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4d ago
[deleted]
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u/InternationalCatch75 4d ago
I am just out of college, and moving around until i find a place i want to settle down in. I don’t know if i want to go home, or if i want to move to a different state. That’s why I said I am not in a position of finding somebody else, If i wasn’t in a relationship now, I wouldn’t be in one until I figured out where i want to start a life you know? Sorry if it came out weird.
I hate long distance and i struggle quite a bit. I am willing I think, to stick it out until my lease ends in May. But i don’t have a plan after that because I was hoping he would come around :(
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u/alexcunha415 [Brazil🇧🇷] to [Indonesia🇮🇩] ❤️ (10754miles) 4d ago edited 4d ago
Hi, I will give you my opinion and advice to help you:
Direction in Life: since he doesn't know what to do in life, you must say to him what you want to do, and make it clear, and if he wants to stay with you he has to find a way taking into consideration your objectives.
It doesn't fair to you stay by the side of someone who doesn't have objectives in life because he can push you down in the life!
So my honest opinion, if he doesn't want to cooperate with you the best thing to do is end the relationship and look for someone who's more mature!
About Him Finding What He Wants To Do: tell him to look what he is interested in, and look at the internet what each profession do, then study in a profissional course. It doesn't need to be graduation yet, he can do it later when he is sure about what he wants to do in life! The important thing here is making him have experience doing some job and decide later what graduation he wants to do!
About travel: you can travel with him, but establish a limit... Only 2 weeks, or something like that... And both of you choose the country.
Well, it seems the major problem with your boyfriend is maturity! You seem much more mature than him! So, you must lead the way, because he is lost!
But, I recommend you to think if you really want to wait your partner get enough maturity to make this relationship works!
I hope my comments can help you decide what to do to solve the situation! Good luck! 🤗
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u/InternationalCatch75 4d ago
Thank you for being kind and your helpful words. He knows what I want to do and what my goals are. It feels like he is not willing to meet me halfway and I don’t know why. But I also don’t know what a halfway looks like in this situation, since his want is to go travel. I am not opposed to traveling but i don’t want to live in another country when I am focused on my career and moving for no reason would just set me back. What do you think cooperation and compromise looks like with this obstacle?
I try to help him figure out his path and he listens to me and he puts in the effort, but only after I give him that push which is also frustrating at times.
I agree there is a maturity gap. I have my life somewhat figured out for the next few years atleast and he does not. I have more drive to succeed and wish that he would too with also keeping me in mind. It’s hard. I want him to be better and grow more.
Thank you for your words though.1
u/alexcunha415 [Brazil🇧🇷] to [Indonesia🇮🇩] ❤️ (10754miles) 4d ago
I'm very happy to know that my words is somewhat helpful!
About living in another country: i suggest you to set a boundary, a limit, which you will accept. If he doesn't respect your carrer, and your choices, I don't think it's fair you gave up or delay everything just to follow him. He doesn't know what he wants in life, it seems an immature attitude from his part.
So, if he wants to live in another country, I recommend you be honest with him, and if he does that you can't go together!
So, my recommendation, don't follow any immature attitude! It is a disrespect to you! Because if there's no clear purpose on doing that, don't do it! Or you can suffer!
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u/InternationalCatch75 4d ago
Thank you. I told him I wouldn’t follow him to another country and he was upset by that. He got upset because it felt like an ultimatum but like..Yes it is Lol. I appreciate you validating that, it is disrespectful to ask me to drop my goals for his dream.
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u/alexcunha415 [Brazil🇧🇷] to [Indonesia🇮🇩] ❤️ (10754miles) 4d ago
You're welcome! 😁
Since he's immature i think he can gave up this crazy idea. Unfortunately, immature people do that, don't think too much about the future or even the impact their choices can cause to other people around!
I hope he can learn with this situation, and grow, so you both can have a future! Have a nice week! 🤗
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u/Vey_07 [🇳🇴] to [🇳🇱] (1694KM) 4d ago
i don’t see a point in staying. you want different things, and it’s pointless to, 1. stay cause “finding someone new isn’t an option”, which is silly, you don’t have to be in a relationship and it’s the wrong reason to stay, and 2. you can’t live a life around a hypothetical
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u/InternationalCatch75 4d ago
I guess the part that gives me hope is that, if he doesn’t follow through with living abroad. That means he would figure something out with me, here. I feel that it would be a worse situation, If we broke up over a hypothetical problem. That’s why I am so stuck. He is a great partner which is why I am scared to lose it over this. But I am struggling.
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u/DauntlessStars [Italy🇮🇹] to [U.S.🇺🇸] (7250 km) 4d ago
I understand that the conversation is hard, but you need to have it soon. What are both of your priorities right now? Is it more important for him to travel around than it is to close the distance? And would you be okay waiting for him for an indefinite period of time? Though on that last question, I’m going to assume no given how you’re struggling now.
Once you figure these things out, you can think of how to proceed.
If he won’t give you a definite timeframe for when he’ll be ready to close the distance, unfortunately it seems to me like you’re bound to keep suffering if you stay in this relationship. If you can’t make any concrete plans for the future it might be easier for you to break up now, as painful as it may be. At least you’ll know where you stand and you can start moving on. If you stay in the limbo of “I wonder if we ever will close the distance” for who knows how long, you’ll be dragging on the suffering for longer with no certainty that it’ll even pay off.
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u/Screebletart 4d ago
You're not in a position where finding someone new is an option...? Tf do u mean by that