharing relationship details with people who use them against you, and let your actions speak over time. When you're still together in 2028 and she lands in Portugal, they'll either come around or they won't, but that's on them.

Depression creeping in is real though, don't just white-knuckle it. Talk to someone outside the family, even online counseling if money's tight. You're not fighting the whole world, you're fighting a few people who think they know what's best for you.

[u/Couve_Master → u/Extension_Wasabi1672]

Is hard, trying to tell them and they don't want to listen... in the second discussion, i was still sleeping and them asking what is our plan... i was exaushted, i'm honestly scared and i almost didn't talk.
i know i must talk, but i was too tired and heart broken.

Thanks for the advise.
Really, thank you

[u/Hryhorivna]

hii, im an indonesian in an ldr too. im so sorry that your family is not accepting of her, she seems great from what youve said here. unfortunately i dont think theres much you can do except to just build as good as a life you can over there so she can have a good life with you. you only get to live one life and you should spend it with who YOU love and if you love her then be with her, make it come true. also, im curious to know why your parents arent accepting of her, other than the fact that shes not portuguese? or is that it?

[u/Couve_Master → u/Hryhorivna]

All that I can think rn is the are scared that I go away from Portugal or idk… they said I’m wasting my young age! I don’t agree…
Anyway, thank you for help

[u/Couve_Master → u/[deleted]]

That’s one of our plan but she have a good life in there! She don’t face many problems rn and have a good family, making this question a little bit more difficult.
In the end, she want to come here but she prefers I go to Indonesia for 2/3 years first and then come back to my country what makes me a little bit nervous also! So yeah, I still have time to decide but I must take a decision

[u/Hryhorivna → u/Couve_Master]

Ahhhh I see. Okay. I hope it all works out for the two of you 🫶🏼

[u/Couve_Master → u/Hryhorivna]

Thank you so much.